Do the Englishmen understand now that the "Inscrutability had risen out of vanity" and the what about the "authentically Indo-British", is he the new Indian breed ? Why people who wrote their names in history, were mostly modest ? And most who got their names written had the inscrutable pride.
On Thu, 24 Feb 2005 10:13:12 +0000, Ankur Barua <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > The > Inscrutable English > > > > Someday perhaps I shall re-write the colonial history of India with this > thesis : the reason why the English managed to subjugate the Indians for two > hundred years was not because the English were Imperial but because they > were Inscrutable. The Americans may have overtaken the English today with > their imperial high-handedness, but with their fetishization of Plain > English they cannot come even an inch close to the heights that the English > had one reached in their love of Plain Inscrutability. Observe these > snatches of conversation between an Englishman and a Native, with myself in > the thankless role of an interpeter. > > > (A) > Englishman : This is not proper at all. No, really, it is not. > Native : 'Sahib, what is not proper? Too much sugar in your tea? The dog bit > Memsahib again?' > > > Myself : 'The Native is here asking a very improper question. When an > Englishman says that this is not proper, he is in fact referring to > everything in the world. Nothing in the world is ever proper for him. At one > time, he had an unchallenged control over the seas, only to be overtaken by > hordes of barbarians from other nations, and now the natives themselves are > fomenting trouble in the hinterlands. Back at home, it is either the > middle-classes in Manchester, the lower-classes in Dublin, the Greek-classes > in Oxford, the no-classes in Parliament, or the class-less in Moscow. No, > nothing is ever proper to an Englishman. As for an Englishwoman, everything > in this world is proper for her, but that is just because her Englishman > says so.' > > > (B) > Native : Sahib, last year I read all the novels of Charles Dickens and Emily > Bronte. > Englishman : 'Oh, did you?' > Myself : 'The Englishman is not asking for more information with that > cryptic question. He is simply saying, 'Yes, dear Native, I bet you did. Go > on, go on, what more nonsense shall I have to hear from you now? When my > Cambridge don asked me to go to India and serve King and Country, little did > I know that I would meet an upstart with the refined sensitivity to read > Dickens and Bronte. What a nerve!' > > > (C) > > Native : Sahib, we want freedom from your oppressive regime. > > Englishman : 'Brilliant! You couldn't have put it better.' > > > Myself : 'Is the Englishman agreeing to the native's demand here? Far from > it, he is applying a rhetorical trope which he effectively used on his > demure wife when she had demanded that she should be given the right to > vote. He is saying, 'Very well, now you are finally talking like John Stuart > Mill. But Mill, my dear native, is passe. Haven't you read the London > Gazette? My, what is the world coming to!' > > > (D) > Native : Gandhi and Nehru are starting a mass movement against you. How are > we doing on that front? > Englishman : 'Oh, not too bad, not too bad. The wind is picking up a bit, > but London says that the storm will wear itself out very soon. What do you > say, Pickles?' (Pickles is his Doberman.) > > > Myself : 'This is every Englishman's last line of defence. An Englishman who > utters 'not too bad, not too bad' is usually a sinking one who is catching > on to any straw that comes floating his way. And considering the fact that > one out every two Englishmen (2001 census statistics) mutters this inanity > every morning, it is no wonder that Englishmen keep on complaining that they > have a sinking feeling.' > > > (E) > Native : Memsahib, if you so wish, I could take you on a tour of the Taj > Mahal in broad daylight. > Englishwoman : 'Oh, how preposterous! Don't you keep up with the literature? > I mean, haven't you a clue about E.M. Forster? No, thank you very much, I do > not need a passage to the Taj Mahal.' > > > Myself : 'Not being adept at Freudian psychoanalysis or the intricacies of > post-colonial theory, the Transparent Ironist desists from making any > comments on this one.' > > > (F) > Native (on August 15, 1947) : Sahib, err, I mean, Mr. Churchill, can we > shake hands now and forget the past? > Englishman : 'What? Shake hands with a man of straw! An Englishman will > never, ever stoop to such a depth!' > > > Myself : 'The Englishman here is revelling in his favourite tea-party game > for little children called How To Build a Straw Man (And Then Destroy Him). > He often applies this game to his understanding of international politics in > the valiant hope that people outside his island really are strawmen. This > policy has one great advantage : the next time he gets that sinking feeling, > he can hold on to one of his strawmen and plead with him to rescue him.' > > > (G) > Native (on August 16, 1947) : Oi, you there! Didn't we ask you to leave > sometime back, eh? So shake a leg and get on with it, will you, eh? > Myself : 'Yes, mate, getting along with the job, eh. Just packing off the > last few tins of curries and baltis. Cheers! Care to join me later for a > drink, eh?' > Transparent Ironist : 'Thus the ground was laid for the rise of one of the > greatest civilisations in human history, the Indo-British of which the > Transparent Ironist is himself an inhabitant. He considers himself neither a > Native nor an Englishman; he is that strange hybrid that lives on the > hyphenated middle between the two, and delights in each other's foibles. In > the end, these foibles are also his own, for he is incurably Indo-British. > In this manner, of course, he has exposed himself to fire from both sides : > some will complain that he is not 'authentically' Indian, others that he is > not an 'authentic' Briton. As for himself, he can only reply that he is > 'authentically' Indo-British.' > > Ankur > 25 February 2005 > > > > ________________________________ > With the MSN Toolbar you can search the web from any page, block pop-ups and > more! Download it for FREE today. > _______________________________________________ > Assam mailing list > [email protected] > http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/mailman/listinfo/assam > > Mailing list FAQ: > http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/assam/assam-faq.html > To unsubscribe or change options: > http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/mailman/options/assam > > > -- Prasenjit Chetia Atlanta, GA _______________________________________________ Assam mailing list [email protected] http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/mailman/listinfo/assam Mailing list FAQ: http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/assam/assam-faq.html To unsubscribe or change options: http://pikespeak.uccs.edu/mailman/options/assam
