You come on here all the time asking other people to make decisions for you, where to live, what programming languages to learn, etc. Now you're asking something that none of us can help you with, you're asking which path you should take to embrace your own spirituality. That is something we cannot do, and should not do. The reason for this is that you must do whatever resonates within you, and if nothing does, that's OK. There's nothing wrong with being atheist or agnostic. Maybe you will have some life changing event that will allow you to see things more clearly, and you will be able to make that choice. You know, one thing about always asking others to make decisions for you is that if you take the advice, you're living someone else's life. It's OK to ask for help, but really, anything that is said should be treated as points to consider. We cannot make your decisions for you, we can only help you weigh the points - good and bad- with each one. It is you who have to commit to a final decision.
Now, I know next to nothing of Islam, I know a bit about Christianity, and let me tell you it has problems. I don't believe in God, never have, though I do believe in a sort of unity that I've felt in my life. This isn't traditional, you won't find it in books, but my beliefs revolve around the nature of the universe, and its clockwork and striving for balance. Religion to me has so many problems, and it breeds ignorance and hatred and violence. You also, like you said, have an intermediary standing between you and God. That intermediary might be honorable, might be a servant of God in every sense, might be good and all that is holy, if so, you're fortunate to be under their guidance. Some of these people though are quite corrupt. They drive around in very nice cars, they have multi-million dollar houses and so forth. There was a minister who in fact refused shelter to Hurricane Harvey sufferers earlier this year at first, until social media started catching up with him and shaming him publicly. Then the evil git started passing the collection plate around in his big mega church. When I saw that I was like what? Here these people are, without homes, without a clear plan forward, needing the mercy of their fellows, and this son of a bitch wants to act like they should be donating? No, in this time, the reason that churches take donations in part is to help people in their time of need, and that's what should have happened. Sure, churches need some of that money for maintenance, for hiring accountants, staff, etc. But, there is extra for going out and doing work in the community.
Then, you have the holy rollers as I like to call them, not original of course, but the term is an apt one. It describes these people who go around judging their fellow Christians, and holding them to an impossibly high standard, and when their brethren do not live up to this standard, they shame them, they belittle them. So instead of being uplifting, they're denigrating, demeaning, and rude. My grandmother on my dad's side is a very devout Christian. She has talked about her childhood, and the time between then and the late 90's when she lived in sin, because she turned away from Christ. She's told her story to her church about how she then felt empty and was able to reconnect with God again, and in time, prove her worthiness. She now walks with Christ, she is dedicated to God, to understanding the bible, etc. Yet her and her husband get attacked on facebook by these people sometimes, and for ridiculous things. That is not how to be, you're supposed to be supporting, to be helpful, to be there for your fellows, not looking down on them. These people are sinning by doing this and are so rapped up in crap that they don't even realize that they're sinning.
So, Christianity has problems. Yes denominations as well, I don't know, Catholics are rather strict etc. My mom's side of the family are Luthurin, which I think is part of Martin Luthur from the mid 1500's, not Doctor Martin Luthur King from 20th Century. You have Pentecostal, baptist, protestant, on and on and on. I think the first thing and the most important thing though is if you want to become Christian that you develop that relationship with God first, though I cannot tell you how to do that.
Another thing is that you can't live by the bible every single word of it today. What I mean is that it says you can keep slaves for 7 years and beat them, and no punishment will befall you if you beat them and they don't die in 3 days. So, you could have the same slave, beat the shit out of them, but if they live, you're straight. You then have to give that slave up after 7 years, but what would they do after that time having been so treated. They wouldn't know how to live an independent life, and probably would choose to stay on. So this ever evolving thing where God is now a loving father, well he wasn't back then, he was essentially a war lord. So you have to separate out all that stuff, or well, you'll probably end up arrested if you start keeping slaves and all that. Now, here's a conundrum, if you have to take out some aspects of the bible to live in modern society, then how can you know what parts are OK and what parts you need to follow. But, if you ask someone at your church that type of question, oh now you've gone and done it. They will either gawk at you, or give some sort of vague answer, but you're not supposed to have questions, you're supposed to have blind faith. Well, that's just not something I'm capable of. There's a natural order of things, a logic to most situations, a reason for things.
SO as I've said, you have to find your own way in this, everybody that posts here will have their own opinions, their own views, will either have faith, or not, but even if you are convinced by someone else to follow a certain religion, you still made the choice to do that. Life is an endless stream of choices, some we make are good, some we make are bad, but we make them. We might ask parents, friends, partners for advice, but in the end, even if we choose to follow someone else, we made that choice. I don't believe in not having a choice, of course you have a choice, its just, do you want to accept the consequences if you make that choice. If you're a kid and you mom tells you to clean your room, you don't have to do it, now, not doing it means you'll probably get yelled at, spanked, grounded, etc. SO, you'll probably just muddle through to avoid that punishment, but you still had a choice. If someone grabs your partner as the two of you walk down the street and puts a gun to their head and tells you they'll kill them if you don't hand over your wallets, you don't have to, but you probably will to save their life, still, the choice was yours to make.
Growing up means that you peal away a layer of obscurity, one after another and you can then raise up to that new layer and see everything below it. It means that you can reflect back on choices you have made and realize which ones were mistakes. It's a process where you keep moving, keep trying to break through to that layer above you. It may never be finished, and for the most part, even at 21, you're still not done. So, if you really think about it, if you take time over it, if you talk with others and keep an open mind, and then go back and clear your mind and try to find a way forward, you might end up being able to figure out what to do next. But its not a decision any one of us should be making for you.
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