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New York Times December 10, 2001 Reading Putin's Mind By WILLIAM SAFIRE MOCKBA -- Last week, I induced the 19 NATO countries to count themselves as 20. That makes Russia officially part of the NATO military organization set up to defend Europe from Russia. We will soon have access to all the West's defense plans, and a strong say (in reality, a veto, though they cannot yet admit it) in every action it plans to take. That also transforms the West's military alliance into a boiled-cabbage political bureaucracy that I can "consult" into impotence. No more attacks on Serbs over our objections — we'll consult nyet and disrupt the consensus. I read in The New York Times that my friend George and my friend Colin agreed to this Russian diplomatic triumph despite the protest of the warrior Rumsfeld. (Why doesn't George shut down that paper? I would in a minute. Revelation of internal struggle encourages opposition.) Now I will permit NATO to welcome the Baltic states. I will pretend this is against the desires of my generals (hmm — maybe that Rumsfeld protest was a trick) and by so approving, solidify my unwritten veto power. Of course, the other 19 nations don't need my approval, but the useful idiots of the West don't realize that. That came on top of what my generals call "Bush's Surrender at Crawford." The strategic deal I had agreed to with Bush beforehand in Shanghai was this: George would reduce his missiles all the way down to the number we could afford to equal, and in return, I would let him amend the ABM treaty so he could test a limited antimissile system. But at his ranch in Texas, smiling through all the strange food, I got the U.S. to cut its missile force down below 2,000 — but didn't give the Americans an inch on ABM. I blamed my generals, which was disinformation, but how could Colin complain publicly? Wasn't I letting the Americans fly over Russia to get to Uzbekistan in our joint war on terror? Ah, the war. The world now forgives me for wiping out our Chechens because all those Muslims are terrorists. And didn't I score yet another personal triumph by sending our people into Kabul just after it surrendered, ahead of the Americans and British? The Russian people, who saw our return on TV, now believe we finally won our war in Afghanistan, with a little U.S. help at the end. But George had better not carry this antiterror business too far by attacking Primakov's friend in Baghdad. Iraq owes us $8 billion for our arms shipments, and we'll never get that money if Saddam is out of power. Currently he's paying us for new weapons out of his oil smuggling, and if he uses our SAM's to bring down American gunships, that's not my fault. Oil. That has been the key to my economic success. After the Saudis, we are the world's largest producer of oil and gas, and have never been part of OPEC. George was so happy to see us pumping away, breaking the monopoly and bringing down prices. This fall's drop in oil prices was equivalent to a huge tax cut, helping stimulate the U.S. out of its recession. But last week, I made a deal with OPEC to cut our production by a symbolic 150,000 barrels a day, and we're ready to reduce our output much more to help our Arab friends push up world prices. As the capitalists taught us: Sorry, George, business is business. I felt I could do that without troubling the new personal trust between George and me. At the Crawford summit, he complained a little about my sale of nuclear materials to Iran, and he wished we would stop sending the best and hungriest Russian scientists to help the Iranians develop their bomb and multiple-stage rockets. I sympathize, but why stop? The ayatollahs pay in cash, and if Iran and Iraq — and Israel — want to fight wars, let them be equals. Nothing beats an antiterrorist pose. I crushed my media critics. I neutralized NATO. My obliteration of Grozny is forgotten. I'm bringing prosperity to Russia by arming America's enemies and fixing prices with the oil cartel. My friend George may be a little ahead of me in our nations' popularity polls, but I have this advantage: he's not president for life. ==^================================================================ This email was sent to: [email protected] EASY UNSUBSCRIBE click here: http://topica.com/u/?a84x2u.a9WB2D Or send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] T O P I C A -- Register now to manage your mail! http://www.topica.com/partner/tag02/register ==^================================================================
