News flash just in from the year 2035
1. Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world, California.
2. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as
California's third language.
3. Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and
livestock.
4. Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.
5. Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
6. Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American
Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan,
Syria, and Lebanon). Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it
will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to
safe levels.
7. France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
8. Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be
imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all
smoking.
9. George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
10. Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and
reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
11. 35 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
12. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lb..
13. Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
14. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil
rights.
15. Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
16. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
17. Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
18. Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with
congressman.
19. IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
20. Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting Machine.
21. Gasoline rises to $24.389 per gallon.
22. The 50th hurricane of the season slams into Boston.
23. Antarctica now a tropical rain forest.
24. U.S. Government pumps another $10 trillion into banking system in
desperate attempt to revive the economy.
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