Hi Avinash,

Blind people in rich countries have also devised a way to depend on escorts
:-) 

Here in the UK, it is possible to employ an escort  (known as support
worker) to accompany the blind person to conferences, meetings, etc. These
support workers are paid by the government under a scheme created to
encourage more and more disabled people to seek paid employment. 

Some of them take undue advantage of the scheme and misuse it. I have come
across blind people who employ support workers for the same number of hours
in a week that they themselves work. In other words, they have a support
worker with them during every minute that they are at work. This is a
massive wastage of resources; if a blind person is not able to perform a job
independently to a large extent, they shouldn't be hired in the first place.


In this country whose transport system is perhaps one of the best in the
world, a vast majority of blind people still don't travel independently. 

I guess the human tendency to look for an easy solution rather than
challenging oneself is the same everywhere. 

Geetha
-----Original Message-----
From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On Behalf Of
avinash shahi via Ai
Sent: 08 August 2017 12:06
To: Share, empower &Enrich
Cc: avinash shahi
Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a regressive
view about the capabilities of the disabled

As Mr Galani said: "Dependence is not undignified" I agree and I believe in
the practical notion of interdependence. We all whether disabled or
non-disabled are interdependent beings. But being a disabled, accompanying
escort certainly brings many uncomfortable gazes about ones abilities  and
capabilities. I often wonder if India was a rich developed country could
blind people had afford escorts?
I've no qualm in writing on publick platform, its a blessing for blind
people that India is a poor country where cheap labour is available in
abundance. So if you're blind and you've job and little bit money you can
hire less educated, semi/unskilled attendant. Otherwise in the fast growing
world no one has time to say hy to non-disabled let alone blind people. So
poverty of others is a critical constituency which enables blind people to
take escort along. Otherwise, how many car walas come out of their cars and
help blind individuals? its rikshaw pullers and auto wala uncles and
near/distant relatives who are less educated and out of formal job become
escort.




On 8/8/17, Asudani, Rajesh via Ai <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
wrote:
> Well, could not fully comprehend scholarly language.
> But what I understood is that dependence is  undignified.
> So, be it, rather than risking unruly traffic and people.
>
> Escort is not there to be interested in the activity or seminar I am 
> attending, but to catter to my needs arising out of my blindness.
>
> Balanced way is to take help, wherever necessary.
> Necessity may differ with background, specific situation and   monetary
> capacity.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On Behalf 
> Of avinash shahi via Ai
> Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2017 11:46 AM
> To: Share, empower &Enrich
> Cc: avinash shahi
> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a 
> regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>
> Just sharing a sentence from a working paper which I've cited for 
> publication consideration.  Colrege: (1999) while commenting about 
> youth with disabilities writes: 'what are the markers of being an 
> adult for an individual with disabilities, who is regarded as 
> dependent, in need of care and overprotected' (cited in Singal, 2008).
> Now questions arise: In a growing age of hyper capitalism and 
> individual excellence,does dependence entails any degree of dignity?
> And on a moral ground  should our conscience allow us to always 
> accompany escort if he/she is not at all interested in the events 
> we're to attend? I've been to many seminars/conferences in Indian 
> cities and have found that many educated blind people bring escorts 
> who're least interested for the seminar. And then they demand 
> reimbursement for their travel cost on account of their blindness.
> This is the reason the Indian Council of Social Science Research and 
> Council of Historical Research resist from funding blind people cause 
> they don't only seek funding for their travel cost but their escorts 
> also.
>  On 8/8/17, Asudani, Rajesh via Ai 
> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
> wrote:
>> If the poor blind venture out unescorted out of compulsion, it is not 
>> the way out.
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On 
>> Behalf Of Vidhya Y via Ai
>> Sent: Tuesday, August 08, 2017 10:37 AM
>> To: Share, empower &Enrich
>> Cc: Vidhya Y
>> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a 
>> regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>>
>> completely agree with Avinash.
>>
>> On 8/8/17, Mahendra Galani via Ai 
>> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
>> wrote:
>>> i agree with Avinash.
>>> At 03:24 PM 8/7/2017 +0530, you wrote:
>>>>Without offending anyone, I believe that poverty is a great enabler 
>>>>if one is totally blind. My friends who travel by bus/metro/train  
>>>>are more assertive/independent while negotiating challenges than 
>>>>those who travel by car/airplane. I'd be happy if someone could 
>>>>disapprove this hypotheses. English-speaking blind individuals may 
>>>>be good at delivering lectures/talking worldly affairs, but 
>>>>non-English blind individuals are good at living independently.poor 
>>>>blind individual is more likely to marry a blind girl; the rich 
>>>>blind individual however goes for a sighted one. Why, cause a poor 
>>>>blind is more confident that he/she will be able to take on challenges
as blind couple.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>  On 8/7/17, Asudani, Rajesh via Ai
>>>> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote:
>>>> > Had not thought to write, since it is a very tricky question and 
>>>> > there is a very fine line of distinction between being concerned 
>>>> > and being overprotective when it comes to children with 
>>>> > disabilities.
>>>> > Being one of the five siblings with blindness in my family, I 
>>>> > have experienced all the methods suggested here for gaining a 
>>>> > reasonable degree of independence.
>>>> >
>>>> > Let me clarify I am not a votary of hyper independence.
>>>> > As I had said about six years back in retina India controversy,
>>>> An escort is
>>>> > a necessity for a totally blind person, if it is available, 
>>>> > affordable and there are no privacy concerns.
>>>> > It however does not mean a blind person cannot and should not 
>>>> > travel alone at all.
>>>> >
>>>> > Now, the big question is who that escort should be.
>>>> > If friends, then they must be reliable friends.
>>>> > Not only that, It should be brought home to parents that the 
>>>> > friends are reliable.
>>>> > Besides, if hired escort is available, why not, since we can have 
>>>> > better control over a person we are paying.
>>>> >
>>>> > Escorting from a distance may also be tried, just to keep out of
>>>> harm's way,
>>>> > as I am fond of saying, it does not take even half an  accident 
>>>> > to......
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > Rajesh
>>>> >
>>>> > -----Original Message-----
>>>> > From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On 
>>>> > Behalf Of Shireen Irani via Ai
>>>> > Sent: Monday, August 07, 2017 1:57 PM
>>>> > To: Share, empower &Enrich
>>>> > Cc: Shireen Irani
>>>> > Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a 
>>>> > regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>>>> >
>>>> > hi rahul,
>>>> >
>>>> > since you are sort of trying to come to terms with adopting not 
>>>> > very comfortable means as a last resort, I'm gonna suggest 1 last 
>>>> > 1, and then you could choose the safer option from the 2.
>>>> >
>>>> > what if a few of us, perhaps your friends, and a couple of 
>>>> > seniors from the community, meet with your parent/s, and sit for 
>>>> > a couple of hours trying to reason things out with them? I know 
>>>> > it might sound a bit intrusive, but again, in my experience a 
>>>> > calm conversation with outsiders is sometimes more effective for 
>>>> > changing minds, because 1 gets used to not taking home members 
>>>> > too seriously with issues related to change. I think you 
>>>> > mentioned that the parent in question lives in a different city? 
>>>> > in which case we could either wait till they're all in the same 
>>>> > city at some point, or gather a team from the city where he 
>>>> > resides.
>>>> >
>>>> > do think about it, it may not be as bad as what you might 
>>>> > instantly imagine. and you may not have much to loos, even if 
>>>> > there's no success. but I'm reasonably confident that there may 
>>>> > be some hope for change.
>>>> >
>>>> > again, this is just 1 of many suggestions, without meaning to be 
>>>> > intrusive.
>>>> >
>>>> > best,
>>>> >
>>>> > Shireen.
>>>> >
>>>> >
>>>> > On 8/7/17, George Abraham via Ai 
>>>> > <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
>>>> > wrote:
>>>> >> One more small point. Unless one is financial independent can 
>>>> >> one take such a stand with the parents. This is true for even 
>>>> >> non disabled children.
>>>> >>
>>>> >> -----Original Message-----
>>>> >> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On 
>>>> >> Behalf Of Kanchan Pamnani via Ai
>>>> >> Sent: 05 August 2017 17:16
>>>> >> To: 'Share, empower &Enrich'
>>>> >> Cc: Kanchan Pamnani
>>>> >> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a 
>>>> >> regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>>>> >>
>>>> >> Rahul,
>>>> >> You cannot execute and then inform if you want to travel.
>>>> >> Plan well  without informing your parents. Only inform them when 
>>>> >> you are absolutely sure.
>>>> >> Your words should be that "I am going to x place with ABC on 
>>>> >> Date by flight or train". Don't ask them just matter of fact 
>>>> >> tell them. Don't ask for money. This trip you have to do with 
>>>> >> your saved finances.
>>>> >> It is best to give them full details when you tell them. Make a 
>>>> >> small itenary - Date of travel,how, from where to where.
>>>> >> Where are you staying and the phone no of the place with address.
>>>> >> This
>>>> >> may
>>>> >> sound silly in the days of mobile when they can reach you directly.
>>>> >> However
>>>> >> it helps them calm down because there will be many times you 
>>>> >> will not pick up your mobile.
>>>> >> I had a loving father but a very concerned one. So I dealt with 
>>>> >> him properly. I gave him the full information and had answers 
>>>> >> for everything he may have asked me. My dad was a lawyer and you 
>>>> >> know and I knew how many questions I had to answer. However I 
>>>> >> went for everything I wanted to-including holidays with friends. 
>>>> >> It helps if your folks know your friends. I always invited my 
>>>> >> friends home so there was a feeling of trust.
>>>> >> Also I must tell you that until my Dad was alive I got a call 
>>>> >> every night even when I went to Delhi for one night. He did not 
>>>> >> care what I was doing so I could have been in my hotel room or 
>>>> >> at a bar. He just wanted to hear my voice at 10pm before he fell 
>>>> >> asleep. I used to get irritated because I would think what if 
>>>> >> something happened to me at 11pm and he could not take care of 
>>>> >> me. Once I was in Connought Place with 2 friends  both sighted. 
>>>> >> Both my age.
>>>> >> Arun was married and in fact a grandfather. He too got a call 
>>>> >> from his father while we were having dinner. Ayesha is a Senior 
>>>> >> Journalist and lives in Delhi. She too got a call from her 
>>>> >> mother. So calm down parents will be parents.
>>>> >> Don't do something stupid because then they will hold it over 
>>>> >> your head forever.
>>>> >> A lot of people on this group drink extensively. Its not really 
>>>> >> a nice scene when you have a drunk blind person who needs help. 
>>>> >> Word does reach parents.
>>>> >>
>>>> >> The last thing I would suggest is try to be as independent as 
>>>> >> possible.
>>>> >> Handle your packing personally and don't ask for help when you 
>>>> >> are dealing with your personal things.
>>>> >> Assert yourself but do it maturely.
>>>> >> Kanchan
>>>> >> -----Original Message-----
>>>> >> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] On 
>>>> >> Behalf Of Rahul Bajaj via Ai
>>>> >> Sent: 05 August 2017 16:34
>>>> >> To: Share, empower &Enrich
>>>> >> Cc: Rahul Bajaj
>>>> >> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a 
>>>> >> regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>>>> >>
>>>> >> Thanks again.
>>>> >> Geetha, I agree with you that absolute independence is 
>>>> >> undesirable, but what we are talking here  about is reasonable 
>>>> >> independence. When offered the possibility of travelling with a 
>>>> >> friend, the parent says that friends are likely to abandon you 
>>>> >> in case any problem arises. Only family members or servants can 
>>>> >> be trusted.
>>>> >> When asked to seek advice and support from orgs like Enable 
>>>> >> India, the parent says that those support systems exist for 
>>>> >> those who cannot afford personal servants. They are of no use to 
>>>> >> someone who can afford personal helpers.
>>>> >>
>>>> >> The approach outlined by Shireen, though difficult, then remains 
>>>> >> the only solution. Shireen, if one wants to travel alone/with a 
>>>> >> friend, and one is living with one parent who will inform the 
>>>> >> unreasonable parent about everything, how can one adopt the 
>>>> >> strategy of executing and then informing?
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >> Best,
>>>> >> Rahul
>>>> >>
>>>> >> Sent from my iPhone
>>>> >>
>>>> >>> On Aug 5, 2017, at 12:53 PM, Shireen Irani via Ai
>>>> >> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote:
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> hi Rahul,
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> most of what i wish to say has been said already, but I'd like 
>>>> >>> to reiterate a couple of things that i think are imperative, 
>>>> >>> regardless of the temporary discomfort they may cause in the 
>>>> >>> relationship.
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> as an adult, whether disabled or not, 1 needs to put one's foot 
>>>> >>> down, and have the free will to decide one's own actions with 
>>>> >>> total responsibility for them. parents often find that 
>>>> >>> difficult to accept, partly for control, and partly because of 
>>>> >>> their fear of being  of no need to the child any more. so if 
>>>> >>> there's no room for a calm conversation, one can make one's 
>>>> >>> decisions and break it to them immediately before, or after you 
>>>> >>> start executing it. even the language you use needs to be 
>>>> >>> assertive and firm,  reassuring them that you do love and 
>>>> >>> respect them, but  these are a few things that you will not 
>>>> >>> allow them to control, because  they are now yours to take 
>>>> >>> charge of.
>>>> >>> this is also when you  ask them: what they think you will do, 
>>>> >>> once they're not around any more to protect you from the big bad
world.
>>>> >>> we
>>>> >>> know of countless stories of parents who threaten to harm 
>>>> >>> themselves in cases of their children marrying against the 
>>>> >>> parents wishes, but after a few months it all defuses and the 
>>>> >>> family is 1 again. so particularly with emotional blackmail, I 
>>>> >>> know it sounds unpleasant, but it is best to assert, that you 
>>>> >>> will not be deterred by any such threats.
>>>> >>> the way to balance things out could be to show them that you'd 
>>>> >>> love their intervention in certain areas, but not in a few others.
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> also, it really does help even if in tiny ways, for them to see 
>>>> >>> other blind people moving around more independently. so 
>>>> >>> wherever possible, do invite a friend over, introduce them to 
>>>> >>> your parents, and then perhaps spontaneously decide to venture 
>>>> >>> out on your own, the 2 of you, without opportunity for any 
>>>> >>> further discussion on the matter.
>>>> >>> finally, I think financial independence, and your ability to 
>>>> >>> manage your own finances without their help, and also 
>>>> >>> contributing towards the running of the house, usually goes a 
>>>> >>> long way as a sign of your independent adulthood. if you can 
>>>> >>> politely deny any1 else's help/ control in financial matters, 
>>>> >>> and then prove your efficiency with wise
>>>> >>> money management, then it becomes    relatively easier to assert
>>>> >>> your
>>>> >>> independence  in other areas.
>>>> >>> of course your own confidence and ability is paramount before 
>>>> >>> you take such steps.
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> what I'd emphasise the most in all this is, do not give in to 
>>>> >>> emotional blackmail!! just do not.
>>>> >>> prepare yourself for some temporary strain, and look forward to 
>>>> >>> a healthier and more meaningful future with your family.
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> best,
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>> Shireen.
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>>
>>>> >>>> On 8/5/17, Rahul Bajaj via Ai 
>>>> >>>> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in>
>>>> >> wrote:
>>>> >>>> Thanks, Alok. I agree that the anxiety and fear of the parent 
>>>> >>>> here is divorced from the actual capabilities of the disabled 
>>>> >>>> person.
>>>> >>>> Such blind resistance to accepting the proposition that  the 
>>>> >>>> blind person has to be given space to grow and make their own 
>>>> >>>> mistakes is what creates an impasse.
>>>> >>>> If a blind adult is told that they will always need an escort, 
>>>> >>>> but the only difference will be that the escort will be their 
>>>> >>>> wife instead of their mother in future, that reflects the 
>>>> >>>> parent's absolute failure to understand the other person's
perspective.
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> I think the suggestions that you have offered are very helpful.
>>>> >>>> However, they nonetheless presuppose that the parent is 
>>>> >>>> willing to engage in a calm conversation with a semi open 
>>>> >>>> mind. The fundamental problem here is that that also is not 
>>>> >>>> true most of the time.
>>>> >>>> The disabled person is told that the parent will start 
>>>> >>>> stepping back when the disabled person acquires the requisite 
>>>> >>>> independence. When asked to outline the criteria based on 
>>>> >>>> which the parent will be able to say that the child has 
>>>> >>>> reached that level, the parent becomes confrontational and 
>>>> >>>> states that the disabled person has not seen the darker side 
>>>> >>>> of the world yet.
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>> Best,
>>>> >>>> Rahul
>>>> >>>>
>>>> >>>>> On 05/08/2017, Alok Kaushik <alok.li...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> >>>>> Hi Rahul,
>>>> >>>>> What you have mentioned suggests that the  fundamental issue 
>>>> >>>>> is not about the capabilities of the visually impaired person 
>>>> >>>>> and parent's comfort level with it but a limitation that the 
>>>> >>>>> parent himself / herself  is facing in terms  of handling the 
>>>> >>>>> situation if something goes wrong. He / she has  a fixed  
>>>> >>>>> idea that he / she is responsible for  the  VI person, and  
>>>> >>>>> hence has  to take decisions.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> This is a  more  difficult scenario to deal  with because it 
>>>> >>>>> is not about VI person's but  their notions of  their own 
>>>> >>>>> limitations and responsibilities.
>>>> >>>>> In such a case while  demonstrating your capabilities is 
>>>> >>>>> important, it is equally important to relieve them of  the 
>>>> >>>>> burden of  that sense of responsibility and limitation. This 
>>>> >>>>> would  especially be relevant in case of single parents, and  
>>>> >>>>> also  in  scenarios  in which parents consider themselves to 
>>>> >>>>> be socially answerable if anything
>>>> >> goes wrong.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> It would be important to make  them  understand that their 
>>>> >>>>> support would not  be everlasting, and  their help  is needed 
>>>> >>>>> to make oneself independent, if they really want him / her to 
>>>> >>>>> live well.
>>>> >>>>> They can  better help adapt, practice, and achieve  a  high 
>>>> >>>>> level of comfort while they can still support . One saying  
>>>> >>>>> that I often use to  quote is "You give your  son a  fish, he 
>>>> >>>>> eats today. You teach him how to fish, he eats every day.".
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> I  have also seen some parents say that you can do whatever 
>>>> >>>>> you want after us but not  while we are still around. This 
>>>> >>>>> again reflects that the focus of their thinking is not really 
>>>> >>>>> the limitations of the visually impaired person but their own 
>>>> >>>>> limitations.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> One may have to  make  the parents realize they have a  
>>>> >>>>> support system to handle any situation. And  also,  it needs 
>>>> >>>>> to come out in one's communication that he / she is now 
>>>> >>>>> prepared to take on the responsibilities of his / her 
>>>> >>>>> actions.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> I  would like  to reiterate that patience is  still the  key. 
>>>> >>>>> If one really intends to  be  independent, it would 
>>>> >>>>> eventually happen.
>>>> >>>>> In  fact at some point being independent would  be a 
>>>> >>>>> requirement whether one wants to or not.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> Thanks.
>>>> >>>>> Alok
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> >>>>> From: Rahul Bajaj [mailto:rahul.bajaj10...@gmail.com]
>>>> >>>>> Sent: Friday, August 04, 2017 9:16 PM
>>>> >>>>> To: Share, empower &Enrich
>>>> >>>>> Cc: Alok Kaushik
>>>> >>>>> Subject: Re: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having 
>>>> >>>>> a regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> Thank you, everyone. Your responses are very insightful and
>>>> >> informative.
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> Alok, I agree with you that one has to strive to avoid either 
>>>> >>>>> of those extremes. However, all these suggestions operate on 
>>>> >>>>> the premise that the parent in question is reasonable and 
>>>> >>>>> willing to change their views based on changing 
>>>> >>>>> circumstances. I am afraid that is not always the case. Some 
>>>> >>>>> parents cannot be reasoned with and offer you a choice 
>>>> >>>>> between not doing something and doing it as per their own 
>>>> >>>>> unreasonable terms. What choice is one left with in such 
>>>> >>>>> cases?
>>>> >>>>> Further, while the incremental approach works best, that 
>>>> >>>>> cannot address a parent's unfounded fear that something 
>>>> >>>>> horrible will happen.
>>>> >>>>> Finally, if a parent is blackmailing a child into not doing 
>>>> >>>>> something or doing it in a very different way from what the 
>>>> >>>>> child wants without even articulating genuine safety concerns 
>>>> >>>>> that make them wary, what should one do?
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> Best,
>>>> >>>>> Rahul
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>> >>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> On Aug 4, 2017, at 2:36 PM, Alok Kaushik via Ai 
>>>> >>>>>> <ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in> wrote:
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> Hi Rahul,
>>>> >>>>>> You have  brought  up a very relevant subject. Although I 
>>>> >>>>>> always had a very understanding family, I  also had  to 
>>>> >>>>>> experience  a phase  in which the family members had to  be  
>>>> >>>>>> brought  to a certain comfort level. I never faced any 
>>>> >>>>>> restrictions but additional comfort level had to be 
>>>> >>>>>> developed, and I can easily observe the change in level of  
>>>> >>>>>> comfort and confidence they now have.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> Besides that I have also seen several cases around me, in 
>>>> >>>>>> which similar issues as  mentioned  by you were present. 
>>>> >>>>>> Here are my observations and thoughts.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> I do not think that  any organization or friend will  be 
>>>> >>>>>> able to make a decisive impact on the  thinking of  parents 
>>>> >>>>>> / family members just by telling them about some of the 
>>>> >>>>>> other people who have been able to do much more. It largely 
>>>> >>>>>> depends on how much drive the visually impaired person 
>>>> >>>>>> himself / herself has to become independent, and how 
>>>> >>>>>> effectively that is expressed.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> One  of  the main reasons of the parents is the safety concern.
>>>> >>>>>> One
>>>> >>>>>> still needs to take a decision to go ahead and do things but 
>>>> >>>>>> taking some measures could help understand the parents that 
>>>> >>>>>> he / she is not reckless about the safety. For example, one 
>>>> >>>>>> can share the taxi number while travelling outside at home, 
>>>> >>>>>> it communicates the same message, while being an actual 
>>>> >>>>>> safety measure. Letting the family members know when to 
>>>> >>>>>> expect you back home realistically would provide them extra 
>>>> >>>>>> comfort. These actions are simply related to information 
>>>> >>>>>> sharing and do  not necessarily restricts oneself.
>>>> >>>>>> This goes a long way in  developing a comfort level without 
>>>> >>>>>> creating any friction in the relationship.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> Besides moving outdoors,  if  there are other things that 
>>>> >>>>>> one is looking to do but is facing restrictive approach, 
>>>> >>>>>> comfort level can best be created by generating 
>>>> >>>>>> opportunities to demonstrate that one would  be happy doing 
>>>> >>>>>> such a task  and  can do it. Communicating that he / she 
>>>> >>>>>> would definitely ask for  help if  needed is  also very 
>>>> >>>>>> effective. There  is no better conviction then actually 
>>>> >>>>>> seeing a person doing something.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> A few  things that we need  to keep in mind is that we 
>>>> >>>>>> ourselves need to be patient while persisting with the  
>>>> >>>>>> effort to demonstrate and develop and  confidence  in 
>>>> >>>>>> others. It will  take  some time and  repeated observations 
>>>> >>>>>> by others before their  scepticism could change to 
>>>> >>>>>> conviction.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> It is possible that one may have to be more  assertive at 
>>>> >>>>>> times, but it would be good to balance it out rather quickly 
>>>> >>>>>> to avoid any negative effect on the relationship. Underlying 
>>>> >>>>>> feeling behind the assertiveness needs to be that of 
>>>> >>>>>> confidence and not disregard.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> Of course  there would  be two extremes, one in which a 
>>>> >>>>>> person chooses to enjoy the convenience that a protective 
>>>> >>>>>> environment offers,  which comes back  and bites hard  once 
>>>> >>>>>> that supportive environment collapses or dents, or in other  
>>>> >>>>>> in which a person becomes a rebel, gains the independence 
>>>> >>>>>> and the relationships languishes.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> My thoughts are to bring about a change while sustaining 
>>>> >>>>>> good relationships.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> Thanks.
>>>> >>>>>> Alok
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> >>>>>> From: Ai [mailto:ai-boun...@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in] 
>>>> >>>>>> On Behalf Of Rahul Bajaj via Ai
>>>> >>>>>> Sent: Friday, August 04, 2017 1:12 PM
>>>> >>>>>> To: ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>>>> >>>>>> Cc: Rahul Bajaj
>>>> >>>>>> Subject: [Ai] Question about dealing with parents having a 
>>>> >>>>>> regressive view about the capabilities of the disabled
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> Hi Everyone,
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> I hope this message finds you well.
>>>> >>>>>> At the outset, let me clarify that this question may or may 
>>>> >>>>>> not have anything to do with my own personal experiences, so 
>>>> >>>>>> I'd appreciate it if the aim of the conversation could be to 
>>>> >>>>>> understand this phenomenon in general terms as opposed to 
>>>> >>>>>> focusing too much on my
>>>> >> own situation.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> While a lot of us focus on the importance of sensitizing 
>>>> >>>>>> various stakeholders, such as employers, academic 
>>>> >>>>>> institutions and others about the capabilities of the 
>>>> >>>>>> disabled, few focus on the discrimination that the disabled 
>>>> >>>>>> face in their own homes due to the view that their own 
>>>> >>>>>> family has about their capabilities or potential.
>>>> >>>>>> More specifically, if one has a parent who is unwilling to 
>>>> >>>>>> learn from the experiences of other blind people and give 
>>>> >>>>>> their disabled child the freedom that we all deserve, to 
>>>> >>>>>> what extent should one follow what such a parent says?
>>>> >>>>>> Further, while safety is doubtless important, if the 
>>>> >>>>>> disabled person has the requisite maturity to ascertain if 
>>>> >>>>>> they will be safe in a given environment, should they act as 
>>>> >>>>>> per their own assessment or follow what their parent is 
>>>> >>>>>> saying, in the fear of alienating them?
>>>> >>>>>> I think there are many emotional forces at play in a family 
>>>> >>>>>> setting that may not be involved in other settings. For 
>>>> >>>>>> instance, one often hears of parents emotionally 
>>>> >>>>>> blackmailing their children into acting the way they want 
>>>> >>>>>> without recognizing that this may not be in the child's best 
>>>> >>>>>> interest.
>>>> >>>>>> Finally, what makes the situation worse is the fact that the 
>>>> >>>>>> external world [friends and wellwishers] is also often 
>>>> >>>>>> apprehensive to interfere in these matters on behalf of the 
>>>> >>>>>> disabled person on the ground that this is an internal 
>>>> >>>>>> family matter, so that makes it significantly harder for the 
>>>> >>>>>> disabled person to fully assert himself/herself.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> If any of you have dealt with the above, I'd be curious to 
>>>> >>>>>> know what you think about these issues.
>>>> >>>>>> I am mindful of the fact that not many people would be open 
>>>> >>>>>> to discussing this on a public forum, so please feel free to 
>>>> >>>>>> mail me off-list about this. Further, not many may see this 
>>>> >>>>>> as a problem, given how  accustomed they are to succumbing 
>>>> >>>>>> to their parents'
>>>> >>>>>> wishes, no matter how uninformed and inappropriate those 
>>>> >>>>>> wishes may
>>>> >> be.
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> Best,
>>>> >>>>>> Rahul
>>>> >>>>>> Disclaimer:
>>>> >>>>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the 
>>>> >>>>>> thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way 
>>>> >>>>>> relates itself to its veracity;
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission 
>>>> >>>>>> based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>>
>>>> >>>>>>
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>>>> llist.ht
>>>> >> m
>>>> >> l
>>>> >> _______________________________________________
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>>>> > Disclaimer:
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>>>> >
>>>> > ________________________________
>>>> >
>>>> > Caution: The Reserve Bank of India never sends mails, SMSs or 
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>>--
>>>>Avinash Shahi
>>>>Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
>>>>Disclaimer:
>>>>1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the 
>>>>thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates 
>>>>itself to its veracity;
>>>>
>>>>2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the 
>>>>mails sent through this mailing list..
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
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>>>> reach:
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>>>>list.html _______________________________________________
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>Ai mailing list
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>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> with warm regards
>>> Mahendra Galani
>>> Whatsapp/Viber/Skype/Imo/Facetime +43 699 174 555 95 Festnetz +43 1 
>>> 961 77 47 Addresse, Arneth gasse 45/2/2
>>> 1160 Vienna, Austria, Europe
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Disclaimer:
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>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the 
>>> mails sent through this mailing list..
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>>> reach:
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>>> list.html _______________________________________________
>>>
>>>
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>> Disclaimer:
>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking 
>> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its 
>> veracity;
>>
>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the 
>> mails sent through this mailing list..
>>
>>
>>
>> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>> reach:
>> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maill
>> ist.html _______________________________________________
>>
>>
>> Ai mailing list
>> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
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>>
>> ________________________________
>>
>> Caution: The Reserve Bank of India never sends mails, SMSs or makes 
>> calls asking for personal information such as your bank account 
>> details, passwords, etc. It never keeps or offers funds to anyone. 
>> Please do not respond in any manner to such offers, however official 
>> or attractive they may look.
>>
>>
>> Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential 
>> and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom 
>> they are addressed. If you are not the intended recipient, any 
>> dissemination, use, review, distribution, printing or copying of the 
>> information contained in this e-mail message and/or attachments to it 
>> are strictly prohibited. If you have received this email by error, 
>> please notify us by return e-mail or telephone and immediately and 
>> permanently delete the message and any attachments. The recipient 
>> should check this email and any attachments for the presence of 
>> viruses. The Reserve Bank of India accepts no liability for any 
>> damage caused by any virus transmitted by this email.
>> Disclaimer:
>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking 
>> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its 
>> veracity;
>>
>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the 
>> mails sent through this mailing list..
>>
>>
>>
>> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting,
>> reach:
>> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/maill
>> ist.html _______________________________________________
>>
>>
>> Ai mailing list
>> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
>> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>>
>
>
> --
> Avinash Shahi
> Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
> Disclaimer:
> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking 
> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its 
> veracity;
>
> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the 
> mails sent through this mailing list..
>
>
>
> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailli
> st.html _______________________________________________
>
>
> Ai mailing list
> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>
> ________________________________
>
> Caution: The Reserve Bank of India never sends mails, SMSs or makes 
> calls asking for personal information such as your bank account 
> details, passwords, etc. It never keeps or offers funds to anyone. 
> Please do not respond in any manner to such offers, however official 
> or attractive they may look.
>
>
> Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential 
> and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom 
> they are addressed. If you are not the intended recipient, any 
> dissemination, use, review, distribution, printing or copying of the 
> information contained in this e-mail message and/or attachments to it 
> are strictly prohibited. If you have received this email by error, 
> please notify us by return e-mail or telephone and immediately and 
> permanently delete the message and any attachments. The recipient 
> should check this email and any attachments for the presence of 
> viruses. The Reserve Bank of India accepts no liability for any damage
caused by any virus transmitted by this email.
> Disclaimer:
> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking 
> of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its 
> veracity;
>
> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the 
> mails sent through this mailing list..
>
>
>
> To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
> https://www.mail-archive.com/ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailli
> st.html _______________________________________________
>
>
> Ai mailing list
> Ai@accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in
> http://accessindia.inclusivehabitat.in/mailman/listinfo/ai
>


--
Avinash Shahi
Doctoral student at Centre for Law and Governance JNU
Disclaimer:
1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the
person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity;

2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails
sent through this mailing list..



To check if the post reached the list or to search for old posting, reach:
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2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent 
through this mailing list..



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