Re: Wondering what's wrong with me.
Well, I have the same feelings on the edge of my thoughts constantly.
Life for us blinks aint always that fair.
For me it basically has meant without actually doing so the exclusion from work after I left tech.
Not only is there no work available but those that were there to previde some assistance were basically junk.
I have accepted that for the most part.
In any case I am to old to try to bother with the old style office work even if I wanted to, thats fine to.
I have a good family and a good life.
I work for a few online companies I like and have done a few things.
I think the issue for most of us, is the achievements list set by society for the blind, and what is expected for normals.
Lets face it, a lot of those are either unobtainable or hard to obtain.
Things like getting a car and driving.
Things like getting a house and family and a good job and a wife.
Ok those can be obtained if you work towards that really hard but some things are harder to find than others.
Getting the right qualifications excluding all the visual elements and other stuff going on that sounds easy but isn't.
Have you traveled outside the country yet?
During lockdown I got depressed.
I have records of just about everything I had done so I pulled up a file or 2 and listened to what it was like before the world ended.
Thats helped so far.
If you can youtubes of travel channels like indigo travel or some blogs like globalromi may be something to read online.
I wouldn't say I'm depressed either but I know what you are thinking, its about.
Basically life is tough.
Now its tough for the entire race, after all, this may be 1 in a string of enemies we will have to face and and have faced in a long time.
We must fight to survive.
Now that doesn't mean you won't be drained the bombs are not falling yet, but lets face it, we have been at war with the covid for 6 months at least.
Not to mention having to carry on with the rest of our lives, switching them about, etc.
Depending where you are and what resources you have thats not that easy.
If you have a place in the bush close to your house to walk about for a bit then do so.
If you have a place you can sit for an hour, doing nothing, with all your phones and stuff off do so.
That has saved me.
During travels, I often don't take any electronics, I also have a basic old mobile phone with no network access and I don't use it for anything bar clock and wifi when I need it.
I have family that go with me and such.
I havn't needed to wear a mask because during lockdowns I have not needed to use a bus or go to the shop but I have a friend that has some issues and will sleep during lockdowns and also has family with immune system issue.
During the lockdowns I can't interact with him except via the phone.
I think that is the hardest for me.
To be honest I think its pritty normal to be a little depressed right now.
Its at least 6 months of slog and who knows how many more months we must fight to end this war.
Some say 2 more years some say we are close to a possible solution.
Even if that goes, we still have to rebuild the world after.
Thats going to take a decade or 2 to do and things will never be the same.
In theory we should be stronger and smarter but not everyone lives and those that do don't exactly win either.
And this is not the only issue, there is the climate and the fact that everything else continues to go on, its a lot to handle at once.
Covid has basically broken the world within 1-2 months.
Its basically the apocolipse without the zombies and the nukes.
Unlike other zombie movies, we still have power, most of our lives, shakey governments, but still governments.
We have power and water and communications.
And we have a lot of big computers doing most of the fighting for us.
Not all of us respect our enemy but still we continue.
Now granted if something like the entire world gets this thing and 50-98% of us die, then yeah, then start to worry.
I think the worst thing to do is read about it online.
I have a friend suffering from all sort of things mostly angsiety.
She is on strong drugs and is fine.
However if she has an issue she goes online.
Suddenly she is reading the worst things and takes herself to hospital.
The easiest way to handle this is knock yourself out for a bit.
Thats not easy to do, shutting down your brain and opening your inputs especially while at home.
Its hard for me and I know I should.
While traveling, I turn off my personal clock, and my brain.
I turn off my devices, I stop caring about life or who and or what I am and just travel as if I were a ghost or an alien exploring the unknown.
If I am hungry I eat, and if I am tired I sleep.
And if something comes along which I can't be bothered to listen to even if it may interest me, I sleep and let my recorder handle it.
When I am at home, I listen to it on my big stereo and enjoy it even more.
Sadly thats harder to do when at home.
Don't think into this to much.
You are not the only one that feels a bit uncertain right about now.
To be honest things are moving slightly faster than our cpus can handle right now so like the old dialup modems we are buffering and trying to catch up.
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