Re: We need to have a talk about your behavior in mainstream communities
I'm trying not to think about the days when I had sight and the things that I could be doing instead of on here. Because those thoughts may trigger a full on suicidal breakdown right now. But it's ok. I will briefly talk about it.
I was addicted to video games, as many young kids are. And I couldn't play them to their full potential, but I could still play them. I was only 6 and 7 at the time. So in the age of mario, sonic, smash brothers, before all the fighting games and pg 13.
It's no secret that I have no life. I've said it many times on here. But what makes me even more of a no life, is that I can't get over the fact that I can't play video games anymore. There are thousands of things I could be doing instead, and hundreds of interests I could be experimenting with to develop. But instead, my dumbass brain is stuck on this the most.
I've tried not to think about it, but I can't. There is nothing wrong with loving video games. But it is petty to hate yourself and this world because you can't play them anymore. Of course there is much more to it than that. Employment being shit, social life being shit, which for me is huge because I am an extrovert. But this petty behavior is a big reason. It's so stupid, but it is a real thing for me.
And ironically, this is probably why I hate myself the most, is because I have this petty attitude about this one thing. It is stopping me from developing new interests and getting out to try new things, and even have the chance to meet people. Of course you have to pair the petty attitude with me being hopeless, that anyone would give a shit to hang out with someone who is blind. I'm a boring person, so that is partially my fault.
Jesus Christ you can feel my self hatred in this post. But it's fine. I don't really care about showing my rapidly decreasing mental health. But this is getting off topic now.
-- Audiogames-reflector mailing list Audiogames-reflector@sabahattin-gucukoglu.com https://sabahattin-gucukoglu.com/cgi-bin/mailman/listinfo/audiogames-reflector
