Re: Something long overdue
Speaking for myself, when someone wrongs someone in a community, and I witness the encounter, seeing an apology does a few things for me. First, it lets me know that the person making the apology regrets what they've done. Second, it lets me know that the person making the apology thinks it is important enough to the community to do so publicly. Finally, it sends a signal that this community isn't the kind of place where that type of behavior is OK when a person who perpetrated it genuinely says they're sorry. To those ends, I think that a public apology was appropriate here.
Now, if Jimmy returns to his old ways next month, I won't take this apology seriously, nor am I likely to take any future apologies from him quite as easily. But, for my part as a cisgender white male, I perceived Jimmy's behavior to exemplify many of the things I dislike about my demographic. To be clear, my issue wasn't that Jimmy disagreed with Haily. My issue was that he not only disagreed, but couldn't keep his damned mouth shut about that fact. It bugs me to no end when people can't just agree to disagree with how someone lives their life, particularly when that person isn't forcing someone else to live that way. That he seems to have not only recognized that but apologized for it has gone a long way toward changing my perception of him, and I'm glad he had the strength to make the apology publicly and strengthen the community in the process. If Jimmy is a dick to someone next week for reasons similar to those for which he apologized, I won't be as accepting of future apologies.
Anyhow, I hope that sheds some insight as to why a public apology is better than a private one. And I think it goes without saying that apologies need to be backed up with change. I just don't think it's necessary to rub someone's nose in it. And I see this sort of "actions speak louder than words" virtue-signaling every time someone apologizes here, and while I certainly think some apologies here are things someone just does because it's the next move in their little game, I don't know that trotting out the "actions speak louder than words" trope is always and automatically appropriate.
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