Dear Husband
I'm writing you this letter
to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for
seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been
hell.
Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you
came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked
your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two
minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me
you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or
you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find
me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a
great life!
Your Ex-wife
***********************
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more
than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven
years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports
so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I
did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say
anything if you can't say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite
meal, you must have gotten me confused with my BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven
years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the
price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was
$49.99.
After all of this, I still
loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had
hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets
to Jamaica.
But When I got home you
were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
