** *An EKG is a ticker tape*
Why is a ship called 'she'? A ship is called 'she' because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about; It takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; She looks good all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom, and when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. *A grizzly was half buried in a pile of snow. It was a bear mid-drift. (James Ertner)* I was buying stamps today at the post office and was given the choice of flags which I wavered on and another stamp which featured a white heron-type of bird. I made my decision and went with Old Glory but instantly wished I had chose the other one, which would come in particularly handy when RSVPing to invitations that I would be unable to accept, because with a mere glance at the envelope the host could realize that I was sending my egrets. (Tiff Wimberly) *So I finally get up the courage to join Weight Watchers, and then those sick bastards keep sending me food! (Mark D. Sabien)* The late Cyril Homer, a fellow Army Chaplain, was filling the pulpit for a minister who was out of town. He stated, "No one can really take the place of your pastor. In fact, I feel like a piece of cardboard used to temporarily replace a broken window pane." After the service, a little old lady approached him and said, "Brother Homer, you're not a piece of cardboard. You're a real pane!" ** *If you do research in optics, you will have to do some light reading.* One day Jason comes home from school, goes straight to his father and asks, "What is fornication, Dad?" He gets the same answer all Jewish fathers give: "Why don't you ask your mother, Son?" So Jason goes into the kitchen and asks his mother, "What is fornication Mom? Dad said you would know." His mother replies, "I'm busy right now Jason, why don't you go and ask your bubbe? She will tell you." So Jason goes upstairs to his bubbe's room, knocks on her door and shouts, "Please, Bubbe, what is fornication? No one around here seems to know. " Bubbe says, "Come inside, tahtellah." She then takes him to her closet, opens the door, takes out a beautiful full-length pink, beaded evening dress and says, "This, tahtellah, is foranoccasion!" ** *I came back from Europe thinking German families were very large. Many times when I would ask a German if they had any children, they would reply, "Nein."* Hillary Graham, a veterinarian, was feeling ill and went to see her doctor, Max Weinstein. Dr. Weinstein asked Hillary all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when Hillary interrupted him: "As a vet, I don't need to ask my patients all kinds of annoying questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" Dr. Weinstein nodded, stood back, looked her up and down, quickly wrote out a prescription, handed it to Hillary and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put to sleep." ** *I'd love to change the world, but I can't find a big enough diaper. * * * -- you have this email because you join to "aga-madjid" GoogleGroups. to post emails, just send to : [email protected] to join this group, send blank email to : [email protected] to quit from this group, just send email to : [email protected] please visit to www.facebook.com/aga.madjid, add my Yahoo Messenger at [email protected] or add my twitter @aga_madjid thanks for joinning this group.
