Four years ago, Binu Phookan, a post graduate in history, teacher at a city
school, wife and mother set up Sahayaata, a counselling centre at her residence
in Kahilipara. She had always been approached by colleagues and parents for
help in dealing with problems and soon, she found they expected emotional
support too. Toying with the idea of taking up counselling seriously, she
realized that she needed to arm herself with the necessary skills. After
attending sessions on counselling related to mental illness at NIMHANS
(National Institute on Mental Health and Neuro Sciences) Bangalore, she
followed up with counselling courses at Banjara Academy, Bangalore and Peace
Centre, Guwahati. Today, she is equipped to tackle issues related to mental
illness, marital problems, drug addiction etc. but it is the youth she is
concerned about most. Dressed in a cream sari, her hair tied in a severe bun,
the bespectacled lady exudes motherly warmth.
Our youth deserve a level playing field, opportunities to blossom and grow.
Our children come to us as gifts of God. They are like a packet of flower seeds
with no pictures on the cover, and with no guarantees. We have no idea how they
will look, how they will act. Our job, like the gardener, is to meet their
needs, give proper nourishment, love, attention and care, then just hope for
the best. I have told parents that their attitudes can build or destroy a
child. Childhood and youth are times to enjoy, to celebrate life and look
forward to a long and bright future. Most young people do achieve their goals,
fully or partially. Some stumble and fall by the wayside. Of them, some use
stepping stones to rebuild their lives while a few find their life has come
to a standstill. The feeling of hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness
can kill the basic human instinct of survival and hope. When it happens, one
finds oneself absolutely alone, as though watching the drama of
life from darkness. That is the time one needs a listening ear, a helping
hand, and someone who says I care.
I offer no advice, prescribe no medicines. I am the mirror in which parents
and children see each other and sort out some tangled issues and move towards
the path of healing. There have been so many interesting cases. A mother came
to me, tormented by her college-going daughters increasing demands for more
and more pocket money. Why did she need so much money? Where was she spending
it? I helped the mother realize that for her, who in her own college days had
to make do with a modest sum as pocket money, it was hard to figure out that
todays youth needed more money and there was peer pressure to eat at the
latest restaurants, go for movies, wear trendy clothes and her daughter was no
different. My sessions with the mother-daughter duo continued. And one day, the
mother came to me, her eyes welling over. Her daughter had gifted her three
beautiful saris on her birthday and finally, the daily altercations ceased.
Another middle aged couple visited me. They were visibly
disturbed. The stark facts came tumbling out. Their son had transformed from
an adorable little boy to their worst nightmare a defiant, angry teenager who
now carried cigarette packets and beer bottles in his schoolbag. Where have we
gone wrong? the father asked. Over a period of ten counselling sessions, I
talked to the parents first, and had one-to-one sessions with the boy. The
scowling, unhappy boy revealed the real picture of their home life. His parents
did not trust him. They were always suspicious he was upto no good, snooping on
him, going through his books, checking his emails, keeping tabs on his phone
calls, friends ... They had, with their own tactless actions, destroyed the
mutual trust and respect vital to all relationships. Teenagers need their
privacy as much as we adults do. And if we wish to know about their daily life,
we could ask a gentle, considerate question like How was your day?
What do you want out of life? What do you want from adults? The search for
answers continues. Stephen Styris (not his real name) is an English Honours
student in Bongaigaon College. Stephen is twenty and realises that life is far
more complex than the uni-dimensional, simplistic fancies of his childhood.
People have different faces to show at different times, this hypocrisy was
appalling to the idealistic Stephen. I want to be honest and control my mind.
My friends make fun of my honesty and even my family calls me a fool. But Im a
fish wholl swim alone against the flow. I know it will be difficult for me to
survive in a world where bribery and corruption thrive. My friends mock me and
say Im a follower of Gandhi. It may be so. Im not looking for money or
luxury. What do I want from adults? They are too obsessed with their so called
status in society, and all they think about is money and luxury. And they think
nothing of taking short-cuts to get what they want. So,
they force their expectations on their children, never mind if they want to
follow that path or not. Parents interfere even in the choice of a life
partner, leading to so many heartbreaks.
Loveleena Konwar, a postgraduate in Mass Com from Rabindra Bharti University,
is however, unsparing in her assessment of todays youth, though she is one of
them. They are not only very materialistic, aim for high living standards and
are always trying to surpass each other, quite unaware that in this race they
are losing some human values. I feel both the older generation and todays
youth should have integrity and co-operate with each other. The world is
changing, new ideas are being born and values too have undergone a change. The
experience of the older generation and the ideas of the young generation are
both vital for the future and strife among them is futile and self-defeating.
Samrat, a young Guwahatian who now studies at a Delhi college, has chalked out
lifes priorities I want a steady job, leisure, time for myself and a family
that is not too demanding. As for adults, we respect them when they have
integrity, both moral and intellectual, and are less judgemental. If they love
their children, they should set them free. It is said television and internet
have undermined the authoritanian and omniscient position of parents and
teachers. That is not a bad thing altogether. It is just that these adults have
a new set of challenges today. While parents still have a positive influence,
by being role models for their children, nurturing them in a stable home
environment, the teacher can teach us not to accept knowledge/information at
face value.
Youth express concludes today but in life it is chugging full steam ahead, its
restless, excited passengers watching wide-eyed at the changing landscape. The
unknown lies beyond, beckoning. Everything is fresh and new. It is bliss to be
alive, but to be young is truly heaven.
(The Assam Tribune,01.06.2008)
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