I just wanna do drugs and get lost in space
I'm not OK, and it's been a long time, a very long time since that was true. Oh sure, there were hints of it in the background, they they were far off. The world, these times, it's just too much for me right now. I can't take it and I fee like I'm trying to carry the weight of all of it on me and I can't do it. This year sucked beyond measure, but I know other people had it worse, so how can I bitch about it. No summer camp trip, no hunting trip, no thanksgiving, and now no christmas dinner either.
It's crept over me, and I just feel fucking crushed under a gigantic weight. My hands are shaking typing this and I just want to do drugs and forget about this for a while. I've never felt this way before. Any drinking or recreational drug use has just been for the fun of it, but I need something now, a crutch, something to lean on to take me away from this place for a while because I can't do it.
I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it either. My family, we don't really do this type of thing, and even if I talked to my brother, I think it'd freak him out. He's not used to being the one giving advice and listening and shit like that. My dad, sure, he'd be open to it, but like, I don't know, we just don't talk about these things. Friends, they just don't take me seriously, which is fine, because I don't take myself too seriously most of the time, but I feel like any time I really need someone, no one is there.
I don't know what else to say, it's just too much for me right now and I have no escape, no way out. Games aren't enough, alcohol and weed aren't enough. I just need to be gone from here for a while.
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