Rick Miller
Mon, 27 Jan 2003 12:26:57 -0800
With the sun beginning to rise, the cabin of the jetliner was suddenly illuminated. "Who turned on the fucking lights?" a male passenger, who had been surly since boarding, snarled at a stewardess. The girl had had enough of this particular character. "These are the breakfast lights, sir," she answered with forced sweetness. "The fucking lights are much dimmer, and you snored right through them." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ The young woman approached the executive in front of his office and said, "Please sir, give to take a wayward girl off the street." "And how much do you suggest I give?" he asked. "It depends," she smiled, "Entirely on how long you want to keep her off of it." -=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-= * Corporate lingo Here's a little clarification of corporate lingo. COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend. DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality. SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.