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Bava Metzia 049: Does Yes mean Yes and No mean No?
alex lebovits asked:
The Gem brings a proof that a person's "Yes" should be "yes" and his "No"
should be "No".
1. Since this proof is from the word "Hin" it should only be a proof that "yes"
means "yes". There is no proof for "nO' means "no".
2. Even if you want to say that this is a proof that a person should keep his
word and that includes "No means No" as well; would that mean that when my
children would ask me for something and I said "no"; (which they understood to
mean that they should keep on nudging till the "no" became a "yes"). If at the
end I did say "yes" would this deserve the curse of "mi Shepara"?
alex lebovits, Toronto, canada
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The Kollel replies:
Alex Shalom Aleichem!
(1)
(a) What I think you have to say is that one learns from this Gemara that if
you cannot believe a persons yes then you cannot believe his no either!
What I mean to say is that a person cannot be positive all the time or negative
all the time but rather he has to be balanced. So if you can believe a person
when he says yes this means he is serious about his promises and this in turn
means that you can also take him seriously when he tells you not to do
something.
(b) After I wrote the above I found that your question is asked by the Tosfos
Yom Tov at the very end of Maseches Sheviis. He answers that even though only
yes is written in the verse nevertheless Michlal Hein Atah Shome'a Lav
from the fact that the verse states yes this automatically means that one can
also infer no. (The principle occurs frequently see for instance Rashi
Kidushin 61a in Mishnah DH Kol.)
[I think that your answer in 2. and my answer are not actually so far away from
Tosfos Yom Tovs answer, if you think about it carefully].
(2)
(a) A very important idea in Chinuch is to teach children to be honest and to
take the value of a word very seriously. This can be learnt from the Gemara in
Sukah 46b which states that a person should not tell a child that he is going
to give him a present and then not fulfill his promise because this sort of
behavior on behalf of an adult will teach the child also to lie, as Yirmiyahu
9:4 states They taught their tongues to speak falsely. We see from here that
the aim of Chinuch should be to accustom children to hear truthful speaking and
this way they will learn themselves to be truthful always when they grow up.
The Maharitz Chiyus on this Gemara in Sukah points out that this is the source
for what the Rambam Hilchos Shevuos 12:8 writes that one should be extremely
careful with young children to teach them to speak truthfully without taking
oaths.
Therefore I would suggest that if one sees that at the end of the day one is
going to be forced anyway to give way to the child, then one should not say
no clearly at the beginning because this way the child will have less respect
for the integrity of the adults words. Rather, a good tactic might be to
promise the child that if he is good and does such and such a good deed, then
he will receive what he is hoping for. Then, when one later gives him what he
wants, he will appreciate that it is as a reward for his good behavior.
(b) However one would not receive a Mi She'Para for relating to the child in
this way. This is because Mi She'Para represents a much more serious stage than
someone who merely does not live up to his words. In contrast Mi She'Para is
given to someone who did a Kinyan of money (see Mishnah above 44a) and then
retracted on the transaction. One cannot force him to buy the articles because
he did not yet do the Kinyan of Meshichah but nevertheless the fact that he did
a Kinyan of money makes his commitment very serious and if he retracts he
receives a curse.
In contrast retracting on ones words when there was no Kinyan involved is
termed Mechusrei Amanah such a person is lacking trust and belief, but it
is not quite as bad as if he performed a Kinyan, so one does not receive a Mi
She'Para. Therefore one would not receive a Mi She'Para for not standing by
ones word with the children, but nevertheless it is not good education.
KOL TUV,
Dovid Bloom
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