Date: Mon, 7 Dec 2009 20:40:14 -0800
From: Joan Golston <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: [alfa] Euro-spec headlights for 164
Also freezing in Seattle (what have we done wrong? it's threatening to
hit 16 tonight), and ignorant to boot -- I've no interest in halogens,
but what advantage do European projector lights have over what I
presume are the US ones in my 164S? And is that even a relevant
question for the 1991 model? I'm asking because late night or fog
visibilty are not my car's strong suit.
Thanks, and warm wishes for happy holidays to all!
Joan
Gordy, Joan,
As you may know, the largest known living organism on earth is reportedly a
subterranean fungus, Armillaria ostoyae, or the honey mushroom, right here
in Oregon.
Cutting and pasting from InfoPlease: "The fungus is 3.5 miles across and
takes up 1,665 football fields. The small mushrooms visible above ground are
only the tip of the iceberg."
"Experts estimate that the giant mushroom is at least 2,400 years old, but
could be 7,200 years old."
"Previously, the world's largest organism was another Armillaria ostoyae,
which covers a mere 1,500 acres near Mt. Adams in Washington state."
Anyone who has driven an Alfa, the most organic of sporting cars, in the
Pacific Northwest at night, has experienced the sensation of feeling that
the light is being sucked straight out of the bulbs, into something deep,
and wet, and black. Like a subterranean mushroom. You think there's
nothing coming out of the headlights and go round front to see what those
SolarFlare TurboPhotosynthesis bulbs are doing, and you have to strike a
match to see whether there's anything there at all. Then, the rain puts the
match out, and The Black sucks the filaments right out of your bulbs.
Not everyone admits it, but you know because you're dedicated alfisti and
you do go out after dark, during the 11 months a year when the rain never
stops except to be ice, black ice, and it's only light from 12:30 to 1:30
pm. We do not ask what happened to those who ventured out alone and
disappeared entirely.
The problem seems not to be physics, but biology. Maybe we can petition for
the Brilliant Minds in the PNW to create a mutant Armillaria ostoyae which
will, like the plankton in the ocean, emit light when properly stimulated.
What the stimulation would be, I leave to you, but the sound of an Alfa
engine howling through the night might be a good start. If the old sales
brochure, "Alfa Romeo, Let's drive and drive, until the sun comes up," means
anything to the Intel/Microsoft/Atomic Energy brain trust, we can doubtless
get a lot of supercomputer time to figure it out and they can design GPS's
to navigate where headlights just don't work.
Pavlov's mushroom, anyone? You could harvest the edges for pasta con fungi,
and what would Campbells give for glow-in-the-dark mushroom soup?
No really, I'm alright. Really. Just help me find my keys.
Joe C.
Oregon Director, SNO
Institute of Empirical Blunders Crash Test Dummy
Sono lento, ma sono brutto
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