-Caveat Lector-
an excerpt from:
Ritual Abuse
Margaret Smith�1993
HarperCollins Publishers
10 East 53rd Street
New York, NY 10022
ISBN 0-06-250214-X
213pps � out-of-print
--[9]--
Appendix A
The Questionnaire
1. What is your gender?
2. What is your age and occupation?
3. Please circle in which social class you were raised. a. upper class b.
upper-middle class c. middle class d. working class e. lower class
4. Please circle in which of the following racial categories you would place
yourself. a. Asian b. Afro-American c. Latin/Hispanic d. Native American e.
White f. other
5. Please circle in which religion you were formally raised. a. Protestant b.
Catholic c. Jewish d. Mormon e. Buddhist f. Moslem g. agnostic h. atheist i.
Other
Please answer the Following questions to the best of your knowledge. If you
do not know the answer to the question being asked, please write Do Not Know.
6. At what age did the ritual abuse begin?
7. At what age did the ritual abuse end?
8. How often did the ritual abuse occur? a. daily b. weekly c. monthly
without a clear pattern d. only on satanic, Christian, or occult holidays e.
I was ritually abused less than three times. f. other
9. Please list the locations where the ritual abuse occurred.
a. state(s) (if you were abused outside the U.S., please indicate the country
as well).
b. Specific Locations (i.e. at home, in a church, the mountains, etc.)
10. To the best of your knowledge please list the primary person or persons
that ritually abused you and their corresponding occupations. Please use no
names. just titles such as father, teacher, etc.
11. Were you ritually abused by a group of people? if yes answer the
following three questions.
I Ia. Were you abused by more than one group of people? If yes, how many
groups?
11b. Approximately how many people were involved in the group(s) that abused
you?
11c. Please give us any information about the group(s) that you feel
comfortable to share-purposes of ritualsorganizations or roles within
group-involvement in drug trafficking or child pornography-Why do you believe
people get involved in these cults?�other
12. Was there an identifiable perversion of a mainstream religion or a
specific religious theme used in the rituals? If yes Please describe below.
13. To the best of your knowledge, were any of your perpetrators members of a
secret society or a fraternal organization? If yes, please indicate the
perpetrator (without using their name) and the name of the secret society or
the fraternal order.
14. Please circle the form(s) of abuse that were done to you.
a. molestation or intercourse
b. sodomy
c. group sex with adults
d. child pornography
e. child prostitution
I torture of you
g. forced to torture others
h. breeding children that were later sacrificed by the group
i. sacrifice of animals
j. sacrifice of humans
k. cannibalism
1. being drugged during the abuse
m. other (please describe)
15. Please list the things that you knew at the time or that you found out
later that helped you believe your memories of the ritual abuse. (Include
verification by other family members, unexplainable physical scars, body
memories, unexplainable intense emotions or any other thing you consider to
be validation.)
16. Did you always remember the ritual abuse? If no please answer the
following two questions.
16a. At what age did you have your first ritual abuse memory?
16b. Reflecting back upon the time period when you did not remember the
ritual abuse, were there any clues or indicators that may have suggested you
had been ritually abused as a child?
17. Please explain in detail the process of having a memory. (Please focus on
the emotions and physical sensations you experience rather than the details
of the memory.)
18. Please check the following people that you do share your ritual abuse
experience with. a. your family of origin b. your closest friends c. your
nonintimate friends d. your co-workers or acquaintances e. your therapist
19. What are the reasons you may choose not to share your experience of being
ritually abused?
20. Have you reported any of these crimes to the police? Why or why not?
21. Do you feel safe from your abusers now?
22. Were you told you would be physically harmed if you ever talked about the
abuse?
23. Do you feel as if the lack of knowledge about ritual abuse in society has
affected your recovery? If yes, please give an example and describe it below.
=====
Appendix B
Similarities in the Lives of Ritual Abuse Survivors
Question 15 in this study (see Appendix A) asked survivors to note any clues
or indicators in their lives that may have suggested they were ritually
abused as a child. The lists below organize these responses into meaningful
categories.
Indicators Associated with Spiritual Abuse
o Vague sense of bad pain or evil when Satan was brought up
o Belief that I was evil
o Completely believing I caused people to be evil
o Believing death is a celebration
o Anger and mistrust of Christians
o Always felt like church symbols were loaded with hidden meanings
o Left church at thirteen
o Fear of God
o Strong need for a spiritual path
Indicators Associated with Dissociation
o Felt like I would die and not know a huge part of my life
o Belief as a child that there was something inside of me
o Always felt that something horrible had happened to me, but I didn't know
what it was
o Always felt that there was something very, very wrong
o Always felt like there was something I needed to tell, but I couldn't
remember what it was
o Felt haunted by images. Knew there was something below the
surface I couldn't get at
o Knowledge of occult material I don't remember learning
o Voices chanting strange languages in my memories
o Talked to myself as "you": "You need to do your homework. You need to
sleep."
o In grade school I was put in a trance and a part came up and said to
everyone, "You will never get her back. She's mine now."
o Dreams, then I would wake up paralyzed and think an evil demon was
trying to get inside my body
o Daydreaming of being in a traumatic situation and what I would do to get
out of it
o Sister and I hated parents, but didnt know why
o Fact I could remember very little about my childhood
o Multiple Personality Disorder
o No memory of early childhood or early adulthood
o Lost time
o Lived in a self-made fantasy world most of my life
o Felt like I didn't exist. That I wasn't real
o Feeling cut off, dead inside, like I wasnt there
o Lack of pain sensation. Could break my arm and not feel it
o Ongoing body memories (with no physical cause)
Suicide Ideation or Suicide Attempts
o Suicide ideation in childhood
o Tried to kill myself several times as a child
o Suicidal most of my life
o When I stopped and went inside, I would hear, "I want to die. I want to
die," or I would hear men's voices say, "No one will ever love you. Look at
you. You're disgusting. You're nasty."
o Setting up my own murder
o Suicide ideation
o Suicide attempt in a trancelike state after revealing about a
molestation
o Obsession with suicide that comes from outside self
o Wanting to die and not knowing why
o Attempting suicide without telling anyone, and not knowing why I was doing
it
o Believing I didn't deserve to live
o Suicide attempts
Indicators Associated with Sexuality and Intimacy
As a Child
o Trying to have sex with our dog when I was five
o Heard how ritually abused children act out with pets. That was the
clincher for me
o Often wet pants when playing as a child
As an Adult
o Belief that if I loved anyone, they would be tortured or killed
o Having images of torture and murder when kissed
o Needed to have arms above head during sex (like tied)
o Knowing my touch was poisonous
o intense feelings around abortion, miscarriages, and the birth of
children
o Relationships with extremely abusive partners
o Affairs with men much older than me
o Earlier in life I was a nun, and then later a prostitute
o Had to smoke pot or overeat in order to make love to my partner
o Was ashamed of my body
o Sexual dysfunction
o Sexual fear, but fascination
o Sex at thirteen with a twenty-year-old man
o Not wanting to be touched
Acting Out the Abuse in Childhood
o Obsession with sex and violence when I was a kid
o Always had remembered having my cousin whip me with a belt when I was eight
and getting really sexually excited
o Acting out mutilations with my toys as a child
o Preoccupation with drawing five- and six-pointed stars when I was bored at
school
o Melted red crayon on my hands to show my mom I was bleeding
Medical Problems Associated with a Ritual Abuse History
o My groin muscles were ripped in first grade by the cult, and I
couldn't walk for a month and had to miss school. My mom says I did it in
gymnastics
o Had infections at four that kept coming back. Had herpes, but had never had
sex?
o Evidence of childbearing at twelve
o Extreme vomiting during PMS and pregnancies. Doctor asked if I had been
sexually abused as a child
o Continual vaginal infections
o Rectal bleeding
o Remember internal exams when I was nine or ten
o Damage to muscles in the pelvic area
o Body scars that I didnt know where they came from
o Unexplainable urinary and vaginal infections
o Vaginal damage
Reactions to Objects That -trigger Memories
o Always afraid at Halloween
o Severe phobias of blood, bugs, death and darkness, movie lights, etc.
o Unusual fears of churches, ritual behaviors, medical procedures,
being put in water, men drinking, or being passed around by men
o Overwhelming emotions on holidays
o Strong attraction to occult material
o Preference for red meat
o Hated red meat. I have been a vegetarian since I was a child
o Fascinated by gems, prisms, crystals, etc.
o Fixation on knives
Feelings Associated with Animals
o Oversensitized and identified a lot with homeless tortured
animals
o Felt protective of animals
o An intense reaction to dead animals
Indicators Associated with Being Abused by Groups
o Dreams of being chased by a group of men that were trying to kill me
o Deep belief that I had failed (that I was supposed to die a public
death and had failed)
o Afraid in large groups
o Uncomfortable in groups
o Extreme self-consciousness in public places
o Always bad to be in charge or performing
Indicators from Childhood or Adult Feelings
o I used to have panic attacks where I couldnt breathe and I used to
say, "Oh my God. I've got to get out of here. I've got to run. Please,
somebody, help me!"
o Always liked hospice nursing. I felt comfortable around dead or dying people
o Horrible nightmares about the abuse almost every night of my
life
o Felt like I was going crazy
o Felt alienated
o Daily terror
o Always frightened and insecure
o Terrified by normal life events: I couldn't cope with life
o Fear of the dark
o Severe depression
o Hated having my picture taken
o Attraction to posttraumatic stress disorder movies
o Exaggerated startle response
Indicators from Childhood or Adult Behavior
o Decided I would never go to the bathroom, and that lasted for a while
o Very withdrawn
o Banged my head a lot
o Ran away from home
o School attendance was poor
o Socially was very young for my age
o Slow speech development
o Slept with a knife under my mattress
o Threw up a lot
o Would never allow myself to vomit
o Quiet, compliant, no affect
o Rarely cry
o Complete inability to trust
o Always in a crisis of some sort
o Sleepwalking
o Extreme shyness and inability to relate to peers
o No sense of physical, emotional, mental, or sexual boundaries
o jumped from job to job
o Reckless driving
Feelings Associated with Family of Origin
Brother's suicide and comments about Satan
Fear of parents
No commonality with siblings
Very protective of the perfect parent image
Noted Addictions or Disorders
o Workaholism to avoid memories
o Drug and alcohol abuse
o Drinking problem
o Drug and alcohol addiction at fourteen
o Lifelong eating disorder
o Overeating
o Bulimia
o Anorexia
o Lifelong sleeping disorder
o Addicted to book reading
o Horrible codependency issues
=====
Appendix C
Forms of Abuse
The following list of abuses perpetrated against survivors of ritual abuse
was recorded from answers to question 14 of the questionnaire (see Appendix
A), which asked the survivor, "What specifically was done to you?"
Important Note: The following information is extremely detailed and graphic
and may cause intense emotions. Please read the information with great
caution.
Hypnotism and Programming
o Forced to memorize cult gibberish
o Hypnotized after being drugged and given electric shock
o Trickery
o Made to feel responsible for the things that happened
o Attended cult school to learn cult philosophy
Threats
o Threats they'd get my brothers and family
o Threats of further abuse
o Told if I didn't behave, I would be locked in a cage and murdered
o Told they would cut off my arms and legs and bum off my hair
Forced Perpetration Against Others
o Taught in my twenties how to brainwash children
o Trained to murder and dismember children, infants, and later
adults
o Forced to have sex with little children
o Because of the brainwashing, etc., not able to get away from cult
yet
o Forced to kill my infant sister
Forced to Watch Others Being Tortured or Killed
o Friends murdered in front of me
o Forced to watch little girl murdered
o Watched a black man tortured to death
Torture, Bondage, or Forced Isolation
o Buried alive
o Buried alive with freshly killed bodies and body parts put on me
o Burned, scalded
o Locked in a basement with rats and a child's dead body
o Torture with enemas
o Smeared with foul substances with insects in it
o Put in a hole in the ground
o Hung over a vat of blood in a harness
o Tied up, imprisonment, bondage
o Wasps put on my stomach
o Drowning
o Put in a hole with snakes
o Years of confinement and isolation
o Locked in cellar rooms for long periods of time naked
o Made to lie alone, naked, in a coffin
o Torture- (but only mental and what wouldn't show!) Put in a trunk
Spiritual Abuse
o Being told I was unwanted and abandoned by God
o Told I was a goddess, then drugged, tortured, and hypnotized not to tell
about the abuse
o Spiritual torture (being told I was crazy, or a goddess, or the sec-
ond coming of Christ)
Severe Sexual Violation
o Forced to have sex with dead bodies
o Baby kittens put inside my rectum and vagina by my father
o Forced group sex with siblings
o Used in poker games as a prize
o Was given an abortion
o Objects (including snake heads) were put in my vagina
o Used in betting (Can she fuck a horse?, etc.)
o Forced to have sex with other children
o Treated by a cult doctor who told me he was sewing a snake in
my vagina
Other Forms of Abuse
o Urinated on
o Rituals that involved blood and products of elimination
o Ingestion of blood, urine, and feces
o Forced to drink blood
o Use of dead bodies and skeletons
o Ritual deflowering and baptism
o Land travel to and from meetings
o Having to help discard the bodies
o Marriage to Satan
o Mock murder of me
pps. 183-197
--[cont]--
Aloha, He'Ping,
Om, Shalom, Salaam.
Em Hotep, Peace Be,
Omnia Bona Bonis,
All My Relations.
Adieu, Adios, Aloha.
Amen.
Roads End
Kris
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