ARMY, MARINES VYING FOR 84-YEAR-OLD GRANDMOTHER

(Liberally modified from AP news article, January 16, 2003)

It is rumored that both the army and marines are investigating whether they 
can hire an 84-year-old Arkansas grandmother to teach marksmanship.

The woman, who prefers to be known as, "Granny Oakley," was recently arrested 
for shooting her son-in-law in an apparent land dispute.  She shot and killed 
her son-in-law with one shot from an open sight .22 caliber rifle at a 
distance of 220 yards.

Army and marine sources, who do not wish to be identified, privately state, 
"We could use a grandmother like that!"

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