Stan Kegel
Sun, 31 Mar 2002 17:27:02 -0800
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first
trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by
his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near
the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his
experience, "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded.
"Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang
.... 'Jose, can you see?'"
The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had
thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities -- Ceres, the
goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-faced god of doors and
beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or less. Ceres at one point was
staggering and turning in circles; Janus, equally submerged, was trying
to dance with her. Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he
went to steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled
Ceres was held with a double-header.
There once was a king who was loved by all of his subjects, especially
because of the hunting excursions he arranged and shared with them. As
will happen, the king died and his eldest son took the throne. Now this
new king was an animal lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all
forms of hunting and fishing. His subjects accepted this for only a
short time before they finally ousted him. This was a truly a
significant event because it's the first time a reign was ever called on
account of game.
Several years ago, the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra had scheduled
Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Zubha Mehta. At the last moment
Mehta became ill and it was necessary to find a substitute. They were
able to convince Professor Theodore Badder from U. C. L. A. Classical
Music Department, an expert in Beethoven's Symphonies and a noted
conductor in his own right, to pinch-hit. The Fourth Movement of
Beethoven's Choral Symphony, as it is better known, is unusual in
several ways. First it uses not only a chorus but several soloists as
instruments during the famous "Ode to Joy" in the fourth movement.
Second, the bass players hate playing Beethoven's 9th. There's a long
segment in this movement where the bass viols don't have a thing to
do... not a single note for page after page! It had been decided that
during this performance, after the bass players had played their parts
in the opening of the last movement that they were to quietly lay down
their instruments and leave the stage rather than sit on their stools
looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Well, once they got
backstage, someone suggested that they have a few brews. They had
quickly downed the first couple beers when one said, "Shouldn't we be
getting back to our seats? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were
late." Another (presumably the one who suggested drinking in the first
place) replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I
tied a string around the pages of the conductor's score. Batter's has
had to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand
and fumbles with the string with he other." So they had another round
and when finally returned to their chairs a little tipsy by now one look
at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble. And if
you thought things couldn't get worse, both first stand players soon
passed out right in their chairs! Batter was furious and on the verge of
completely losing it, as he began making gestures at the musicians while
trying to finish the piece while flipping tied pages. After all, .... It
was the last of the Ninth, The. Badder was a pinch-hitter, the score was
tied, the basses were loaded, and two men were out. (By Stan Kegel)
Was he the best pitcher that ever threw a baseball? Back in the 1950s,
there were a lot of folks who thought so. Mel Famey of the Milwaukee
Braves was a natural -- a once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon whose fast ball
blew away the best hitters. His 90 MPH curve ball would start out like
it was going to hit the batter's ear, only to break at the last instant
and hit the outside corner of the plate for a strike. His change up made
the best hitters in the league cry -- they would swing, drop the bat,
and stare incredulously as the ball hit the catcher's mitt. He was
indeed awesome! Why then, you might ask, is he not in the Hall of Fame?
Why haven't you ever heard of him? Alas, like many others before him,
Mel's downfall was demon alcohol. Ol' Mel really liked to tilt the
glass. His drinking became almost legendary around the country, but he
never let it affect his pitching until The Braves and the Yankees were
in the World Series! Excitement reigned! The series was tied at three
games apiece, and the Braves were in New York for the seventh and
deciding game. The night before the big event, Mel's thirst got the
better of him. He snuck out of the hotel after curfew, and bought
himself two cases of beer. As you might imagine, the next morning Mel
didn't feel too good. But being the pro that he was, Mel managed to do
just fine -- until the bottom of the ninth inning. With the Braves ahead
by one run, two out, and the bases loaded, Mel's revelry the night
before finally caught up to him. Eight straight pitches -- eight
straight balls. He walked in the tying run and the winning run, thereby,
losing the game and the series. After the game, a reporter went to the
jubilant Yankee's clubhouse and spoke to the last two players that faced
Mel. "Tell me," he asked, "to what do you attribute this victory over
the best pitcher in the major leagues"? In unison they replied, .... "It
was the beer that made Mel Famey walk us"!
Outside a small Macedonian village a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet
watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of this site of
significant historical developments, spanning more than 2,000 years.
When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies, the
convent of St. Elias will be closed by the Eastern Orthodox Patriarch of
Macedonia. However, that isn't likely to happen soon, as Sister Maria,
53, enjoys excellent health. By her own estimate, she walks 10 miles
daily about the grounds of the convent, which once served as a base for
the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient times, a Greek temple to
Eros, the god of love, occupied the hilltop site. Historians say that
Attila took over the old temple in 439 A.D., and used it as a base for
his marauding army. The Huns are believed to have first collected and
then destroyed a large gathering of Greek legal writs at the site. It is
believed that Attila wanted to study the Greek legal system and had the
writs and other documents brought to the temple. Scholars differ on why
he had the valuable documents destroyed - either because he was barely
literate and couldn't read them, or because they provided evidence of a
democratic government that did not square with his own notion of "rule
by an all-powerful tyrant". When the Greek church took over the site in
the 15th century and the convent was built, church leaders ordered the
pagan statue of Eros destroyed, so another ancient Greek treasure was
lost. Today, there is only the lone sister, watching over the old Hun
base. When she goes, that will be it. Thus, that's how it ends, with ,,,
No Huns, No Writs, No Eros, and Nun on base.
Actually, this story concerns three elderly ladies, a large bottle of
Jack Daniels (Black Label), and a baseball game. In addition, you get to
be a detective. Our three protagonists went to their first Rangers game,
something that was an occasion of great excitement to them. To add to
the excitement, they smuggled a bottle of booze into the game, and
started immediately to enhance the soft drinks they bought. It was a
good game. There was a lot of action on the field and a lot of action in
the stands. All too soon, long before the game was over, the bottle was
nearly empty. By now, I have given you enough information to be able to
tell us how far along we are in the game, and what the status of the
game is. It's the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded.
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