*Bottle feeding: * An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am, too.

*Defense: * What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the
children play outside.


*Drooling: * How teething babies wash their chins.


*Dumbwaiter: * One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.


*Family planning: * The art of spacing your children the proper distance
apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster


*Feedback: *  The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the
strained carrots.


*Full name: * What you call your child when you're mad at him.


*Grandparents: * The people who think your children are wonderful even
though they're sure you're not raising them right.


*Hearsay: * What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.


*Impregnable: * woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.


*Independent: * How we want our children to be as long as they do everything
we say.


*Look out: * What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream
it.


*Prenatal: * When your life was still somewhat your own.


*Preprared childbirth: * A contradiction in terms.


*Puddle: * A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry
shoes into it.


*Show off: * A child who is more talented than yours.


*Sterilize: *  What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and
to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.


*Storeroom: * The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that
children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.


*Temper tantrums: * What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the
children.


*Top bunk: * Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.


*Two-minute warning: * When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make
those familiar grunting noises.


*Verbal: * Able to whine in words


*Whodunit: * None of the kids that live in your house.


*Whoops: * An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

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