Dear Dogs, > >When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions >with each other so there are still two dogs in the way. > >The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The >other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw >print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it >becoming your food >and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. > >The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me >to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I >fall faster than you can run. > >I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry >about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to >ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually
>curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each >other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that >sticking tails straight out >and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is >nothing but doggy sarcasm. > >My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees. > >For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some >miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not >necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under >the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same >door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, >canine attendance is not mandatory. > >The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I >cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you. > >Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets. > >1.. The dog lives here. You don't. >2.. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. >3.. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people. > >4.. To you, he is a dog. To me, he's an adopted son who is short, >hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. > > 5.. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the >time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, >don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't >worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't >need a gazillion dollars for college and you have them spayed and >nuetered so no worries about unwanted pregnancies. > >The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep. Tom, Joni, (BMD)Ceilidh & (BMD)Wilson O'Drobinak Indianapolis, Indiana [EMAIL PROTECTED]
