This is a good strategy.
On 8/8/17, George Abraham via Ai <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote:
> Well, I too travel all over the country and also internationally on my own.
> But having said this, I plan my travels in such a way that where ever human
> support is needed, I organise it in advance. I guess that is my way of
> dealing with situations. No escort travels with me. When I travel for a
> conference, I do request the organisers to arrange for a volunteer to be
> with me primarily with the object of help with networking. If one is alone
> at a conference networking becomes a major challenge. If one is not able to
> network, then attending a conference often becomes a waste of time.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On Behalf Of
> Mahendra Galani via Ai
> Sent: 08 August 2017 12:09
> To: Share, empower &Enrich
> Cc: Mahendra Galani
> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a regressive
> view about the capabilities of the disabled
>
> well Rajesh, its way out, as not many blind can have sighted person
> all the time.
>
> on your own helps independent and intigration as well.
> i manage alone here in Austria, as i am very independent.
> we both blind doing wonderful in our life.
> Adina and me travel many countrys,
> we enjoy on our own, then many of our friends here who travel with
> sighted help all the time.
> they will never try on there own, and will not, if sighted help is
> not available.
>
> surely we all need sighted help.
> but its not allways needed.
>
>
> At 05:35 AM 8/8/2017 +0000, you wrote:
>>If the poor blind venture out unescorted out of compulsion, it is
>>not the way out.
>>
>>
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On
>>Behalf Of Vidhya Y via Ai
>>Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2017 10:37 AM
>>To: Share, empower &Enrich
>>Cc: Vidhya Y
>>Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a
>>regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>>
>>completely agree with Avinash.
>>
>>On 8/8/17, Mahendra Galani via Ai <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
> wrote:
>> > i agree with Avinash.
>> > At 03:24 PM 8/7/2017 +0530, you wrote:
>> >>Without offending anyone, I believe that poverty is a great enabler if
>> >>one is totally blind. My friends who travel by bus/metro/train  are
>> >>more assertive/independent while negotiating challenges than those who
>> >>travel by car/airplane. I'd be happy if someone could disapprove this
>> >>hypotheses. English-speaking blind individuals may be good at
>> >>delivering lectures/talking worldly affairs, but non-English blind
>> >>individuals are good at living independently.poor blind individual is
>> >>more likely to marry a blind girl; the rich blind individual however
>> >>goes for a sighted one. Why, cause a poor blind is more confident
>> >>that he/she will be able to take on challenges as blind couple.
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>  On 8/7/17, Asudani, Rajesh via Ai
>> >> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote:
>> >> > Had not thought to write, since it is a very tricky question and
> there
>> >> > is a
>> >> > very fine line of distinction between being concerned and being
>> >> > overprotective when it comes to children with disabilities.
>> >> > Being one of the five siblings with blindness in my family, I have
>> >> > experienced all the methods suggested here for gaining a reasonable
>> >> > degree
>> >> > of independence.
>> >> >
>> >> > Let me clarify I am not a votary of hyper independence.
>> >> > As I had said about six years back in retina India controversy,
>> >> An escort is
>> >> > a necessity for a totally blind person, if it is available,
> affordable
>> >> > and
>> >> > there are no privacy concerns.
>> >> > It however does not mean a blind person cannot and should not travel
>> >> > alone
>> >> > at all.
>> >> >
>> >> > Now, the big question is who that escort should be.
>> >> > If friends, then they must be reliable friends.
>> >> > Not only that, It should be brought home to parents that the friends
>> >> > are
>> >> > reliable.
>> >> > Besides, if hired escort is available, why not, since we can have
>> >> > better
>> >> > control over a person we are paying.
>> >> >
>> >> > Escorting from a distance may also be tried, just to keep out of
>> >> harm's way,
>> >> > as I am fond of saying, it does not take even half an  accident
>> >> > to......
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > Rajesh
>> >> >
>> >> > -----Original Message-----
>> >> > From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On
> Behalf
>> >> > Of
>> >> > Shireen Irani via Ai
>> >> > Sent: Monday, August 07, 2017 1:57 PM
>> >> > To: Share, empower &Enrich
>> >> > Cc: Shireen Irani
>> >> > Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a
>> >> > regressive
>> >> > view about the capabilities of the disabled
>> >> >
>> >> > hi rahul,
>> >> >
>> >> > since you are sort of trying to come to terms with adopting not very
>> >> > comfortable means as a last resort, I'm gonna suggest 1 last 1, and
>> >> > then you could choose the safer option from the 2.
>> >> >
>> >> > what if a few of us, perhaps your friends, and a couple of seniors
>> >> > from the community, meet with your parent/s, and sit for a couple of
>> >> > hours trying to reason things out with them? I know it might sound a
>> >> > bit intrusive, but again, in my experience a calm conversation with
>> >> > outsiders is sometimes more effective for changing minds, because 1
>> >> > gets used to not taking home members too seriously with issues
> related
>> >> > to change. I think you mentioned that the parent in question lives
> in
>> >> > a different city? in which case we could either wait till they're
> all
>> >> > in the same city at some point, or gather a team from the city where
>> >> > he resides.
>> >> >
>> >> > do think about it, it may not be as bad as what you might instantly
>> >> > imagine. and you may not have much to loos, even if there's no
>> >> > success. but I'm reasonably confident that there may be some hope
> for
>> >> > change.
>> >> >
>> >> > again, this is just 1 of many suggestions, without meaning to be
>> >> > intrusive.
>> >> >
>> >> > best,
>> >> >
>> >> > Shireen.
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > On 8/7/17, George Abraham via Ai
> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
>> >> > wrote:
>> >> >> One more small point. Unless one is financial independent can one
> take
>> >> >> such
>> >> >> a stand with the parents. This is true for even non disabled
> children.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> -----Original Message-----
>> >> >> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On
> Behalf
>> >> >> Of
>> >> >> Kanchan Pamnani via Ai
>> >> >> Sent: 05 August 2017 17:16
>> >> >> To: 'Share, empower &Enrich'
>> >> >> Cc: Kanchan Pamnani
>> >> >> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a
>> >> >> regressive
>> >> >> view about the capabilities of the disabled
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Rahul,
>> >> >> You cannot execute and then inform if you want to travel.
>> >> >> Plan well  without informing your parents. Only inform them when
> you
>> >> >> are
>> >> >> absolutely sure.
>> >> >> Your words should be that "I am going to x place with ABC on Date
> by
>> >> >> flight
>> >> >> or train". Don't ask them just matter of fact tell them. Don't ask
> for
>> >> >> money. This trip you have to do with your saved finances.
>> >> >> It is best to give them full details when you tell them. Make a
> small
>> >> >> itenary - Date of travel,how, from where to where.
>> >> >> Where are you staying and the phone no of the place with address.
> This
>> >> >> may
>> >> >> sound silly in the days of mobile when they can reach you directly.
>> >> >> However
>> >> >> it helps them calm down because there will be many times you will
> not
>> >> >> pick
>> >> >> up your mobile.
>> >> >> I had a loving father but a very concerned one. So I dealt with him
>> >> >> properly. I gave him the full information and had answers for
>> >> >> everything
>> >> >> he
>> >> >> may have asked me. My dad was a lawyer and you know and I knew how
>> >> >> many
>> >> >> questions I had to answer. However I went for everything I wanted
>> >> >> to-including holidays with friends. It helps if your folks know
> your
>> >> >> friends. I always invited my friends home so there was a feeling of
>> >> >> trust.
>> >> >> Also I must tell you that until my Dad was alive I got a call every
>> >> >> night
>> >> >> even when I went to Delhi for one night. He did not care what I was
>> >> >> doing
>> >> >> so
>> >> >> I could have been in my hotel room or at a bar. He just wanted to
> hear
>> >> >> my
>> >> >> voice at 10pm before he fell asleep. I used to get irritated
> because I
>> >> >> would
>> >> >> think what if something happened to me at 11pm and he could not
> take
>> >> >> care
>> >> >> of
>> >> >> me. Once I was in Connought Place with 2 friends  both sighted.
> Both
>> >> >> my
>> >> >> age.
>> >> >> Arun was married and in fact a grandfather. He too got a call from
> his
>> >> >> father while we were having dinner. Ayesha is a Senior Journalist
> and
>> >> >> lives
>> >> >> in Delhi. She too got a call from her mother. So calm down parents
>> >> >> will
>> >> >> be
>> >> >> parents.
>> >> >> Don't do something stupid because then they will hold it over your
>> >> >> head
>> >> >> forever.
>> >> >> A lot of people on this group drink extensively. Its not really a
> nice
>> >> >> scene
>> >> >> when you have a drunk blind person who needs help. Word does reach
>> >> >> parents.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> The last thing I would suggest is try to be as independent as
>> >> >> possible.
>> >> >> Handle your packing personally and don't ask for help when you are
>> >> >> dealing
>> >> >> with your personal things.
>> >> >> Assert yourself but do it maturely.
>> >> >> Kanchan
>> >> >> -----Original Message-----
>> >> >> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On
> Behalf
>> >> >> Of
>> >> >> Rahul Bajaj via Ai
>> >> >> Sent: 05 August 2017 16:34
>> >> >> To: Share, empower &Enrich
>> >> >> Cc: Rahul Bajaj
>> >> >> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a
>> >> >> regressive
>> >> >> view about the capabilities of the disabled
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Thanks again.
>> >> >> Geetha, I agree with you that absolute independence is undesirable,
>> >> >> but
>> >> >> what
>> >> >> we are talking here  about is reasonable independence. When offered
>> >> >> the
>> >> >> possibility of travelling with a friend, the parent says that
> friends
>> >> >> are
>> >> >> likely to abandon you in case any problem arises. Only family
> members
>> >> >> or
>> >> >> servants can be trusted.
>> >> >> When asked to seek advice and support from orgs like Enable India,
> the
>> >> >> parent says that those support systems exist for those who cannot
>> >> >> afford
>> >> >> personal servants. They are of no use to someone who can afford
>> >> >> personal
>> >> >> helpers.
>> >> >>
>> >> >> The approach outlined by Shireen, though difficult, then remains
> the
>> >> >> only
>> >> >> solution. Shireen, if one wants to travel alone/with a friend, and
> one
>> >> >> is
>> >> >> living with one parent who will inform the unreasonable parent
> about
>> >> >> everything, how can one adopt the strategy of executing and then
>> >> >> informing?
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Best,
>> >> >> Rahul
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Sent from my iPhone
>> >> >>
>> >> >>> On Aug 5, 2017, at 12:53 PM, Shireen Irani via Ai
>> >> >> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote:
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> hi Rahul,
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> most of what i wish to say has been said already, but I'd like to
>> >> >>> reiterate a couple of things that i think are imperative,
> regardless
>> >> >>> of the temporary discomfort they may cause in the relationship.
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> as an adult, whether disabled or not, 1 needs to put one's foot
> down,
>> >> >>> and have the free will to decide one's own actions with total
>> >> >>> responsibility for them. parents often find that difficult to
> accept,
>> >> >>> partly for control, and partly because of their fear of being  of
> no
>> >> >>> need to the child any more. so if there's no room for a calm
>> >> >>> conversation, one can make one's decisions and break it to them
>> >> >>> immediately before, or after you start executing it. even the
>> >> >>> language
>> >> >>> you use needs to be assertive and firm,  reassuring them that you
> do
>> >> >>> love and respect them, but  these are a few things that you will
> not
>> >> >>> allow them to control, because  they are now yours to take charge
> of.
>> >> >>> this is also when you  ask them: what they think you will do, once
>> >> >>> they're not around any more to protect you from the big bad world.
> we
>> >> >>> know of countless stories of parents who threaten to harm
> themselves
>> >> >>> in cases of their children marrying against the parents wishes,
> but
>> >> >>> after a few months it all defuses and the family is 1 again. so
>> >> >>> particularly with emotional blackmail, I know it sounds
> unpleasant,
>> >> >>> but it is best to assert, that you will not be deterred by any
> such
>> >> >>> threats.
>> >> >>> the way to balance things out could be to show them that you'd
> love
>> >> >>> their intervention in certain areas, but not in a few others.
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> also, it really does help even if in tiny ways, for them to see
> other
>> >> >>> blind people moving around more independently. so wherever
> possible,
>> >> >>> do invite a friend over, introduce them to your parents, and then
>> >> >>> perhaps spontaneously decide to venture out on your own, the 2 of
>> >> >>> you,
>> >> >>> without opportunity for any further discussion on the matter.
>> >> >>> finally, I think financial independence, and your ability to
> manage
>> >> >>> your own finances without their help, and also contributing
> towards
>> >> >>> the running of the house, usually goes a long way as a sign of
> your
>> >> >>> independent adulthood. if you can politely deny any1 else's help/
>> >> >>> control in financial matters, and then prove your efficiency with
>> >> >>> wise
>> >> >>> money management, then it becomes    relatively easier to assert
> your
>> >> >>> independence  in other areas.
>> >> >>> of course your own confidence and ability is paramount before you
>> >> >>> take
>> >> >>> such steps.
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> what I'd emphasise the most in all this is, do not give in to
>> >> >>> emotional blackmail!! just do not.
>> >> >>> prepare yourself for some temporary strain, and look forward to a
>> >> >>> healthier and more meaningful future with your family.
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> best,
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> Shireen.
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>>> On 8/5/17, Rahul Bajaj via Ai
> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
>> >> >> wrote:
>> >> >>>> Thanks, Alok. I agree that the anxiety and fear of the parent
> here
>> >> >>>> is
>> >> >>>> divorced from the actual capabilities of the disabled person.
>> >> >>>> Such blind resistance to accepting the proposition that  the
> blind
>> >> >>>> person has to be given space to grow and make their own mistakes
> is
>> >> >>>> what creates an impasse.
>> >> >>>> If a blind adult is told that they will always need an escort,
> but
>> >> >>>> the only difference will be that the escort will be their wife
>> >> >>>> instead of their mother in future, that reflects the parent's
>> >> >>>> absolute failure to understand the other person's perspective.
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>> I think the suggestions that you have offered are very helpful.
>> >> >>>> However, they nonetheless presuppose that the parent is willing
> to
>> >> >>>> engage in a calm conversation with a semi open mind. The
> fundamental
>> >> >>>> problem here is that that also is not true most of the time.
>> >> >>>> The disabled person is told that the parent will start stepping
> back
>> >> >>>> when the disabled person acquires the requisite independence.
> When
>> >> >>>> asked to outline the criteria based on which the parent will be
> able
>> >> >>>> to say that the child has reached that level, the parent becomes
>> >> >>>> confrontational and states that the disabled person has not seen
> the
>> >> >>>> darker side of the world yet.
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>> Best,
>> >> >>>> Rahul
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>>> On 05/08/2017, Alok Kaushik <alok.li...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> >> >>>>> Hi Rahul,
>> >> >>>>> What you have mentioned suggests that the  fundamental issue is
>> >> >>>>> not
>> >> >>>>> about the capabilities of the visually impaired person and
> parent's
>> >> >>>>> comfort level with it but a limitation that the parent himself /
>> >> >>>>> herself  is facing in terms  of handling the situation if
>> >> >>>>> something
>> >> >>>>> goes wrong. He / she has  a fixed  idea that he / she is
>> >> >>>>> responsible
>> >> >>>>> for  the  VI person, and  hence has  to take decisions.
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> This is a  more  difficult scenario to deal  with because it is
> not
>> >> >>>>> about VI person's but  their notions of  their own limitations
> and
>> >> >>>>> responsibilities.
>> >> >>>>> In such a case while  demonstrating your capabilities is
>> >> >>>>> important,
>> >> >>>>> it is equally important to relieve them of  the burden of  that
>> >> >>>>> sense of responsibility and limitation. This would  especially
> be
>> >> >>>>> relevant in case of single parents, and  also  in  scenarios  in
>> >> >>>>> which parents consider themselves to be socially answerable if
>> >> >>>>> anything
>> >> >> goes wrong.
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> It would be important to make  them  understand that their
> support
>> >> >>>>> would not  be everlasting, and  their help  is needed to make
>> >> >>>>> oneself independent, if they really want him / her to live well.
>> >> >>>>> They can  better help adapt, practice, and achieve  a  high
> level
>> >> >>>>> of
>> >> >>>>> comfort while they can still support . One saying  that I often
> use
>> >> >>>>> to  quote is "You give your  son a  fish, he eats today. You
> teach
>> >> >>>>> him how to fish, he eats every day.".
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> I  have also seen some parents say that you can do whatever you
>> >> >>>>> want
>> >> >>>>> after us but not  while we are still around. This again reflects
>> >> >>>>> that the focus of their thinking is not really the limitations
> of
>> >> >>>>> the visually impaired person but their own limitations.
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> One may have to  make  the parents realize they have a  support
>> >> >>>>> system to handle any situation. And  also,  it needs to come out
> in
>> >> >>>>> one's communication that he / she is now prepared to take on the
>> >> >>>>> responsibilities of his / her actions.
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> I  would like  to reiterate that patience is  still the  key. If
>> >> >>>>> one really intends to  be  independent, it would eventually
> happen.
>> >> >>>>> In  fact at some point being independent would  be a requirement
>> >> >>>>> whether one wants to or not.
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> Thanks.
>> >> >>>>> Alok
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> -----Original Message-----
>> >> >>>>> From: Rahul Bajaj [mailto:rahul.bajaj10...@gmail.com]
>> >> >>>>> Sent: Friday, August 04, 2017 9:16 PM
>> >> >>>>> To: Share, empower &Enrich
>> >> >>>>> Cc: Alok Kaushik
>> >> >>>>> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a
>> >> >>>>> regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> Thank you, everyone. Your responses are very insightful and
>> >> >> informative.
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> Alok, I agree with you that one has to strive to avoid either of
>> >> >>>>> those extremes. However, all these suggestions operate on the
>> >> >>>>> premise that the parent in question is reasonable and willing to
>> >> >>>>> change their views based on changing circumstances. I am afraid
>> >> >>>>> that
>> >> >>>>> is not always the case. Some parents cannot be reasoned with and
>> >> >>>>> offer you a choice between not doing something and doing it as
> per
>> >> >>>>> their own unreasonable terms. What choice is one left with in
> such
>> >> >>>>> cases?
>> >> >>>>> Further, while the incremental approach works best, that cannot
>> >> >>>>> address a parent's unfounded fear that something horrible will
>> >> >>>>> happen.
>> >> >>>>> Finally, if a parent is blackmailing a child into not doing
>> >> >>>>> something or doing it in a very different way from what the
> child
>> >> >>>>> wants without even articulating genuine safety concerns that
> make
>> >> >>>>> them wary, what should one do?
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> Best,
>> >> >>>>> Rahul
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> On Aug 4, 2017, at 2:36 PM, Alok Kaushik via Ai
>> >> >>>>>> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote:
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Hi Rahul,
>> >> >>>>>> You have  brought  up a very relevant subject. Although I
> always
>> >> >>>>>> had a very understanding family, I  also had  to experience  a
>> >> >>>>>> phase  in which the family members had to  be  brought  to a
>> >> >>>>>> certain comfort level. I never faced any restrictions but
>> >> >>>>>> additional comfort level had to be developed, and I can easily
>> >> >>>>>> observe the change in level of  comfort and confidence they now
>> >> >>>>>> have.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Besides that I have also seen several cases around me, in which
>> >> >>>>>> similar issues as  mentioned  by you were present. Here are my
>> >> >>>>>> observations and thoughts.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> I do not think that  any organization or friend will  be able
> to
>> >> >>>>>> make a decisive impact on the  thinking of  parents / family
>> >> >>>>>> members just by telling them about some of the other people who
>> >> >>>>>> have been able to do much more. It largely depends on how much
>> >> >>>>>> drive the visually impaired person himself / herself has to
>> >> >>>>>> become
>> >> >>>>>> independent, and how effectively that is expressed.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> One  of  the main reasons of the parents is the safety concern.
>> >> >>>>>> One
>> >> >>>>>> still needs to take a decision to go ahead and do things but
>> >> >>>>>> taking some measures could help understand the parents that he
> /
>> >> >>>>>> she is not reckless about the safety. For example, one can
> share
>> >> >>>>>> the taxi number while travelling outside at home, it
> communicates
>> >> >>>>>> the same message, while being an actual safety measure. Letting
>> >> >>>>>> the
>> >> >>>>>> family members know when to expect you back home realistically
>> >> >>>>>> would provide them extra comfort. These actions are simply
> related
>> >> >>>>>> to information sharing and do  not necessarily restricts
> oneself.
>> >> >>>>>> This goes a long way in  developing a comfort level without
>> >> >>>>>> creating any friction in the relationship.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Besides moving outdoors,  if  there are other things that one
> is
>> >> >>>>>> looking to do but is facing restrictive approach, comfort level
>> >> >>>>>> can
>> >> >>>>>> best be created by generating opportunities to demonstrate that
>> >> >>>>>> one
>> >> >>>>>> would  be happy doing such a task  and  can do it.
> Communicating
>> >> >>>>>> that he / she would definitely ask for  help if  needed is
> also
>> >> >>>>>> very effective. There  is no better conviction then actually
>> >> >>>>>> seeing
>> >> >>>>>> a person doing something.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> A few  things that we need  to keep in mind is that we
> ourselves
>> >> >>>>>> need to be patient while persisting with the  effort to
>> >> >>>>>> demonstrate
>> >> >>>>>> and develop and  confidence  in others. It will  take  some
> time
>> >> >>>>>> and  repeated observations by others before their  scepticism
>> >> >>>>>> could
>> >> >>>>>> change to conviction.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> It is possible that one may have to be more  assertive at
> times,
>> >> >>>>>> but it would be good to balance it out rather quickly to avoid
> any
>> >> >>>>>> negative effect on the relationship. Underlying feeling behind
> the
>> >> >>>>>> assertiveness needs to be that of confidence and not disregard.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Of course  there would  be two extremes, one in which a person
>> >> >>>>>> chooses to enjoy the convenience that a protective environment
>> >> >>>>>> offers,  which comes back  and bites hard  once that supportive
>> >> >>>>>> environment collapses or dents, or in other  in which a person
>> >> >>>>>> becomes a rebel, gains the independence and the relationships
>> >> >>>>>> languishes.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> My thoughts are to bring about a change while sustaining good
>> >> >>>>>> relationships.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Thanks.
>> >> >>>>>> Alok
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>> >> >>>>>> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On
>> >> >>>>>> Behalf Of Rahul Bajaj via Ai
>> >> >>>>>> Sent: Friday, August 04, 2017 1:12 PM
>> >> >>>>>> To: ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> >>>>>> Cc: Rahul Bajaj
>> >> >>>>>> Subject: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a
>> >> >>>>>> regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Hi Everyone,
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> I hope this message finds you well.
>> >> >>>>>> At the outset, let me clarify that this question may or may not
>> >> >>>>>> have anything to do with my own personal experiences, so I'd
>> >> >>>>>> appreciate it if the aim of the conversation could be to
>> >> >>>>>> understand
>> >> >>>>>> this phenomenon in general terms as opposed to focusing too
> much
>> >> >>>>>> on
>> >> >>>>>> my
>> >> >> own situation.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> While a lot of us focus on the importance of sensitizing
> various
>> >> >>>>>> stakeholders, such as employers, academic institutions and
> others
>> >> >>>>>> about the capabilities of the disabled, few focus on the
>> >> >>>>>> discrimination that the disabled face in their own homes due to
>> >> >>>>>> the
>> >> >>>>>> view that their own family has about their capabilities or
>> >> >>>>>> potential.
>> >> >>>>>> More specifically, if one has a parent who is unwilling to
> learn
>> >> >>>>>> from the experiences of other blind people and give their
> disabled
>> >> >>>>>> child the freedom that we all deserve, to what extent should
> one
>> >> >>>>>> follow what such a parent says?
>> >> >>>>>> Further, while safety is doubtless important, if the disabled
>> >> >>>>>> person has the requisite maturity to ascertain if they will be
>> >> >>>>>> safe
>> >> >>>>>> in a given environment, should they act as per their own
>> >> >>>>>> assessment
>> >> >>>>>> or follow what their parent is saying, in the fear of
> alienating
>> >> >>>>>> them?
>> >> >>>>>> I think there are many emotional forces at play in a family
>> >> >>>>>> setting
>> >> >>>>>> that may not be involved in other settings. For instance, one
>> >> >>>>>> often
>> >> >>>>>> hears of parents emotionally blackmailing their children into
>> >> >>>>>> acting the way they want without recognizing that this may not
> be
>> >> >>>>>> in the child's best interest.
>> >> >>>>>> Finally, what makes the situation worse is the fact that the
>> >> >>>>>> external world [friends and wellwishers] is also often
>> >> >>>>>> apprehensive
>> >> >>>>>> to interfere in these matters on behalf of the disabled person
> on
>> >> >>>>>> the ground that this is an internal family matter, so that
> makes
>> >> >>>>>> it
>> >> >>>>>> significantly harder for the disabled person to fully assert
>> >> >>>>>> himself/herself.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> If any of you have dealt with the above, I'd be curious to know
>> >> >>>>>> what you think about these issues.
>> >> >>>>>> I am mindful of the fact that not many people would be open to
>> >> >>>>>> discussing this on a public forum, so please feel free to mail
> me
>> >> >>>>>> off-list about this. Further, not many may see this as a
> problem,
>> >> >>>>>> given how  accustomed they are to succumbing to their parents'
>> >> >>>>>> wishes, no matter how uninformed and inappropriate those wishes
>> >> >>>>>> may
>> >> >> be.
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Best,
>> >> >>>>>> Rahul
>> >> >>>>>> Disclaimer:
>> >> >>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>> >> >>>>>> thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way
> relates
>> >> >>>>>> itself to its veracity;
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based
> on
>> >> >>>>>> the mails sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old
>> >> >>>>>> posting,
>> >> >>>>>> reach:
>> >> >>>>>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mai
>> >> >>>>>> lli st.html _______________________________________________
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Ai mailing list
>> >> >>>>>> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> >>>>>> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Disclaimer:
>> >> >>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>> >> >>>>>> thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way
> relates
>> >> >>>>>> itself to its veracity;
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based
> on
>> >> >>>>>> the mails sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old
>> >> >>>>>> posting,
>> >> >>>>>> reach:
>> >> >>>>>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mai
>> >> >>>>>> lli st.html _______________________________________________
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>>
>> >> >>>>>> Ai mailing list
>> >> >>>>>> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> >>>>>> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>>>
>> >> >>>> Disclaimer:
>> >> >>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>> >> >>>> thinking
>> >> >>>> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to
>> >> >>>> its
>> >> >>>> veracity;
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on
> the
>> >> >>>> mails sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old
> posting,
>> >> >> reach:
>> >> >>>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maill
>> >> >>>> ist.html _______________________________________________
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>>> Ai mailing list
>> >> >>>> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> >>>> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >> >>>>
>> >> >>> Disclaimer:
>> >> >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
> thinking
>> >> >>> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to
> its
>> >> >>> veracity;
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on
> the
>> >> >> mails
>> >> >> sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old
> posting,
>> >> >> reach:
>> >> >>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailli
>> >> >>> st.html _______________________________________________
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>>
>> >> >>> Ai mailing list
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>> >> >> Disclaimer:
>> >> >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
> thinking
>> >> >> of
>> >> >> the
>> >> >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
>> >> >> veracity;
>> >> >>
>> >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on
> the
>> >> >> mails
>> >> >> sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>> >> >> reach:
>> >> >>
>> >>
>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.ht
>> >> >> m
>> >> >> l
>> >> >> _______________________________________________
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Ai mailing list
>> >> >> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
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>> >> >>
>> >> >> Disclaimer:
>> >> >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
> thinking
>> >> >> of
>> >> >> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
>> >> >> veracity;
>> >> >>
>> >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on
> the
>> >> >> mails
>> >> >> sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>> >> >> reach:
>> >> >>
>> >>
>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.ht
>> >> >> ml
>> >> >> _______________________________________________
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Ai mailing list
>> >> >> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> >> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Disclaimer:
>> >> >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
> thinking
>> >> >> of
>> >> >> the
>> >> >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
>> >> >> veracity;
>> >> >>
>> >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on
> the
>> >> >> mails
>> >> >> sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>> >> >> reach:
>> >> >>
>> >>
>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.ht
> ml
>> >> >> _______________________________________________
>> >> >>
>> >> >>
>> >> >> Ai mailing list
>> >> >> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> >> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >> >>
>> >> > Disclaimer:
>> >> > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>> >> thinking of the
>> >> > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
>> >> > veracity;
>> >> >
>> >> > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
>> >> > mails
>> >> > sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>> >> > reach:
>> >> >
>> >>
>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.ht
> ml
>> >> > _______________________________________________
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > Ai mailing list
>> >> > Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> > http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >> >
>> >> > ________________________________
>> >> >
>> >> > Caution: The Reserve Bank of India never sends mails, SMSs or makes
>> >> > calls
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>> >> > passwords, etc. It never keeps or offers funds to anyone. Please do
> not
>> >> > respond in any manner to such offers, however official or attractive
>> >> > they
>> >> > may look.
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are
> confidential
>> >> > and
>> >> > intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
>> >> > are
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>> >> > use,
>> >> > review, distribution, printing or copying of the information
> contained
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>> >> > this e-mail message and/or attachments to it are strictly
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> or
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> liability
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>> >> > Disclaimer:
>> >> > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>> >> thinking of the
>> >> > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
>> >> > veracity;
>> >> >
>> >> > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
>> >> > mails
>> >> > sent through this mailing list..
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>> >> > reach:
>> >> >
>> >>
>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.ht
> ml
>> >> > _______________________________________________
>> >> >
>> >> >
>> >> > Ai mailing list
>> >> > Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >> > http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >> >
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>--
>> >>Avinash Shahi
>> >>Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
>> >>Disclaimer:
>> >>1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>> >>thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates
>> >>itself to its veracity;
>> >>
>> >>2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
>> >>mails sent through this mailing list..
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
> reach:
>> >>https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/ma
>> illist.html
>> >>_______________________________________________
>> >>
>> >>
>> >>Ai mailing list
>> >>Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> >>http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > with warm regards
>> > Mahendra Galani
>> > Whatsapp/Viber/Skype/Imo/Facetime +43 699 174 555 95
>> > Festnetz +43 1 961 77 47
>> > Addresse, Arneth gasse 45/2/2
>> > 1160 Vienna, Austria, Europe
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > Disclaimer:
>> > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>> thinking of the
>> > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
> veracity;
>> >
>> > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
> mails
>> > sent through this mailing list..
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
> reach:
>> >
>>
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.ht
> ml
>> > _______________________________________________
>> >
>> >
>> > Ai mailing list
>> > Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> > http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>> >
>>Disclaimer:
>>1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>>thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates
>>itself to its veracity;
>>
>>2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
>>mails sent through this mailing list..
>>
>>
>>
>>To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
>>https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.h
> tml
>>_______________________________________________
>>
>>
>>Ai mailing list
>>Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>>http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>>
>>________________________________
>>
>>Caution: The Reserve Bank of India never sends mails, SMSs or makes
>>calls asking for personal information such as your bank account
>>details, passwords, etc. It never keeps or offers funds to anyone.
>>Please do not respond in any manner to such offers, however official
>>or attractive they may look.
>>
>>
>>Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are
>>confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or
>>entity to whom they are addressed. If you are not the intended
>>recipient, any dissemination, use, review, distribution, printing or
>>copying of the information contained in this e-mail message and/or
>>attachments to it are strictly prohibited. If you have received this
>>email by error, please notify us by return e-mail or telephone and
>>immediately and permanently delete the message and any attachments.
>>The recipient should check this email and any attachments for the
>>presence of viruses. The Reserve Bank of India accepts no liability
>>for any damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.
>>Disclaimer:
>>1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the
>>thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates
>>itself to its veracity;
>>
>>2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the
>>mails sent through this mailing list..
>>
>>
>>
>>To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
>>https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.h
> tml
>>_______________________________________________
>>
>>
>>Ai mailing list
>>Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>>http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>
>
>
> with warm regards
> Mahendra Galani
> Whatsapp/Viber/Skype/Imo/Facetime +43 699 174 555 95
> Festnetz +43 1 961 77 47
> Addresse, Arneth gasse 45/2/2
> 1160 Vienna, Austria, Europe
>
>
>
> Disclaimer:
> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of
> the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its
> veracity;
>
> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails
> sent through this mailing list..
>
>
>
> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.ht
> ml
> _______________________________________________
>
>
> Ai mailing list
> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>
> Disclaimer:
> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the
> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity;
>
> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails
> sent through this mailing list..
>
>
>
> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.html
> _______________________________________________
>
>
> Ai mailing list
> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>


-- 
Avinash Shahi
Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
Disclaimer:
1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the 
person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity;

2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent 
through this mailing list..



To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maillist.html
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