Things Adults Learn from Kids There is no such thing as child-proofing your house If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old Duplos will not Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence Super glue is forever McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know Ditto Tarzan No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water Pool filters do not like Jello VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do Garbage bags do not make good parachutes Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving You probably do not want to know what that odor is Always look in the oven before you turn it on Plastic toys do not like ovens The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy It will however make cats dizzy Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect) Parenting Glossary of Terms
AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him. GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings. PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own. PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. VERBAL: able to whine in words. WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house. _______________________________________________________________________________ UNSUBSCRIBE or access ARSlist Archives at www.arslist.org ARSlist:"Where the Answers Are"
