North Dakota Found To Be Harboring Nuclear Missiles
BISMARCK, ND�The stage was set for another international showdown
Monday, when chief U.N. weapons inspector Hans Blix confirmed that the
remote, isolationist state of North Dakota is in possession of a large
stockpile of nuclear missiles.
"Satellite photos confirm that the North Dakotans have been quietly
harboring an extensive nuclear-weapons program," said Blix, presenting
his findings in a speech to the U.N. Security Council. "Alarmingly, this
barely developed hinterland possesses the world's most technologically
advanced weapons of mass destruction, capable of reaching targets all
over the world."
Blix called the revelation a "terrifying prospect for the world at large."
Within hours of the announcement, U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan
urged North Dakota to abandon its program.
"North Dakota, still in its cultural infancy, cannot be trusted to
responsibly handle weapons of mass destruction," French President
Jacques Chirac said. "We are talking about a place that doesn't even
have a Thai restaurant or movie theater that shows foreign films, but
still they have the resources to build thousands of warheads. Do not
believe their claims of being 'The Peace Garden State.'"
"The South Dakotans, while a simple people themselves, are friendly,
hospitable, and far more in touch with the outside world," Chirac said.
"Many people, myself included, have passed through and seen the Badlands
and Mount Rushmore. North Dakota, on the other hand, is a bleak,
racially homogeneous state that few people ever enter or exit."
According to Blix, North Dakota is home to 500 Minuteman III ICBMs and
50 Peacekeeper missiles, giving it one of the heaviest concentrations of
the weapons on earth. The biggest discovery made by U.N. inspectors,
Blix said, was a missile field at Minot Air Force Base, where they found
an "almost unbelievable" stockpile of warheads.
"North Dakotans live a horrible life of isolation and deprivation,
struggling to grow crops in a hostile, sub-zero climate while their
indifferent government routinely prioritizes bolstering the state's
military might," BBC World correspondent Caroline Eagan said. "There are
people starving there, and yet high-tech weapons laboratories and
military bases abound. It's deplorable."
Added Eagan: "And, no big surprise, the U.S. played a major role in
arming this place. I hear most of the missiles are American-made."
Many U.S. citizens have expressed fear, some realizing for the first
time that North Dakota has thousands of weapons capable of reaching any
major American city within minutes.
"It is absolutely frightening that there are all these weapons of mass
destruction practically in my backyard," said Karen Stiles of Moorhead,
MN. "Do we really know enough about these people who have their finger
on the button that could kill millions?"
Added Stiles: "How did our elected officials let this happen?"
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