At Orko, I can't recall what the title of that book was. I know I got it from Bard, what was Web Braille then, so it's possible I could track it down again, but it would probably take awhile.
As far as driving goes, it has definitely been something I've yearned for extensively. While I'm not quite as skeptical of self driving cars as I used to be, and in fact, if they provided me with greater independence than I have now, and I could actually afford such a thing, which, let's face it, both prospects are long shots, I would be willing to see what they can do. However, it could never replace the actual experience of getting behind the wheel, and knowing that I am essentially controlling this powerful machine that can be the source of pleasure, pain, and everything in between.
When I was younger, I constantly dreamed of packing everything I owned into a car, or at least my most prized possessions, and driving off to parts unknown. I would imagine every detail, from the songs on the radio to the purr of the car's engine to the scents wafting in through my open windows as I zoomed along, untethered by any expectations, troubles or hindrances. When I was too exhausted to continue, I would simply stop where I was, and attempt to make the place I had found my home. Even if I had to literally live in my car for awhile while foraging for that burger flipping job that is so elusive to us blind folks until I got on my feet, I would be satisfied just knowing that this was my creation, my doing, my wants, my needs. I wanted this so badly at times that the pain I felt was physical.
Then, almost four years ago, I met someone who changed my perspective on many things, and one of the things he showed me is that you don't need to be alone to bask in freedom, or to hope for a better life. I still have that fantasy sometimes, particularly now that he's gone, but the allure of the car and all it represents doesn't have quite as strong of a pull on me as it once did.
I do wonder what my life would have been like had I been able to follow through on such a lifestyle, of course. Perhaps it would have ended terribly for me, I have no idea. It could have been the best thing that ever happened to me, or I could just be shrugging my shoulders and saying meh. In any case, even though sighted people have often tried to make me feel better by saying that it's good that I don't have to waste my money on gas, fight with assholes in traffic, or deal with the anxiety that comes with unexpected and costly repairs, I'll always be haunted by that what if?
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