great writing On 2/14/14, Mujeeb Rahman <[email protected]> wrote: > The story is just fantastic! It seems part of our life to face such > incidents while looking for a companion!! > > Warm Regards, > > Mujeeb > > On 2/14/14, avinash shahi <[email protected]> wrote: >> Interesting read, published today so I thought why not to circulate. >> By Malavika Santhebennur Ramp Up 14 Feb 2014 A Valentine's lesson: >> someone who loves you for who you are is someone worth being with. >> Credit: pcatalin (iStockphoto) >> http://www.abc.net.au/rampup/articles/2014/02/14/3943912.htm >> With her family's cultural values, Malavika Santhebennur was happy for >> her parents to play match maker and help find her a husband. But she >> was disappointed to find that even with their help, sometimes >> prejudice against disability is no match for love. >> >> Happy Valentine's Day! >> >> Also, happy Singles Appreciation Day! >> >> As I plough through my 20s, I see friends and family enter >> relationships, marriage, even parenthood. >> >> I'm 26 years old and was born in India. I am at what they call in my >> culture 'a marriageable age'. I want to get married, so being of >> marriageable age isn't a problem. That is not to say, however, that >> I'm sitting by the window waiting for my Prince Charming to sweep me >> off my feet. Being a full-time journalist at a financial publication, >> socialising, travelling, and belting out (bad) karaoke numbers every >> now and then gives me plenty to do. >> >> I also have mild cerebral palsy. 'Vanilla' might describe it. Yet the >> social impacts of this disability have not quite been vanilla. >> >> My mother faced a lot of difficulty delivering me and the doctor had >> to use forceps. My first cry was delayed due to lack of oxygen. Things >> were chugging along quite well until my parents noticed that I was >> missing the milestones I was supposed to have as a child. I could not >> sit on my own without support until I was one year old. I had not >> started walking even at one and a half. >> >> My parents started running around to various doctors, until one got it >> right. He said, "Now I want you to sit down. What I'm about to tell >> you will be hard to take." >> >> The doctor told my parents I had cerebral palsy. I would need an >> operation on both legs to stretch my tendons. I would need >> physiotherapy everyday for at least two years. I finally started >> walking at age three and a half. Today, I walk with a limp. And my >> hands and arms have tremors and spasms. >> >> My parents started looking for a husband for me at the beginning of >> 2011. They are playing match maker, rather than 'arranging' the >> marriage. It's my call at the end of the day. >> >> My parents signed me up to various online matrimonial websites. They >> have described me as a family person, educated and fun-loving. They >> have also mentioned that I have a limp. When people contact us to >> express interest, my parents tell them the full story. >> >> We have received various expressions of interest, but to date I've >> only met one guy. Just over two years ago, my dad sent me the profile >> and picture of a man in Bangalore. I liked his profile enough to want >> to meet him. >> >> My mum travelled to India to meet him first. Then I started talking to >> him over the phone and e-mail. I felt chemistry. I told him about my >> disability. He said he was okay with it and was looking forward to >> meet me. >> >> Looked promising. >> >> My parents and I flew to India to meet him in December 2011. He called >> me twice on the day we landed. I woke up on the day of our meeting >> with jetlag and butterflies in my stomach. I got dressed up and wore a >> sari. >> >> I chatted alone with him for an hour about our interests, goals, and >> what we wanted out of life. We then joined the parents in the lounge >> room. >> >> I asked his mother if she had any questions and concerns. I got >> silence. She smiled nervously and shook her head. >> >> When we didn't hear from them for a week, my mum rang the guy. >> >> He told Mum he was concerned I would be too much of a dependant. His >> mum had separated from her husband and the guy was her main support. >> He was scared that I'd be an additional dependant. >> >> I called and told him to visit me again so we could chat. While on the >> phone he told me that after we met, he could not eat, he could not >> work and he could not sleep. It was because he was panicking about >> marrying a girl with a disability. >> >> I wanted to allay his fears; convince him that, heavens no, I wouldn't >> be a burden. >> >> When he came over I told him to be honest about what was going through >> his mind. This roughly sums up what he said: >> >> "My mum and I are scared that you will be a dependant. I don't know if >> I can balance looking after you and my mum." >> >> "We are worried about what society will think if I married a girl with >> a disability." >> >> "You didn't tell us you have hand tremors". (I did.) >> >> "My mum's pushing me to find better girls." >> >> Instead of giving him the heave-ho right there, I propped up my case, >> explaining that I was a very independent, educated girl, who was >> capable of doing things on my own. >> >> I waited for his response. Eventually, he said no. >> >> I'm used to stares and comments from strangers. I often hear, "What's >> wrong?", "You're limping. Are you okay?", or "Do you need help?" >> >> When I visited a shopping centre in India a couple of years ago with >> my cousin, a guy walked up to her and asked "Sister, what's wrong with >> your friend's leg?" >> >> And once, a relative told my family about groom-hunting for her >> daughter. She told us about one man who came forward to offer >> marriage. She concluded the story with, "I could not let my daughter >> marry him. He had a limp!" >> >> After the guy in Bangalore's refusal, many people told me that it was >> just one rejection and that I should keep trying to meet other men. >> But for me, the reasons for that rejection cut deep. >> >> I don't mind my parents playing match maker for me. It's not the same >> as having an arranged marriage, which I am completely against. >> However, going through this selection exercise, I've felt like having >> a disability is like having a criminal record that I should keep >> hidden. >> >> Days before I was about to meet him, I was advised not to get nervous. >> Because when I get nervous, my tremors increase and that would put >> people off. I was basically told to look less disabled so as to not >> scare my potential husband away. >> >> But here's the thing. I don't want to seem 'less disabled'. My >> disability has shaped me to be who I am today. And it has taught me a >> hell of a lot about life. >> >> And one of the most important things I've learnt is that the guy who >> looks at my disability as a part of me and my body and loves me for it >> is the guy worth being with. Not the guy who will be with me despite >> my disability. >> >> The search continues. In the meantime, join me on this Valentine's Day >> in spreading the cause of singles appreciation. >> >> Malavika Santhebennur works as a journalist for a business-to-business >> financial publication at Cirrus Media in Chatswood. She writes >> sporadically for a community paper called Indian Link. Reading >> Bollywood gossip is her guilty pleasure. >> >> >> -- >> Avinash Shahi >> M.Phil Research Scholar >> Centre for The Study of Law and Governance >> Jawaharlal Nehru University >> New Delhi India >> >> Time to meet up again! >> Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: >> http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm >> >> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >> of >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> > > Time to meet up again! > Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: > http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm > > > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. >
Time to meet up again! Register for AccessIndia Convention 2014: http://accessindia.org.in/harish/convention.htm Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
