Re: frustrated with blindness (read post if you want context)
Here is another thing which people might like to read here.
My house is getting painted, so naturally all the rooms have to be emptied out, including mine.
Can you imagine how does it feel when you watch your family struggling to move things, and set up temporary sleeping arrangement and such, while you just sit in the corner?
Here's another example. My dad was hospitalized because of an accident in April 2020, since he works for the government, and according to the government, you do have to work, whether there's lockdown or not, regardless of your age and service you have already provided.
so, when he went to a petrol pump, he failed to see the rope which was there to stop people from coming there since it was closed. (And I suppose that it was too much of an effort to put the sign of "We're closed.") because of the reflection of the sunlight, (And I do suspect that his eyesight is deteriorating slowly as well.)
So, he lost the control of his bike, and the bike fell on top of him, snapping his left hip-joint, requiring an emergency operation, otherwise he would have lost the leg since the bloodflow completely stopped.
If it weren't for my sister and her friend, imagine how hard it would have been for my mother to manage this. they took him to the hospital for the operation, in the time where the doctors were turning the patients away no matter how urgent, and when he was brought home, you know what I felt?
A lot of self loathing. I couldn't help him in any shape or form during this whole crisis, aside from sitting grimly in my hall's sofa, listening his groans of pain.
And here people talk about "Oh, you can do anything. Oh, it is part of you, accept it. Oh it is your identity, don't run from it."
Ever since my late teenage years, when I got off from my high horse, and started to notice things around me properly, I have very few occasions to feel like this. But each and every time, my confidence takes a battering, and I always retreat into my room, and try to drown out everything with youtube or something.
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