Re: is it about time we need a new forum?
Thanks, Jayde. Your reply to Ironcross was precisely what I wanted to state but honestly felt I didn't have the words to create a compelling argument with. I juggle this thing every day, though in a different manner and for different reasons. The best way for me to explain it, which may or may not make sense if you're not a parent is that you can so easily fall into the trap of thinking you know more than the child because experience, because years, because accumulated knowledge, because come on! You're just a kid! I'm the parent!
And so then you try to put yourself in the kid's shoes. Wait, I was a kid too at one point, right? Well yeah, but that was long ago. Still, I have to have some memory of it, don't I? Well, I do remember my parents saying "You do this, and then you do that, because I said so!" Well, that hardly seems reasonable. You could by that argument tell me to jump off a bridge and then I'd have to do it because you said so? Hmm, flawed reasoning. When you argue like that as a parent you convince nobody that you're ever right, only that you're on a psychological power trip or worse, that you are just plain stupid and don't have the gutts to admit to it so you give stupid commands to keep the smarter people in line with whatever it is that you believe.
And then there's the simplification process; this one's a bit harder. I have to descend to my children's intelectual level. Notice I'm using the word descend; I don't want to condescend. Sometimes you obviously do have to tell the child that they'll understand more/better as they grow older, but that does not excuse the parent from trying to explain it in terms the child can at least start to digest and work on so that the comprehension process can even begin. A lot of that involves spending time with the child in question, getting to know their way of speaking so you can address their way of thinking.
I'm not saying there aren't times when you just have to put your foot down, because you do. Sometimes you need to stand firm and articulate however you must that, yes, I am the leader here... I am the voice of authority and as long as you're a part of this family what I say goes. One of the greatest works of art to this day is the Phantom of the Opera, a masterpiece of musical screams and howls that, were you to not listen to it and pay attention, you would never fully appreciate. It is not until you've seen the whole of the story unfold that you can come to understand those howls for what they are. In the same way, you come across situations like that in life where something happens that you know will cause the child to cry and kick and scream and rage and howl in frustration, perhaps even feeling betrayed because you took a stand. You took them to the doctor to be vaccinated. "But I don't want a shot! I don't want one! You can't make me! Nooooooo!"
And those are the moments I am glad I'm blind because I know either one of two things is true. My child is either looking daggers at me which would truly stab into my soul, or my child is looking at me with an understandable sadness that eloquently says the words, "I trusted you! I've loved you! How could you do this to me!" But when pandemic strikes 20 years later and the child does not die because that one jab with the needle was effective, then the child knows and can be thankful. Now they understand the screams; now they understand the howls.
and know... I don't generally like this. I tell my children the same thing I've said on I don't even remember how many posts out here. "If I could live the rest of my life without having to hand down one more single stupid stinking rule I'd gladly do it." Life's not like that though. this world owes nobody anything and plays fair with no man, woman or child. The best we can do is do our best to err on the side of truth and navigate as best we can, fully aware of the fact that the end result is not always the one we want, expect or imagine, but that in some cases it is necessary to see the big picture and walk away feeling more satisfied than we would if we were to conform to something way less.
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