Oh Bob - my heart aches for you - difficult to find the right words of comfort. 
I'm just going to say I know you won't let you kitty suffer - you are the 
guardian. 
Magellin and you are in my thoughts and prayers. 
Sandy W 

----- Original Message -----

From: "ROBERT CHAPEL" <bcha...@optonline.net> 
To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org 
Sent: Monday, April 3, 2017 6:22:10 PM 
Subject: [Felvtalk] Bad News.. 

Hello All: 
I'm going to make this somewhat brief as I've had my last two messages NOT 
post..nor had I received any group messages until about 5 minutes ago.. 
My remaining cat ( Magellin.. nee Jelly ) who is my little love... much like 
Amani's Zander. Stopped eating 
a week and one half ago... Hospitalized for two days and vet said very bad URI 
and possible lungworm 
This was the vet the shelter uses and they often don't look to hard first time 
out to save the shelter $$... Long Story short ( just as matters went with my 
other little guy) I had to spend the money anyway to get an accurate DX... He 
has a tumor ( likely lymphoma) just forward of his heart... a WBC of 186000 and 
rapidly dropping HCT ( 5 weeks earlier I had an extensive wellness exam on him 
and he was FINE... top of the chart HCT... just a couple of other glitches... 
He really HATES being force fed and I don't know I am doing him any favors 
prolonging his life this way as it is not likely that he is going to begin to 
eat again on his own if it is the tumor and the Virus that are causing the 
loss of appetite...OR making it difficult for him TO eat ( though he does seem 
to do OK with the Pica that alerted me to the fact that he might be anemic... 
he was eating cat litter and licking the cement powder off the laundry room 
floor).... 
I force fed him for a week in hopes that he might begin to eat again on his 
own.... He's on Mirtazapine, Prednisolone, Winstrol and Doxy right now but It's 
literally killing me to have my little boy just unable to play or eat or enjoy 
being petted... All the best of what we had is in abeyance.... I don't want him 
to starve to death but if I keep him alive by force feeding him I could just be 
setting him up for death by another means ( he is clearly having difficulty 
breathing...using accessory muscles... only occassionally lying on his side 
comfortably)..... He does not appear to be in abject pain so I am reluctant to 
put him down but it is SO trying for me particularly in he wake of losing my 
other little guy only a couple of months ago after nearly a year of trying to 
get him well...... And, once again, there is the damn matter of financial 
limitations. If there were a "cure" and it cost me a few thousand I would spend 
the money.. but with a FeLV cat it is highly questionable if thousands spent 
could even guarantee a few more months.... Currently I am force feeding him a 
few oz's a day of AD with a calorie supplement paste mixed in... Just enough to 
keep him from starving and giving him some fluid... just in case buying him a 
few extra days witnesses any kind of change for the positive with the meds he's 
getting..... I'm trying NOT to give in to putting him down now to save ME the 
heartache of watching another cat die over a matter of months... Living alone 
and having no one to talk to about this that shares my feelings for this guy 
and won't get VERY tired of hearing about it makes it that much more 
difficult..... I'm getting VERY depressed and closure could at least leave me 
having only grief to deal with...which is, frankly, a LOT easier than the 
daily.... " is he doing better"? " maybe a miracle will occur"... or putting 
him on my chest only to have him be so uncomfortable there that he immediately 
leaves.... That's the hardest part.... He's here physically but I no longer 
have MY Jelly... Thanks for listening... any suggestions welcome... 

Bob 

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