Re: An Important Team Talk Issue
If you called him an idiot -because he was gay, then you're a homophobe. Otherwise, you're just a person who called a gay guy an idiot.
Right, so here's the thing.
While nothing beats hands-on experience, nothing requires me to hand out that experience to you.
It definitely is in my best interest not to absolutely go nuts if you commit a microaggression, particularly if it was an honest mistake and/or you didn't know better. My best bet then is to set you straight firmly but fairly. God knows it happens, to absolutely everyone, at least some of the time. Live and learn, and all that.
But that doesn't mean that it is my -role to do this. It doesn't mean it's my responsibility to do it, either. Some of this stuff is just common fucking sense. And for the stuff that isn't, honest questions go a lot further than just throwing stuff out there and seeing what pisses people off.
Example: if I had a guide dog and someone asked if they could pet my dog, I'm not going to explode on them. I'm likely going to say no, unless the dog is at rest and not really working hard, and even then I might say no. Now, if you get that "no" answer and push, I'm going to turn sharp in half a second flat, because you're challenging autonomy. I said no, and that's an end to it. However, I'm not mad at you for asking in the first place.
But let's say instead of a guide dog, I've got a cane. I do, in fact. So you grab me by the shoulders and say "Stop, do you need help?" Sorry, but this is wrong. This isn't just ignorance. This is common sense in 2020. You don't just freaking grab people.
And why am I saying this? Because it matters.
Yes, sometimes, I will feel like enlightening you, explaining things, or even dealing with your occasional idiocy (general you here, obviously). But sometimes I just...won't. I had a bad day. I've dealt with seventy-three other microaggressions today already, thank you very much. I spilled my coffee. I have a migraine. I'm having trouble navigating home. My partner broke up with me. Any of these reasons, and hundreds of others, can complicate the mix.
Put another way, folks, minorities aren't here simply to assuage the curiosity and guilt and enmity of those who are not minorities. We're people, too, and you know what? Sometimes we just don't feel like giving a simple, straight answer, especially if you can find that answer yourself.
Are there people out there who arguably take things too seriously? Sure there are. They're all over.
Is that happening here? Not...really. It's definitely not what I'm doing. I flagged the attempted satire as bad taste, but I didn't explode over it. I was sort of head-shaking disgusted with it, not outraged. There are far bigger things to worry about.
My advice: you should avoid telling people when and how and why they should be angry. If you are not of the same group that you're attempting to govern, this is generally known as tone policing, and it's a really excellent way to get yourself blackballed. People have been telling individuals in minorities not to be so angry or outraged for decades, centuries really. It's tiresome. Quit it. If you think someone's getting too angry - like, legitimately too angry, and they're causing actual harm - then fine, step in and try to soothe things down, maybe ask the person what's gotten them so upset, etc. But if you wade in with "don't be mad" or "you stupid SJWs blowing shit up" or whatever, we're just going to wave you away like all the rest. If you want to be heard, approach with at least a modicum of respect, at least until such time that the person you're approaching does something directly to you which removes that respect.
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