Re: I have a computer, I have time, and I am smart! Where is the money!!
"I was just like you, working a dead-end 9-to-5 job, until I found this one secret that allowed me to quit my job, make more money in two weeks than I was making in a year, and set my own schedule. Keep watching [this half-hour video], and I'll let you in on the secret. But first, listen to 15 minutes of me elaborating on my unhappy job, and how rich I am now. Oh, and here are a few of the people who have taken my advice; listen for another 15 minutes as I repeat everything I've just said, but with them in place of myself. Anyway, now that you've spent so much time waiting for the secret that I know you'll click on the link, click on the link, to watch a free video explaining all the secrets. That video spends most of its time repeating the past half hour of non-information, but when it's over, I'll finally give you 5min of info to let you know wtf you'll be buying afterward. Don't worry; if this scam—I mean program falls through, we'll change the gimmick and lower the price in a couple months, and this ad will appear again while you're trying to watch completely unrelated videos. So just click on the link, and take the first steps toward ditching your 9-to-5 and living the life you want."
Which is to say, these guys apparently get paid by the minute on these awful low-information infomercials, whether it's a get rich quick scheme, launching a Youtube channel, or some dating bullcrap. So clearly the secret is to find the guys paying by the minute for vapid infomercial speeches, and see if they're hiring.
After all, I was just like you, until I learned this one secret that solved all my problems... [goto #24].
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