Hello sir!
Is it possible to consider few cases where husband or wife got blindness or
vision impairment after marage?
----- Original Message -----
From: "Subramani L" <lsubram...@deccanherald.co.in>
To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Sent: Friday, March 19, 2010 4:52 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Questionnaire for blind/low vision/persons
withdegenerativeeye condition who are men and are married to able-bodied
women
A few cclarifications and disclaimers: when I say we men are no matchto the
fictional characters, I only meant the physical attributes in a very general
sense. When it comes to being generous and loving, I think we are as good
as, if not better than, anyone. Secondly, I am specifically looking at
disabled (blind and visually impaired men) married to able bodied women
since the particular focus is around such couple. Thirdly, I would like both
the husband and the wife to answer the questions respectively marked for
them. Fourthly, if anyone observes any vital point or issue I had left out,
do not hesitate to point that out. I would like an open and a transparent
study as possible. And finally, as Rajesh has pointed out, I appreciate
honest answers, though that may be inconvenient. Ultimately, I want to
examine the value of romance in people's lives. Though I believe true love
is real, I don't enjoy seeing fiction writers preferring convenience and
stereotype for challenging realistic situations in talking about romance. I
don't want to do a literary criticism, but a real life, socially relevant
article that gives us a peak into how people live through distress and how
love strengthens their relationships. Sorry for this rambling disclaimer.
Just want to ensure I am clear. I do sincerely hope you all would help me
provide a better understanding of the topic.
Subramani
-----Original Message-----
From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in
[mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of Asudani, Rajesh
Sent: Friday, March 19, 2010 10:21 AM
To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
Subject: Re: [AI] Questionnaire for blind/low vision/persons
withdegenerative eye condition who are men and are married to able-bodied
women
Congrats subramani for exploring this topic!
I will get back to you off the list with answers within a couple of days.
I think, if honesty is the best policy, then the questionnaire will surely
reveal some hitherto unadmitted truths.
Regards
"Perhaps our role on this planet is not to worship God-- but to create Him."
--Arthur C. Clarke
(Rajesh Asudani)
Assistant General Manager,
Reserve Bank of India
Nagpur
09420397185
O: 0712 2806676
Res: 0712 2591349
-----Original Message-----
From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in
[mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of Subramani L
Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2010 9:30 PM
To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
Subject: [AI] Questionnaire for blind/low vision/persons with degenerative
eye ccondition who are men and are married to able-bodied women
Folks:
Most of us read a lot of romantic literature (in the context of men-women
relationship) and either dismiss it as idealistic and far removed from
reality or expect it to happen in real life. After having read a lot of such
fiction myself (especially in recent times), I wanted to understand how
romance is working for disabled persons who are married to able-bodied
spouses. Though in fiction the male personality is often portrayed as good
looking, fair, lean bodied, loving and generous to marry a disabled woman,
that could be quite different in real life. To our chagrin, we the blind men
realise that we are quite opposite of those fictional heroes (forgive me for
my bluntness) and have a disability to boot. This gave rise to an idea for
an article which I have been thinking over for some time. The following
questionnaire is the result of my effort to collect information for the
article. I would lideally expect men who are over 30 and have been married
for more than five years and their wives to answer the questionnaire, though
I would admit answers from anyone who doesn't fit into this category but
have something interesting to share. Forgive me for spelling errors since I
have some restrictins in typing and have taken more than 45 minutes to type
this. Your thoughts, answers, feedbacks, experiences and even debates
(possibly off the list) are welcomed. Looking forward to hearing interesting
things from men who have gone through the experience often described in
Indian society as "sagar".
THe Questions follow:
When did you get married?
What is your wife's name?
Is it an arranged marriage?
How did you handle the blindness/low vision or retinal issue and how was it
accepted/appreciated by the bride's family?
What was the attitude of the bride's family to you? Did they treat you well?
What was your wife's reaction when you explained to her about the possible
limitations you may have due to RP? (one thing that comes to mind is how
unlike we all are when it comes to a typical bridegroom who can take his
bride on a bike ride or communicate with her through eye contact)
What was her expectations of you when you tried explaining the limitations
to her?
What was your own emotional state when your disability keeps reminding you
what you can't do? Does your wife help you overcome the emotional issues of
your disability particularly vis-à-vis the marriage?
Do you believe in the reality of romance? Give any real life examplewhere
you actually felt it?
How do you handle differences with your wife? How do you counter when your
disability becomes (or portrayed as) an issue?
This may be a philosophical question... What is your
understanding/experience of happiness in married life? Do you think you are
complete after having married a woman and successfully leading your life?
(The following sets of questions must be answered by your wife)
What was the main reason in your choice to marry your husband: is it family
compulsion or as a result of sympathy you felt for him, or admirationof his
personality/accomplishments or a feeling of love?
Is your decision inspired by women in your family or friends circle who had
married disabled persons?
How do you explain your husband's disability to a stranger who perhaps
cannot understand the chemistry between you and him?
Do you support your husband when he expresses his limitations within the
relationship or talks about his inability to perform or do certain things
that somewhat differentiate him from other able-bodied men?
What do you tell yourself or your child/children, when you/they observe an
able bodied person performing things like driving a car or playing with his
child in the beach or going on a giant wheel, which, on account of his
disability your husband can't do?
Do you experience love in marriage? Is there any incident that made you feel
love or happiness in marriage?
Do you feel your understanding or experience of marriage could have been
different if you were married to an able-bodied person?
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