An apology
Hi guys,
So, I'm sure all of you saw this coming. Over the past week or more, this forum has been absolutely crazy. Everyone's just yelling at each other and all this crazy stuff is going on. I know I've contributed my fair share, hell just go look at general discussion, there are 3 closed topics just over me.
I have issues. It's very, glaringly, painstakingly obvious. And, fuck. I don't know how to solve a lot of them. I try. You may not see it, because it never really truly works. The same things just keep happening.
And it usually seems to be when I'm confronted in some way. I take it 500% personally and get butt hurt. Yep, that's basically it. I don't know. Is it my fault? It probably is. Do I know how to just ignore it and make it stop? No.
The truth is, I care. I care about people, I want to help people, and when people have a problem with me, I take it personally. That's how most of the things happen. I want to take the game down to try to take time and better myself, everyone bitches, I care so I leave it up, and it becomes a loop.
Really it's a big mess and I don't know what to do anymore. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry this has gone to shit.
I want to try to make it better. It may not look like it, but I want to be a better person and I don't want these things to happen. It's really shitty and I feel like since the very first incident with UP, I've not been the same person and I want to fix it. From the outside I know it probably doesn't look like it, but I do.
So ... I don't know really what else to say, but there it is. I'm at a crossroads between hating myself and not. Ug I just don't know anymore.
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