Re: girlfriend
Hi,
Agreed with Thetruegamer on this one... and I'll add my own somewhat personal thoughts here. I don't mind sharing them since I'm not going into deep stuff, just stuff I wish I could have foreseen when I first wound up in a relationship. Maybe other people can use this as sort of an encouragement guide LOL. That's sort of what it is for me.
I fully don't understand what love is, but I can sympathize with a lot of younger people going through those really early relationship stages, because I've been through them all the way and am still going through them. I don't pretend to know everything or have been through it all, in fact I am still unbelievably naive. But I'm a pretty observant person, and so here's what I've found as I looked at my and other relationships.
I can tell you now that the best way to get a girlfriend, like a lot of people said, is to not go madly looking for one, with the goal of finding one when
you leave. Just let it happen. Relationships, and friendships for that matter, only start because somebody is attracted to something about you that feels genuine. If you're just trying to find a partner and are going to resort to acting like their perfect companion, that won't work. You have to just be yourself. Believe me, I know that it can be hard to be yourself, and even harder to admit when you're not. I've never had a problem with changing my personality to get a girl or anything, but I've seen other people do it, whether it be with friends or potential partners.
My girlfriend and I have known each other for 2 years and 8 months. She was eager to start a relationship which we could experiment with. The "crush" phase lasted very long until we finally broke the ice and told each other about it. It was a first for us... I've had crushes before but they never lasted, and for her it was a breakthrough because she has never had a crush b
efore. Those first few weeks to months of lust, excitement, that crush phase, all that. That's a one-time thing in a relationship. Don't think that's there to stay. That is part of the reason most younger people can go through a dozen relationships in as many months. They are almost addicted to the intense feelings of that stage in a relationship. I've been there and I can see why. During that time, you have raging hormones and want to prove to them that you are worth their time, and you don't want them to see your crush on them because you're afraid they won't feel the same way, but sometimes deep down you wish they'd figure it out so you could put your mind at ease. You're afraid of what they're going to do and say, but you don't have the strength to just find out. On the other hand there's so much excitement that you just want more, and more, again you don't want them to feel like you're seeking them out, but i
f they let you in, you feel so validated! No matter how rational and down to earth your mind is, that's always a huge struggle and I personally don't want to undertake it again because it was such an intense feeling last time it almost drove me insane. Eventually that fades and you settle into a routine, and that is when you truly know if the two of you are compatible. In order for the relationship to work, you need to find some spices that bring back some of those feelings of excitement that you had when you first met, nothing drastic, just enough to keep it interesting and worth the time and energy. Being honest is also a big part of a relationship, if you try to hide something thinking it will just go away, or worse, if you get caught up in a lie, it's never good. My GF and I agreed that if we cheated on each other, which is probably among the top 5 things that you could do to break a relationship immediately, that we would come out and say it. I personally would g
ive her a second, maybe a third chance, if she was honest with me about it, but would not tolerate it if I ended up finding out on my own. Lastly, it's one thing to have differences, but if you can't sort them out, that's what breaks down the whole thing.
My GF and I live 4 hours apart, but at least are in the same state. Because we only see each other a few times a year, our relationship seems to be developing slower, but as I said we are both cautious so are trying to go slowly. As a result, we're both still into that physical intimacy stage. Which brings up another point... purely online relationships hardly ever work because intimacy doesn't come through the Internet. You can't hold someone's hand or caress them when they're a thousand miles away, and for many people, that intimacy is the glue which holds the foundation together until you get that romantic intimacy to be just as strong. Without physical contact, an early relationship
just feels stagnant very quickly. I speak from experience with my own long distance relationship (ldr).
Our relationship is not exactly what I would call romantic, but I think we both understand that neither of us are ready for that kind of commitment and right now we are still! trying to read each other and learn things. I admit I am a difficult book to read, and because of that, it's harder to feel that romantic feeling. I don't pretend to know what that feeling is, only that I will know I have it when I see it. It's getting to the point now where we want to see each other badly, and don't give each other enough space... it's actually a little more one-sided, as I am the one who needs to back off. Trust me, you'll know when you need more space and if you are the one who needs to back off. You might not know these things right away but at some point they will become obvious. I know it because the relationship just feels like it's not going an
ywhere and talking to the other person isn't exciting and sometimes downright obsessive. It can be difficult to back off, but I hope I will feel like it's worth it when we have a long conversation again.
I wouldn't recommend a long distance relationship if you're madly wild about girls. I know I wasn't, but a lot of people are. Long distance relationships are hard for anyone, especially once you start needing a plane to get to the other person. I've never been there but can imagine what that's like. If you have raging hormones and all you can think about is girls, then that long distance pain would be three times as bad as it otherwise would be... I don't have any evidence to support that but I can only imagine.
So in conclusion, asking girls on the forum is sort of a move of desperation if you ask me. It's not irrational, stupid, anything like that, since love is what keeps us humans and most other animals alive, so it's m
eant to take hold of you and grip you hard. But that's probably not a good way to find it. I've never really trusted dating sights either... there are too many scams, and even if you do find a genuine partner, who knows how well the relationship willl work? As someone said it's like picking from a barrel, which for me at least, is the complete opposite of what you want to do.
I know a lot of this might sound crazy to a lot of people who are just going through it. I know they sounded crazy to me. But trust me, a lot of these things you will find out at some point, and when you do, things will make more sense. It may take a while for you to see it, and it's very possible that it won't come all at once, but if you are observant, you will see it at some point. There's my two cents of experience... I don't speak hard facts, so if your findings disagree with mine, who am I to argue? I hope this helps at least one person. If it does, then sharing thi
s was worth it.
URL: http://forum.audiogames.net/viewtopic.php?pid=166548#p166548
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