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====> LABLaughsClean
=====> http://www.LABLaughs.com
======> Another F-R-E-E mailing from LABLaughs.com

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THE  LAST  PROGRAM 
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INTRODUCTION

Greetings to you all!

Add life to your years, don't worry about adding years to 
your life.

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QUICK JOKE

Martin was being interviewed for a new job. The person
conducting the interview wanted to find out something about 
his personality so he asked, "If you could have a 
conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

Without hesitation Martin responded, "The living one, of 
course."

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CARTOON TIME

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SURVIVE

A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in
the desert.

"What are the three most important things you should bring
with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked.

Several hands went up, and many important things were 
suggested such as food, matches, etc.

Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand.

"Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you 
would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master.

Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of 
cards."

"Why's that Timmy?"

"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right
direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."

"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master
impatiently.

"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone
is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine
on top of that black ten!"

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WASTE AND LEFTOVERS

The mess sergeant was lecturing about waste. "You men have 
got to make better use of our leftovers. For instance, what 
can we do with left-over carrots?" Nothing but puzzled 
shrugs came from the men.

"OK, so you can't figure. You can make carrot pie. That's 
what you can do with leftover carrots. Doesn' it make 
sense?"

The sergeant paused to give them a chance to absorb his 
words. Then he asked, "Any questions?"

A hand was raised and a voice asked, "Sir, what can you do 
with the leftover pie?"

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GETTING OFF A TRAIN

A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time 
the train stops at Victoria. 

"Sir, we don't stop at Victoria." 

"But I have to get off there!" 

"Well, there might be one thing I can do. I might be able to 
get the engineer to slow down the train a little. Then I can 
dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform." 

"Will that work?" 

"It's worth a try." 

As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 
50 MPH. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. 

The man starts running in mid-air. "Run faster! Faster!" He 
lowers the man and the man's feet touch the platform. His 
shoes start to smoke! His heel comes off! He's running at 
30 MPH. He's made it! He starts to slow down! The other 
passengers stare in amazement. 

As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt 
collar and lifts the man right back into the train! As he's 
helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, 
"Man you're lucky I was here to help! This train doesn't 
even STOP in Victoria!"

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Please feel free to send us any feedback or comments about
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Don't forget to visit our site at http://www.LABLaughs.com

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