-----Original Message----- From: Stan Kegel <[email protected]> Sender: [email protected] Date: Thu, 20 Jan 2011 03:33:02 To: Twisted Humor<[email protected]>; Dragon Laffs<[email protected]>; Jfunny Place<[email protected]>; Nunizo Nunizo<[email protected]>; Just Humor Me Me<[email protected]> Reply-To: [email protected] Subject: MisfitsCafe.com - Puns of the Day 01-20-11
PUNS OF THE DAY 01-20-11 Did you hear about the fat, alcoholic transvestite - All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary. A hearse was taking a man to a remote cemetery on the top of a mountain overlooking a small town. The driver took a curve too quickly causing the casket to roll out of the back and down a very long hill. There happened to be a Wal-Mart store at the bottom of the hill and the casket rolled through the open loading dock door, down one of the aisles and right past the pharmacy counter. As it rolled by, a cadaverous head peeked out of the casket and asked the pharmacist, "do you have anything to stop this coffin"? My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak. The Toilet tanks on commercial airlines often leak. This results in the formation of deposits of blue ice on the fuselage. The ice is composed of feces, urine and blue-liquid disinfectant. Now, occasionally, when a plane must descend very rapidly from a great height, as in the Rockies, chunks of blue ice ranging up to two hundred pounds can, and do, break off and shell the countryside. I have seen a UPI wire photo of an apartment in Denver that was demolished by a fifty-pound chunk of blue ice, The airline bought the occupants a house. Neither was hurt, and for a while, until it began to melt, they were actually grateful for the coolness the bolus provided. It was summer, you see, and the impact had destroyed their electric fan. So even if you live where there are no strategic military targets, you can still be attacked by an icy B. M. (By Spider Robinson) Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." If a farmer is mumbling and you can barley understand him, give him a rye look. He may have a "my grain" headache, and can hardly wheat until harvest time. But don't worry, he'll always till it like it is. (Mike Bull) Humboldt the Brewer was leading a tour of his brewery when the gangplank over a vat of herb scented beer gave way. The entire group would have drowned if Humboldt, who suffered from seizures, had not had a seizure and hit the escape button with his arm. The next day the headline read: A Twitch in Thyme Saves Nine. Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy, your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. (Woody Allen) In the fall of each year, Jews around the world celebrate Succoth, a holiday that commemorates the harvest season. One of the items used in a synagogue ritual is a palm frond, called a lulav (pronounced loolav) which can be purchased in the heart of the theatre district. This practice is known as "the lulav buy of Braodway." The apostles' carpooled in a Honda. "The Apostles were in one Accord." -- you have this email because you join to "aga-madjid" GoogleGroups. to post emails, just send to : [email protected] to join this group, send blank email to : [email protected] to quit from this group, just send email to : [email protected] please visit to www.facebook.com/aga.madjid, add my Yahoo Messenger at [email protected] or add my twitter @aga_madjid thanks for joinning this group.
