Re: what if I do this?
I assume OP is going through a spiritual dark night or something of that sort. That shit sucks ass, though it appears as though mine began when I started paying really really fine attention to the experience in the present moment and thankfully it seems to have gone now. Reality is fine as it is, for now. I really don't need to destabilize myself that way, because I've got university to finish. I've put that Such stuff for retreat's, and nowadays I just stick to the concentration practices. However, dark night does teach you immensely strange lessons about the so-called "observer", "perceiver", "doer", etc and shows you how insanely illusory it is. As those kooky Buddhist say, (no offence to the Buddhists here, dudes, but I am enamored by your philosophy, having it verified for the most part in my own experience)- No self, no suffering!
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