Re: Does Anyone have Trouble Saying Certain Words
I can relate to this, definitely I can.
I grew up with a really, really strong hatred toward my birth nickname, the one my parents gave me. In Thai culture, nicknames are important since first and last names tend to be long. I never felt comfortable with that given nickname. It took me my own sanity to force my parents to accept that I can't stand it. I'm now using a name I come up for myself, taking it strongly as my identity, something I whole heartedly give to myself.
My hatred toward that stupid ass nickname is much to the point of either I can kill someone just to have them shut up (i never do, just feel like doing), or get the hell away from whoever say it and have severe emotional outburst, sometimes self harming, even trying to strangle myself once because of it. The worst part is I have to type it in nearly every mud or text game I play all the time. I try my best to ignore the feeling whenever I have to type it, but I know it never goes away. I have nightmares and frequent recurring thoughts about it even if I don't want to.
My psychologist says that it's the symptom of ptsd, but doesn't really do anything besides telling me about some kind of safe lock technique where my thoughts are like something i can obscure and lock away in the safest part of my mind. To be honest, it works sometimes but only with my own thoughts. I don't know how well I can handle it if someone says that word right at my ear now. I don't wanna harm anyone, not even myself. I know it's stupid, but I can't stand it.
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