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Jolene,
I'm so glad that you replied and more
so, that you too are able to have some positive experiences in the Catholic
church to reflect on in such a tumultuous time. I empathize with your
situation, knowing that feeling in your gut when someone turns around in light
of a heated debate, and says, "You're Catholic, what do you think"? I had
to take time to try to understand why I felt so violated in an atmosphere of
reckless remarks. Like ourselves, I'm sure Father Chris would appreciate
your letter of encouragement.
Thank you for replying so kindly and
understanding my poor interpretation to your original letter. Though not
YOUR intention, my interpretation was indeed what I've heard so much already,
and your letter urged my response. It was still well, although belated my
reply, to receive your follow-up letter too. Funny how things work out,
isn't it?
Love and peace to both you and Sean.
-mac
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Monday, April 29, 2002 12:36
PM
Subject: Re: comments on sex abuse and
the church
Thanks, Mac. I appreciated your honesty
in sharing your life experiences in growing up. You shed some positive light
on the subject and made some very good points, especially about the fact that
there are many more good than bad priests. Your sharing was so different from
our negative discussion last night where I felt too intimidated to respond and
just remained silent (one of my many defects of character). I felt so
ashamed from where I came from, a Catholic background and I just didn't feel
like it was a "safe" place to share.
Throughout the years, I have sought counsel with
many priests who were comforting and kind. My son had befriended
Father Chris before he was transferred to another parish. My son is
victimized every day at a public middle school because he is different. The
bullies zero in on him, they always do nail the most vulnerable. My son
was just newly diagnosed with Asberger's Syndrome, a high functioning form of
autism. Father Chris was one priest he connected with and now misses,
very much.......perhaps it's time for me to write Father C and thank him for
helping to make Sean's day a little brighter. Thanks again, Mac, for your
courage and conviction.
Peace,
Jolene
p.s. Does anyone out
there know about a good support group for parents with children who have
Asberger's Syndrome?
In a message dated 4/26/02 8:16:04 PM Pacific Daylight
Time, [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
Dear Jeanne,
It's easy to jump onto a popular
bandwagon, and I don't fault anyone for
giving in to the current tidal
wave of media blitz and spin. But whenever
I've allowed myself to
do that in the past and responded in a singularly
emotional manner, I
felt as though I'd been caught with venom on my face.
So I try to
remind myself to slow down, look at the total picture, and
THINK, rather
than simply respond.
Priests who molest children are vile.
No doubt. The violation of any sworn
office is treachery, and the
abuse of any power is degrading; to the office,
to the holder of the
office, and most especially to the victim. Whether it's
a priest or a
president or a parent, the effect is the same; no more, no
less.
What is easily forgotten in this time of scandal and outrage is that
the
priesthood encompasses far more good men than bad. Without this
acknowledgement, the constant barrage of blame and accusations loses
validity. Individual transgression that are allowed to expand
until they
indict an entire group can be dangerous. Time usually
prevails, and
relegates hysteria to forgotten history. But not
always. At the moment a
faithful, practicing Catholic might be
viewed as ignorant and uninformed.
Tomorrow, the assessment might be
more severe.
Jolene said, "I think that they all need to 'come out of
the closet' if they
are gay and that's why they chose that
profession." This seems to
assume that gays are automatically
pedophiles, and that the only reason they
pursued the priesthood was
because they're gay. This is an injustice to
gays, an injustice to
men, and an injustice to the beliefs that are held by
a great many
people. Gays are accepted into the priesthood of the Catholic
Church; the sexual restrictions placed upon gays are identical to the
restrictions placed upon heterosexuals. Sexual orientation is not
an issue;
sexual activity is. Homosexuality no more inhibits the
sense of
accomplishing "the work of God" than the condition of
heterosexuality would
do. Therefore, sexual orientation is as
irrelevant in the choice of
profession within the clergy as it is within
any other profession.
Pedophilia is sickening, but the occupation of
the pedophile is of no
significance. Pediatricians, psychologists,
fathers, mothers, aunts,
teachers, Boy Scout leaders, babysitters,
postmen, lawyers, police officers,
social workers...take your
pick. If an opportunity is sought, it will
eventually be found; a
pedophile in search of children will find them. This
is the
issue. This is what must be addressed. To focus on the Church is
to
lose sight of the true target. It accomplishes nothing in
solving the
problem. But to state that pedophiles need to "come
out of the closet" only
labors the obvious and provides potential
victims with nothing more than
useless gestures, feel-good rhetoric, and
a blind eye turned momentarily in
the right direction. What's lost
in the cacophony is that the priesthood,
like every other organization
in the world, is made up of people. The
Catholic church is made up
of people. And people screw up.
While I am no longer
practicing, I was raised Catholic, and have know many
priests.
Father Kelly, Father Blaney, Father Crow, Father Mason... they
were the
positive, influential males in my childhood. I've still never met
men so kind and honorable as were these simple priests, and I wonder
sometimes if it was they who kept me from hating the world. My
father is a
pedophile, and a violent one. So my memories of
priests are made of times
like the morning at school when Father Mason
sang "When Irish Eyes Are
Smiling" to me. I'd been so
sad. My father had called me, among other
things, a "cunt" and
thrown hot coffee in my face not more than an hour
before. Father
Mason gave me back all that my father had taken away. He
replaced
the fear and the futility and the bewilderment that was inside of
me
with hope and love and safety. He was my protector, my champion, and
to
have him assigned to the pedophile's pigeon-hole is something I will
not
allow to happen. I could go on and on, with
countless examples of good
men in the priesthood and all that they did
for me and my sisters and
brother. Churches are full of good men,
as are mosques and synagogues and
neighborhoods and schools and Boy
Scouts and...but you get my point.
Pedophiles should be prosecuted to
the fullest extent of the law, because
they murder the spirit. If
only there were as much energy directed at
protecting potential victims
as there is presently directed toward the
administrative failings and
alleged cover-ups of the Catholic Church,
something quite wonderful
might happen.
Sadly, I believe Jolene speaks for many. When I
hear a Catholic comment to
a newsperson that they're ashamed of being
Catholic because of what has
occurred, it breaks my heart. I think
of the honorable men and women who've
foregone any semblance of what is
considered a 'good' life, and are,
instead, there to comfort and
reassure little girls who have had hot coffee
thrown in their
faces. I pray that people recognize that the children
require
advocacy, and that the criminals require justice. The Church
requires only time. It's been there in times worse and better than
this.
It's reformed itself, modernized itself, modified itself, all due
to the
readjustments necessary to identify, articulate, and perhaps
isolate the
infinite potential of the human condition. It reflects
the times, and deals
with whatever it is we present to it at any given
moment. But always in
it's own good time. It has
plenty.
Love and
peace,
Mac
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