Funny and sad at the same time. Good piece! On Jun 30, 2016 9:32 AM, "Chuck McCown" <[email protected]> wrote:
> I hope this is fair use: > (Kirby's column from the SL Tribune this morning) > > I’ve never met a situation I couldn’t make worse > A couple of weeks ago in Butte, Mont., I watched an elderly couple have a > full-on public meltdown in the hallway of a motel. > > We had driven 500 miles, and my wife was still asleep. I crept out of our > room and went in search of the free breakfast. That’s when I encountered > the couple. > > The angry woman was accusing one of the housekeeping staff of stealing a > jewelry case they had left in the room. The young, tearful worker was > trying to explain in really poor English that they should check with the > front desk. > > The language barrier only made the old woman madder and the young worker > more upset. The woman kept yelling at her to hand over the missing item and > then go back to Mexico where she belonged. Her husband adamantly agreed. He > had a Trump button on his jacket. > > Being the kind of guy I am, I sensed an opportunity to make things worse. > It’s one of several serious personal shortcomings. I am an unrepentant > provocateur. Have been since birth. I can’t help it. > > When someone is throwing a public fit like this, it’s impossible forme to > not step in and help them completely lose their minds. God help me, I love > it. > > The maid wasn’t from Mexico. She was from El Salvador. I know because she > told me. But it was my next question that really set things off. > > “¿Cuál es el problema de este bruja?” I asked. [So what’s the problem with > this witch?] The nervous smile I got from the worker detonated the old > woman’s temper. She hadn’t understood a word I said, but she now knew that > I was on the maid’s side. > > Spittle flying, head bobbing, dentures clacking, she looked like a > RainBird as she screamed and accused all immigrants of being thieves and me > of being a smartass. > > I still wanted some waffles. But no way was I going to pass up a chance to > wind someone up until their head exploded. It’s why I would never make a > good hostage negotiator. > > To get the couple off the maid’s back, I offered to help them fi nd their > missing jewelry case. We went to the front desk and inquired. > > The case was there. Another guest had turned it in when he found it in the > breakfast room on the serving line next to the scrambled eggs. > > Checking the contents of a jewelry bag, the old woman satisfied herself > that nothing had been stolen. She looked at me and sneered. > > Her: “I still wish they would go back to Mexico.” > > Me: “And they wish they could punch you in the face.” > > Her Husband: “Hey! That’s my wife. > > Me: “OK, you punch her.” > > The manager and some security- looking guy showed up then and told us to > calm down for the sake of the other guests. I admitted that the > misunderstanding had been my fault. Wewere all a little on edge because of > the political climate in America. > > “But things will get better when Hillary is president and we all have to > learn Spanish.” > > I thought they were going to need an ambulance. They grabbed the jewelry > bag and stormed out. Climbing into their Trumper-stickered truck with Iowa > plates, they peeled away cursing immigrants and interfering smartasses > alike. My wife was awake when I got back to the room. > > “What’s breakfast like?” > > “Not bad. There was a floor show, but you missed it.” > >
