Thank you Carles very much for the review of draft-ietf-6tisch-enrollment-enhanced-beacon draft in such a short notice! Appreciated.
Best regards, -Samita On Thu, Oct 24, 2019 at 12:01 PM Carles Gomez via Datatracker < [email protected]> wrote: > Reviewer: Carles Gomez > Review result: Ready with Issues > > Thanks to the authors for writing this document. > > I did not identify technical problems. (There are comments below that do > have a > technical side, but the issues might just be editorial.) > > There is a number of suggestions provided below, mostly editorial and about > presentation. > > Title > - "IEEE802.15.4" --> "IEEE 802.15.4" > - "Informational Element" --> "Information Element" > - "6tisch" --> "6TiSCH" > > Abstract: I'd suggest adding a comma after "In TSCH mode of IEEE STD > 802.15.4". > > Section 1. > - "As further details" --> "As further detailed" > - Introduce the acronym "EB" the first time that "Enhanced Beacon" appears. > (Then use "EB" thereafter in the document.) > > Subsection 1.2. > - After "synchronization of ASN and Join Metric," perhaps you may insert > "carrying" and reorganize a bit the rest of the sentence. - "existance" --> > "existence" - "There are a limited number...". --> "There is a limited > number..." - "... by each router". Perhaps, to give more context, "by each > router in the network". > > Subsection 1.3. > - Title: please add ":" after "synchronization". > - Title: capitalize "solicitations" and "advertisements" > - On the first use of RS, RA, NS and NA, please use the expanded form and > introduce the acronym, and use the acronym thereafter. - "consuming a > broadcast > aloha slot with unencrypted traffic" appears to be one of the reasons > mentioned, but it is a bit hidden between parenthesis. You may want to > reorganize the sentence to emphasize that this is actually the crucial > point. - > Second bullet in the list: did you mean "RA" instead of "Router > Soliciation" - > Third bullet in the list: "If it must listen for a RS as well..." Did you > mean > "listen for an RA" ? > > - It might be nice to close Section 1 by adding something along the lines > of > "This document defines...". However, this would not be specific to > subsection > 1.3. Therefore, some reorganization of Section 1 might improve the > document. > > Section 2. > - Even if there is a single figure in the whole document, it might be good > to > add a figure number and a caption the format for the new IE subtype. - > After > the figure, is there a particular reason why the fields of the format are > presented in a different order from the one in the format? - Please add a > ":" > after the name of each field and its definition/description. - "this field > indicates the willingness to act as join proxy". Perhaps "the willingness > of > the sender to act..."? - "Lower value indicates willing to act as a Join > Proxy..." Perhaps "Lower value indicates greater willingness to act as..." > - > "Values range 0 (most willing)..." --> "Values range 0x00 (most > willing)..." - > In the figure, one field is called "Join Proxy lower-64". In the text, it > has a > different name... - "if the Proxy Address P-flag is set, then the lower > 64-bits > of the Join Proxy’s Link Layer address..." Did you mean "link-local" > instead of > "Link Layer? - "the layer-2 address of any IPv6 traffic to the > originator". Did > you mean "the destination layer-2 address..." ? - "if the P bit is set, > then 64 > bits (8 bytes) of address are present." I had trouble understanding this > sentence. Please consider rewriting it. - "this is an variable length > field" > --> "this is a variable length field". > > Section 5. > - "Registry IETF IE Sub-type ID." Please cite RFC 8137 here as well. > > _______________________________________________ > IoT-DIR mailing list > [email protected] > > https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=https-3A__www.ietf.org_mailman_listinfo_iot-2Ddir&d=DwIGaQ&c=udBTRvFvXC5Dhqg7UHpJlPps3mZ3LRxpb6__0PomBTQ&r=pWMzx7FsqijEJPyfMBfn-HJss-wVVTf0K5y-cxCTXL8&m=DxVylV19UVeLLv0a9RlUDLqLmQOvcItv8R3rGOq_cW8&s=86T5KHrf_W8JMowiPPDEKNhVn0Q7ikW774AUV0szKg4&e= >
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