[xChange] Hi, welcome to T.G.I. Fridays!

[Di Ann Sheps]

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     Hi, welcome to T.G.I. Fridays! May I annoy the living shit out of you?
My name is Jenni, and I'll be your incredibly irritating server tonight! So,
how are you folks doing this evening? Great!

     Thanks sooo much for waiting! It has just been completely insane around
here! So if I seem a little brain-dead, please bear with me!

     Can I start anybody off with one of our overpriced, stupidly named
drinks? We've got a new Totally Tropical Piņa Colada Smoothie that's totally
amazing. No? Just waters all around? Not feeling very adventurous tonight,
are we? Hey, no prob! I'll be back with your aguas in just two shakes!

     I am sooo sorry that took so long! Like I said, it's just been nuts.
So, can I start you folks off with some greasy, disgusting appetizers? I
highly recommend the Mexicali Rose Tequila-Fried Buffalo Wings. My personal
fave, though, is the Five-Alarm Chili-Pepper Quesadillas with a side of
Sesame-Seed-Grilled Tostadas and Margarita-Flavored Monterey Jack Dip. No?
Just entrees? Wow, you folks don't mess around, do ya?

     Are you aware of our specials that nobody ever, ever orders? I'll
mention them even though you've decided what you want. The first is our
Southwestern Grilled Fettuccine Alfredo, which is a lot like our regular
Fettuccine Alfredo, except the egg noodles are chargrilled and the cream
sauce is flavored with a ranch dressing. It's served with either a
Mediterranean veggie salad or refried-bean dip. The second special is the
Southwestern Grilled Avocado Meatloaf with Oriental vinaigrette marinara.
Don't those sound not the least bit tempting?

     Doesn't my uniform make you happy? Aren't you happy? Aren't you so
happy you could take a bullet through the head?

     Whew! I cannot believe how busy we are tonight! I swear, it doesn't
normally take an hour for entrees. Anyway, thank you so much for your
patience! You're the salsaburger with fries, right? And you're the Grilled
Chicken Caesar Salad. Here ya go! Anything else I can get for you? Can I top
off that Coke for you, sir? Great!

     Say, I forgot to mention this before, but we've got our own freshly
brewed ice tea with Mexican-grilled lemon. Any takers? Or, better yet, would
you like to see our beer and wine list? That's too bad, because alcoholic
drinks are the best way to increase the bill, which in turn increases my
tip.

     So, how's that burger working out for you, sir? Great! Actually, I
couldn't care less. Would you like to see the dessert menu? Take your time
looking it over, and I'll be back in a couple of minutes. By the way, I
meant to say this before, but I absolutely adore your top. No, not yours,
sir! Although you're quite the looker yourself!

     Isn't my voice annoying? Did you notice how every third word out of my
mouth is "great"? Isn't that fucking annoying?

     All finished here? Great! Would you like a box to put those leftovers
in? You sure? Okay! Have you decided what you'd like for dessert? The
Asphyxiation By Caramel? I'm sorry, we're actually all out at the moment.
Did you have a second choice? The Kahlua Fudge Slide with real Reese's
Pieces? Oh, geez, we're out of that, too. I'm sooo sorry! We do, however,
have the Tex-Mex Fried Neapolitan Ice Cream with kiwi shavings. Would you
prefer that instead? No? Just the check? Great! I'll be right back!

     Sorry for the delay again, but the register's been acting up. I swear,
I think there's a full moon out tonight! Is there anything else I can get
for you? I know I totaled out the check, but we do have an adjoining bar. A
negligible percentage of our bar sales go to the March of Dimes, so it's
technically for a good cause! Oh, you have to leave as soon as possible?
Okay, well, you guys have a super night! You can just bring your check up to
the hostess at the register when you're set. It's been a pleasure getting on
your nerves! Bye!



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