Agree with Vasu. Avoidance of such gatherings will only result in further exclusion. Further, as vasu said, others should find value in association with us. I often see my friends and colleagues waiting for me to take lunch. Even when I couldn't attend any such gatherings, I will be told the next day that they missed me. As most others wrote, you should be good at interactions with friendlyness, jovial, diplomatic, knowledgeable etc. So many qualities required to have inclusion! But its not bad to possess them. Also, avoid conflicts and confrontations. Try to help others. Disability requires us to take help from others. But there are many areas where we can help others like sharing knowledge, technology, advise etc. Once you start helping others, others will like you as a person and start helping you not as an assistant but as a good friend. Having said all this, you will still have an experience that is odd and ugly. Just accept it as a part of disability. Many people who are not good at socialising are suffering due to this. At the most, they might have a complete lunch, not a complete gathering.
On 7/12/18, Srinivasu Chakravarthula <li...@srinivasu.org> wrote: > You may not really need to take an escort as it is practically not possible > all the time. But ensure you make acquaintance with a couple of people > before the lunch with an enriching conversation. Then accompany them for > lunch. Ask "if you could join them for lunch and could they be able to > help?" often this ask works. Most important thing is that other person > should find value in conversation with you. > > Cheers, > Srinivasu > > Regards, > > Srinivasu Chakravarthula - Twitter: http://twitter.com/CSrinivasu/ > Website: http://www.srinivasu.org | http://serveominclusion.com > > Let's create an inclusive web! > > Lead Accessibility Consultant, Informatica > > > On Thu, Jul 12, 2018 at 10:53 AM, Muthu Selvi <muthump2...@gmail.com> wrote: > >> Hi, >> This happens to most of us. >> When ever there is a joint lunch or lunch during meetings, people >> walk around here and there with their plates in their hands. But, we >> are unable to do it. So, It limits our interactions.Actually, I travel >> every where independetly mostly by bus/train. But, I wonder, Whether >> we should take escort for such kind of lunches? Even if we go with an >> escort, People interact with us through the escort such as did she >> had lunch? in branch she works? her good name? >> >> I had many experiences like this. But, I would like to share the recent >> one. >> I went to attend our union leder's retirement function. He gave lunch >> in one of the five star reputed hotels. >> There were so many items including both veg and nonveg. I did not know >> the full menu. Somebody asked one of the hotel staffs to serve food. >> Even people those who often say that i am most independent do not >> bother to involve me in the group.Almost all staffs came for the >> lunch. Everybody was busy with talking/introducing with one another. >> SinceThere was so much of crowd, I was made to sit in one place. >> I wonder Whether we should participate in such kind of inaccessible >> lunches if it is going to lead to frustration? >> I have so much to write but will stop at this point. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> On 7/12/18, turab chimthanawala <turab...@gmail.com> wrote: >> > Hi Amar, >> > Thanks for your suggestions. While I have a good sense of humour and >> > reasonable inter personal skills, would polish them further. >> > >> > On 7/11/18, Amar Jain <amarj...@amarjain.com> wrote: >> >> Hi Turab, >> >> >> >> Matching matching challenges! >> >> In addition to all what has been said so far, below are a few >> suggestions: >> >> >> >> 1. Learn to find common interests. It could be FIFA for you, and it is >> >> definitely BudWeiser for me! >> >> >> >> 2. Learn to develop human abilities like sense of humour and don’t just >> >> focus too much on brain. Means try to develop as many qualities as >> >> possible. >> >> >> >> 3. Try to be on top of trends, knowledge of accessories, clothing, >> >> Hollywood, among others. >> >> >> >> 4. Engaging with juniors is easier than with seniors. >> >> >> >> Your interpersonal skills have to be of top notch quality. And if >> nothing >> >> else works, then be little spoiled. >> >> >> >> Regards, >> >> Amar Jain >> >> >> >> Sent from my iPhone >> >> >> >>> On 11-Jul-2018, at 3:58 PM, turab chimthanawala <turab...@gmail.com> >> >>> wrote: >> >>> >> >>> Hi Rahul, >> >>> Thanks for your reply. >> >>> Great elucidation. >> >>> Well, as regards your point of screen reader being a barrier to >> >>> meaningful interaction, in my present work schedule, my reliance on a >> >>> personal companion to help me navigate the court becomes a hurdle to >> >>> building good relationships: as I often walk slightly a part from the >> >>> team: majority of the chatter takes place while running from one court >> >>> room to another. >> >>> Yes, I often do fall in the trap of the confirmation bias labelling my >> >>> disability for all not going for me; which is often not true. Hope to >> >>> change that mindset. >> >>> >> >>> Another concern is the excessive protectionist attitude of colleagues >> >>> say for instance, being reluctant to take us to the canteen, >> >>> presumably to save us of the trouble of walking down three floors or >> >>> forcing us to take the elevator while they walk down. This attitude >> >>> may take various other forms. >> >>> Generally, the initial period in a new setting is very lonely and >> >>> difficult. After a while, one does get integrated to an extent. >> >>> Any specific tips you might have followed in your multiple internships >> >>> etc. to make this initial difficult period as short as possible? >> >>> Also, any other thoughts? >> >>> Best >> >>> Turab >> >>> >> >>>> On 7/10/18, Rahul Bajaj <rahul.bajaj10...@gmail.com> wrote: >> >>>> I think cultivating greater independence in a phased manner is >> >>>> important >> >>>> in >> >>>> terms of having greater control over one's movements. This is also a >> >>>> function of the nature of one's personality - introversion and >> >>>> disability >> >>>> do >> >>>> not make for a good combination. One of the biggest obstacles is that >> >>>> you >> >>>> cannot seek people out for a convo; it is contingent upon them >> reaching >> >>>> out >> >>>> to you. >> >>>> It may often be the case that people are passing by and you don't >> >>>> know >> >>>> who >> >>>> they are, so you lose out on the opportunity to strike up a >> >>>> conversation. >> >>>> People may sometimes try talking to you or may be having a >> conversation >> >>>> that >> >>>> you're not able to participate in because your screen reading >> >>>> software >> >>>> cancels out all noise. You cannot see what is happening, so it is not >> >>>> the >> >>>> same as someone listening to music. >> >>>> >> >>>> I find that we sometimes also fall into the trap of confirmation bias >> >>>> wherein we interpret events around us as being attributable to our >> >>>> disability when they are actually not. I am not saying that you are >> >>>> doing >> >>>> this; this is something I often find myself doing inadvertently. >> >>>> >> >>>> That said, there are some who are very inclusive and interested in >> >>>> learning >> >>>> more about how you do things, in light of your disability. This may >> >>>> itself >> >>>> serve as the springboard for an engaging conversation. >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Best, >> >>>> RahulSent from my iPhone >> >>>> >> >>>>> On Jul 9, 2018, at 9:19 AM, turab chimthanawala <turab...@gmail.com> >> >>>>> wrote: >> >>>>> >> >>>>> Hello Geeta Ma'am and Tilak >> >>>>> Thanks a lot for your inputs >> >>>>> Geeta Ma'am as to your suggestions. >> >>>>> 1. In the office where I worked, there was no separate lunch bar: >> >>>>> People would just gather around a work table in their small groups >> >>>>> with their tiffins. Hence, I found it difficult to break into a >> group. >> >>>>> As to your broader point, yes, I am reasonably and strive to be more >> >>>>> independent in office. In court as we have to run from one court >> >>>>> room >> >>>>> to another, hence I always have my driver to accompany, hence not >> >>>>> being dependent on other colleagues. In fact. having a personal >> >>>>> assistant is sort of a double edged sword in the sense it separates >> me >> >>>>> from the other group. >> >>>>> 2. I certainly endeavour to create relationships and not need based >> >>>>> interactions. Certainly I will introspect and work more on this. >> >>>>> 3. Our office is quite small and hence I don't think there would be >> >>>>> a >> >>>>> lot of inclination towards a Disability awareness programme. >> >>>>> Nevertheless this is an excellent suggestion for the future. >> >>>>> Tilak as to your inputs. >> >>>>> 1. It is a great idea to be talkative and partake in the general >> >>>>> discussion. However, the reason holding me back is that we can't >> often >> >>>>> see what people are doing, I mean whether they are working, taking a >> >>>>> break etc. I am concerned of interrupting and disturbing at the >> >>>>> wrong >> >>>>> time. >> >>>>> 2. Being not dependent on a single colleague is a great point. I >> often >> >>>>> cling on to one person. Surely hope to change this. >> >>>>> 3. My mobility is reasonably good. Only that I struggle in highly >> >>>>> populated public places. >> >>>>> 4. I don't understand how using public transport would help in >> >>>>> building good relationships at the workplace. >> >>>>> Eagerly await your follow up. >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>>> On 7/9/18, Geetha Shamanna <geethas2...@gmail.com> wrote: >> >>>>>> Hi Turab, >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> As a blind person trying to fit in, one should bear in mind the >> >>>>>> following: >> >>>>>> 1. It is essential to be as independent as possible. Ensure that >> >>>>>> you >> >>>>>> learn >> >>>>>> your way around the office as well as the route to the canteen, so >> >>>>>> that >> >>>>>> you >> >>>>>> don't rely on colleagues to go for lunch or tea with you. If they >> see >> >>>>>> you >> >>>>>> managing these things independently, they are more likely to invite >> >>>>>> you >> >>>>>> to >> >>>>>> go with them for lunch or tea, than in a situation where they feel >> >>>>>> obliged >> >>>>>> to take you along every day. Be comfortable going for lunch or tea >> on >> >>>>>> your >> >>>>>> own, as people can be busy with their own deadlines in offices. >> >>>>>> 2. It is easier to have conversations as well as a good >> >>>>>> relationship >> >>>>>> with >> >>>>>> colleagues which could even turn into friendships if your approach >> is >> >>>>>> not >> >>>>>> need-based. Approach them just for a conversation, rather than to >> get >> >>>>>> them >> >>>>>> to do something for you. While as a blind person one needs help at >> the >> >>>>>> workplace from time to time, it is important not to have need-based >> >>>>>> relationships with colleagues. >> >>>>>> 3. Suggest to your manager that you can provide disability >> >>>>>> awareness >> >>>>>> training to your colleagues. >> >>>>>> My previous employer had arranged for all my team members to have >> >>>>>> disability >> >>>>>> awareness training before I joined the team, and this had a >> remarkable >> >>>>>> impact on how they behaved with me. >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> Geetha >> >>>>>> -----Original Message----- >> >>>>>> From: AccessIndia [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] >> On >> >>>>>> Behalf >> >>>>>> Of turab chimthanawala >> >>>>>> Sent: 08 July 2018 06:23 >> >>>>>> To: accessindia >> >>>>>> Subject: [AI] Ai Partaking in informal groups/ activities at the >> >>>>>> workplace >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> Hi all, >> >>>>>> Hope this message finds you well. >> >>>>>> While over the years I have come a long way in making friends with >> >>>>>> blindness and hence built a good social network. I am comfortable >> >>>>>> in >> >>>>>> most settings and even don't mind questions on my disability. >> >>>>>> However, I have found it difficult to fully absorb in informal >> groups/ >> >>>>>> activities at office. This may range from hjoining in for lunch to >> >>>>>> going down for tea in the court canteen to going for outings and to >> >>>>>> simply joining in jokes while working. I get the necessary support/ >> >>>>>> cooperation to do my work but I believe offices are beyond just >> work. >> >>>>>> I understand that due to disability people are not best equipped to >> >>>>>> understand our needs and problems and that we have to take the >> >>>>>> first >> >>>>>> step, but to what extent! I mean I generally find it difficult to >> gage >> >>>>>> people's expressions and hence am slightly circumspect in the >> >>>>>> beginning. At a recent internship at a huge firm with about 100 >> >>>>>> professionals I was lonely most of the time save for a colleague, >> now >> >>>>>> a close friend. To the extent that when she would be absent, the >> >>>>>> others would never invite me for lunch. It was only after a month >> that >> >>>>>> others became warm. >> >>>>>> Currently I am working with an Advocate. Here as well despite >> knowing >> >>>>>> me (as I interned earlier), a colleague personally invited all but >> me >> >>>>>> to his house. Even here there is a senior who is warm but owing to >> >>>>>> personal commitments she is quite irregular and hence, except for >> work >> >>>>>> related talk I am mostly left alone. >> >>>>>> With most humility I would point out that I am a very warm person >> and >> >>>>>> many have said that they enjoy my company. But due to some reason I >> am >> >>>>>> left out of most informal activities at office. >> >>>>>> Eagerly await others' experiences/ inputs on the same. >> >>>>>> Thanking you >> >>>>>> Best >> >>>>>> Turab >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> Search for old postings at: >> >>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >> >>>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> >>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other >> changes, >> >>>>>> please >> >>>>>> visit the list home page at >> >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_ >> accessindia.org.in >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> Disclaimer: >> >>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the >> thinking >> >>>>>> of >> >>>>>> the >> >>>>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> >>>>>> veracity; >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on >> >>>>>> the >> >>>>>> mails >> >>>>>> sent through this mailing list.. >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> Search for old postings at: >> >>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >> >>>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> >>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other >> changes, >> >>>>>> please >> >>>>>> visit the list home page at >> >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_ >> accessindia.org.in >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> Disclaimer: >> >>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the >> thinking >> >>>>>> of >> >>>>>> the >> >>>>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> >>>>>> veracity; >> >>>>>> >> >>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on >> >>>>>> the >> >>>>>> mails >> >>>>>> sent through this mailing list.. >> >>>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >> >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >>>>> >> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >> >>>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >>>>> >> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other >> >>>>> changes, >> >>>>> please visit the list home page at >> >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_ >> accessindia.org.in >> >>>>> >> >>>>> >> >>>>> Disclaimer: >> >>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the >> >>>>> thinking >> >>>>> of >> >>>>> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> >>>>> veracity; >> >>>>> >> >>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> >>>>> mails >> >>>>> sent through this mailing list.. >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Search for old postings at: >> >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >>>> >> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >> >>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >>>> >> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> >>>> please >> >>>> visit the list home page at >> >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_ >> accessindia.org.in >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Disclaimer: >> >>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >> of >> >>>> the >> >>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >>>> >> >>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> >>>> mails >> >>>> sent through this mailing list.. >> >>>> >> >>> >> >>> >> >>> >> >>> >> >>> Search for old postings at: >> >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >>> >> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >> >>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >>> >> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> >>> please visit the list home page at >> >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_ >> accessindia.org.in >> >>> >> >>> >> >>> Disclaimer: >> >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >> of >> >>> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> >>> veracity; >> >>> >> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> >>> mails >> >>> sent through this mailing list.. >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> >> please >> >> visit the list home page at >> >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_ >> accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >> >> of >> >> the >> >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> >> veracity; >> >> >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails >> >> sent through this mailing list.. >> >> >> > >> > >> > >> > >> > Search for old postings at: >> > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> > >> > To unsubscribe send a message to >> > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> > with the subject unsubscribe. >> > >> > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> > visit the list home page at >> > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_ >> accessindia.org.in >> > >> > >> > Disclaimer: >> > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the >> > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >> > >> > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails >> > sent through this mailing list.. >> > >> >> >> -- >> BE HAPPY AND MAKE OTHERS HAPPY >> M.Muthu Selvi >> Manager, Allahabad Bank and Secretary, All India Confederation of the >> blind. >> Email: muthump2...@gmail.com >> Skype: muthump2007 >> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >> veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> > > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > -- G. Vamshi Mobile: +91 9949349497 Skype: gvamshi81 WWW.VIBEWA.ORG EQUALITY AND DIGNITY Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ To unsubscribe send a message to accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
