assalamu alaikum, Mas-mas dan mbak-mbak yang ada masalah dengan orang tua tentang masalah nikah atau apapun. Ingat satu hal, orang tua itu pintu surga. Mau diambil atau tidak itu terserah kita.
Ibnu abbas ra. berkata yang intinya, Allah memerintahkan kita 3 hal yang berpasangan. Kalau salah satu pasangan tidak dilakukan, maka amalan tersebut tertolak: 1. patuhi Allah dan Rasul Nya 2. Tegakkan solat dan keluarkan zakat 3. berterima kasihlah pada Allah dan orang tua. Logikanya, kalau mau nikah saja anda merasa susah untuk meyakinkan orang lain yang sangat dekat dan sayang dengan anda (yaitu: orang tua), bagaimana anda bisa sukses dengan orang yang baru anda kenal (calon istri). Yang dibayangkan itu yang gak enaknya, yang enaknya nggak usah dibayangkan. salam, Hanif Book: Al Kaba-ir (The Major Sins) Author: Muhammad bin Utman Adh-Dhahabi (Imam Adh-Dhahabi) D.784H/1348A Translator: Mohammad Moinuddin Siddiqui, PhD The Eight Major Sin DISRESPECT TO PARENTS Allah ta'ala says: And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, never say: 'Uff!' to them, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower to them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young." (Al Israa: 17) "Be dutiful to your parents" means to take care of their needs with love and kindness "Never say: 'Uff!' means not to resent their senility and mistakes due to old age. It is an obligation upon you to serve them as they served you when you were a little child, as well as having brought you into life. The superior claim belongs to the one who does it (a good deed) first. Therefore, you should bear any trouble from them with forbearance until they leave this life. Allah also says: Be thankful to Me and to your parents. To Me is the final destination. (Luqman: 14) Just see how Allah has linked gratitude to parents with gratitude to Himself! Ibn 'Abbas radiyallahu 'anhu said, "Three verses (of the Quran) were revealed, joining three (pairs), and one (part) of any (of these) pairs is not acceptable without the other. Allah ta'ala says 1. "Obey Allah and Obey the Messenger (An Nur: 45, Muhammad: 33, At Taghabun: 12) è If someone obeys Allah but not the Prophet salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam, it will not be accepted from him 1. "Establish prayer and pay zakat" è If some one performs prayer but does not pay zkat, it will be not accepted from him 1. "Be thankful to Me and to your parents" è If someone is thankful to Allah but not to his parents, it will not be accepted from him That is why the prophet salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Allah's pleasure consists in the pleasure of parents and Allah's anger consists in the anger of parents" Ibn 'Umar radiyallahu 'anhu reported that a man asked permission of the prophet salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam to go to jihad (fighting in the cause of Allah). The prophet salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam asked, "are your parents alive". He replied, "yes". Then the prophet salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam told him to exert himself on their behalf [Bukhari and Muslim] Just see how serving parents is superior to fighting in the cause of Allah! Rasulullah salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam said, "Shall I not inform you about the greatest of major sins? Associating with Allah and undutifulness to parents." And he said, a person who is disrespectful to his parents, the one who keeps reminding (another) of the favours he has done, and the one who is addicted to wine will not enter the heaven. [Bukhari and Muslim] And he said, "If Allah knew something more minor (which ne could do to injure parents) than saying 'Uff!' He would have prohibited that. No matter what the person does who is disrespectful (to his parents), he will not enter the heaven; and no matter what the person does who is kind (to his parents), he will not enter the hell fire". And he said, "Allah has cursed the person who reviles his father: Allah has cursed the person who reviles his mother," And he said, "Allah may postpone the punishment of any sin until the day of resurrection, excepting disrespect to parents; its punishment is swift," meaning that it starts in this world, prior to the day of resurrection. Ka'ab al Ahbar rahimahullah said, "Allah hastens the destruction and punishment of a person who is disrectpul to his parents, and He lengthens the life of a person aho is good to his parents, increasing his good deeds and his wealth". Being good to parents means to spend on them when they are in need. A person came to the prophet salallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam and said, "O Rasulullah, my father wants to take all my property." He replied, "you and your property (all) belong to your father". Ka'ab al Ahbar rahimahullah was asked about the maning of "disrespect to parents" to which he replied, "if the father or mother assign him a task, he does not do it; if they order him to do something, he does not obey them; if they ask him for something, he does not give it to them; and if they entrust him with a thing, he cheats them in it". Ibnu 'Abbas radiyallahu 'anhu was asked, "who are the people on the Heights, and what are 'The Heights' (Al A'raf: 46-48)?". He replied, "as for the Heights, that is a mountain between heaven and the hell fire. It is called 'the Heights' because it overlooks the heaven and the hell fire, and on it there are trees abd fruits and rivers and springs. The people who will be on the Heights are the people who set out for jihad without the pleasure if their fathers abd mothers, and were killed in the battle. Their being killed in fighting for the cause of Allah prevents them from entering the hell fire, and their disobedience to their parents prevents them from entering the heaven. Therefore, they remain on the Heights until Allah decides their case" Abu Hurairah radiyallahu 'anhu reported that a man asked, "O Rasulullah, who is most deserving of friendly care from me?" He replied, "your mother". He asked who came next and he (the prophet) replied, "your mother". He asked who came next and repled, "your mother". He asked who came next and repled, "your father". [Bukhari and Muslim]. Thus, the prophet salallahu 'alaihi wa sallam gave three times as much weight to the mother as to the father when it comes to good treatment from a child. This is understandable, for the mother's love and tenderness for her child is the greatest, in addition to whatever she bears during the pregnancy and childbirth, breast-feeding and being awake at night. Abu Hurarirah radiyallahu 'anhu reported Rasulullah as salallaahu 'alahi wa sallam saying, "Four (kinds) of people deserve Allah's not letting them enter His heaven nor letting them taste His favours: one who is addicted to wine; one who accepts interest (usury); one who unjustly consumes the property of orphans; and one who is undutiful to his parents, excepting the one who repents". The prophet salallahu 'alahi wa sallam said, "The heaven is under the feet of your mother" A man came to Abu Darda' radiyallahu 'anhu and said, "O Abu Darda, I have married a woman, but my mother has ordered me to divorce her." Abu Darda replies, "I heard Rasulullah salallahu 'alaihi wasallam said, ' a parent is the best gate of the heaven, so as you wish, lose this gate or guard it Rasulullah salallahu 'alahi wa sallam said, "O people of Muhajirin and people of Ansar, if anyone favours his wife over his mother, Allah and His angels and all the people curse him! Allah does not accept his spending (in charity) and his uprightness unless he repents towards Allah the Glorious and the Majestic, and reconciles with her and attains her pleasure, because Allah's pleasure consists in her pleasure and Allah's anger consists in her anger". [Tabarani and Ahmad] On 21/02/07, Chandraleka <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > Wa'alaikum salam wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh ... > > Inilah sulitnya kalau orang tua dan anak tidak sinkron. > Saya kira yang perlu Anda lakukan adalah melakukan komunikasi dengan orang > tua secara aktif. Anda harus lebih sering menyempatkan waktu bersama dengan > orang tua sehingga ada pembicaraan tentang masalah nikah. Dari situ > diharapkan Anda bisa mengetahui apa yang dimaui oleh orang tua, hambatan apa > yang sebenarnya menjadi alasan orang tua melarang Anda menikah. Kemudian > Anda cari solusinya. > Bisa jadi niatan Anda untuk menikah itu dipandang belum serius oleh orang > tua. > Bisa jadi orang tua juga berpikir tentang mahalnya biaya pernikahan. > Bisa jadi orang tua memang tidak setuju dengan calon menantunya. > Bisa jadi ... > > Nah, kemungkinan kemungkinan seperti itu yang harus bisa Anda ketahui dari > diri orang tua. Ini hanya bisa dilakukan dengan komunikasi. > Dengan komunikasi yang aktif, orang tua juga jadi mengerti dan paham bahwa > anaknya itu memang sudah serius dan benar benar mau menikah. Bukan main > main. Insya Allah dengan itu lambat laun sikap orang tua tersebut akan luluh > juga. Mereka jadi benar benar sadar bahwa anaknya sudah waktunya menikah. > Tetapi ini perlu waktu. Tiap orang perlu waktu berpikir, memahami apa yang > dia tentang sampai akhirnya dia menerima. > > Kemudian, meski di dalam Islam seorang laki laki bisa menikah tanpa restu > orang tua, tetapi Anda jangan lakukan itu. Anda harus beritahukan orang tua > tentang niatan Anda menikah. Jangan sampai menanam konflik untuk masa datang > karena Anda berhasil menikah tetapi tidak memberi tahu orang tua. Bila Anda > memberi tahu orang tua, setidaknya ada dukungan moril buat Anda menikah. Dan > kalau ada kesulitan lain orang tua bisa dimintakan bantuannya. > > Perlu diingat juga bahwa menikah dan berbakti kepada orang tua, keduanya > bisa sejalan. Karena sama sama perbuatan baik yang diridhoi Allah. Hanya > saja jalan menuju pernikahan tidak selamanya mulus tanpa hambatan. Biasanya > ada hambatan, tetapi Anda upayakan solusinya. Usaha Anda untuk mencari > solusinya bisa terhitung ukuran kedewasaan Anda. Anggaplah sebagai latihan > awal sebelum Anda memasuki kehidupan rumah tangga yang pasti ada masalah. > Hanya saja kita berharap dari masalah masalah yang ada bisa kita selesaikan > dan dicarikan solusinya. Jangan kotori niatan baik untuk mengikuti Sunnah > Nabi dengan menyakiti hati orang tua. > > Wassalamu'alaikum > > Abu Isa Hasan Cilandak > Independent IT Writer > > > ----- Original Message ----- > > 5. ingin menikah tapi..... > > Posted by: "krisna ad" [EMAIL PROTECTED] <krisna_ay%40yahoo.co.id> > > Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:41 am (PST) > > Assalamu'alaikum > > Bagaimana apabila saya tidak diijinkan untuk menikah oleh orang tua > > dengan alasan orang tua masuk akal, misalkan dianggap masih kecil, belum > > bisa berpikiran dewasa dsb, namun menurut saya, saya sudah mampu secara > > ekonomi dan menikah adalah cara yang paling tepat untuk menghindari > zina, > > yang bisa saya lakukan. > > Setahu saya seorang laki-laki tidak membutuhkan persetujuan orang tuanya > > untuk menikah, apakah saya boleh bersikeras untuk menikah? sedangkan di > > sisi lain berbakti kepada orang tua itu penting, sedangkan saya takut > > menyakiti hati orang tua saya. > > Apa yang harus saya lakukan? > > > > Krisna Website anda: http://www.assunnah.or.id & http://www.almanhaj.or.id Website audio: http://assunnah.mine.nu Berhenti berlangganan: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Ketentuan posting : http://www.assunnah.or.id/ragam/aturanmilis.php Yahoo! 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