Subject: MEXICAN ABUELITA (Grandma)
LAWYERS SHOULD NEVER ASK A MEXICAN GRANDMA A QUESTION IF THEY AREN'T PREPARED
FOR THE ANSWER.
DURING A TRIAL IN A SMALL TOWN IN SOUTH TEXAS, THE PROSECUTING ATTORNEY CALLED
HIS FIRST
WITNESS, AN ELDERLY MEXICAN ABUELITA TO THE STAND. HE APPROACHED HER AND
ASKED, "SENORA SANCHEZ, DO YOU KNOW ME?"
SHE
RESPONDED, "SI, I KNOW YOU MR. WILLIAMS. I KNOW YOU SINCE YOU WERE A
MOCOSO CHORRIADO, AND FRANKLY YOU'VE BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME,
TO YOUR FAMILY AND TO YOUR COMMUNITY. YOU LIE, YOU CHEAT ON YOU WIFE,
AND YOU MANIPULATE PEOPLE, AND YOU THINK YOU'RE A BIG SHOT WHEN YOU ARE
NADA, PURA BASURA. YES, I KNOW YOU BABOSO."
THE LAWYER WAS
STUNNED, NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO, HE POINTED ACROSS THE ROOM AND
ASKED, MRS. SANCHEZ, "DO YOU KNOW THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY?"
AGAIN
SHE REPLIED, "CLARO QUE SI. I'VE KNOWN MR. RODRIGUEZ SINCE HE WAS A
MOCOSO TRAVIESO TOO. HE'S A LAZY PUTO, AND HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM.
HE CAN'T KEEP A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH NOBODY, AND HE IS THE MOST
PENDEJO LAWYER IN THE STATE. AND NOT TO MENTION HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE
WITH THREE DIFFERENT PUTAS. ONE OF THEM WAS YOUR WIFE! YOU MEMBER? I
KNOW MR. RODRIGUEZ; HIS MAMA IS NOT PROUD OF HIM TAMBIEN."
THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY ALMOST DIED.
THE
JUDGE THEN ASKED BOTH COUNSELORS TO APPROACH THE BENCH, AND IN A VERY
QUIET VOICE SAID, "IF EITHER OF YOU CABRONES ASK HER IF SHE KNOWS ME,
I'LL SEND YOU TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR."
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