sherington wrote: > spectator.co.uk > The secret to restoring old records > John Sturgis > 6-7 minutes > > Its a kind of alchemy, transforming worthless clutter into pleasing and > valuable collectors items, a slow but gratifying process all but > forgotten in the modern age. > > I first learned it from the woman who ran a second-hand record store in > my hometown, Tunbridge Wells, from the late seventies to the early > nineties, where I misspent much of my youth and most of my pocket > money. > > Fiona, a hangover from the hippie era, with her whispered husky voice > and the endless extraordinarily-thin hand-rolled cigarettes that perhaps > explained it, first imparted this lesson in around 1982. > > I speak of the lost art of fixing warped records. > > Anyone who has vinyl albums in any number will have them: those discs so > wonky that the outer edge sends the phono arm jumping so that if you > want to play them at all you have to put the stylus down closer to the > centre than the outer edge. And as well as being audibly ruined they are > also visually displeasing: ones eye is drawn to the imperfection as it > revolves unevenly, rising and falling drunkenly, and cant look away. > > For me the problem was particularly grave. When we were packing to move > to our current house five years ago I made a point of explaining to the > removal firms advanced guard as he started to box my record collection > that albums must always be stored vertically, never horizontally. But I > realise now that when he nodded in apparent affirmation he was just > being polite and had not understood a thing Id said. > > After hed packed them, those boxes of records were then stacked in an > airless and often very warm garage for storage for 12 months until new > shelves were ready. The result, when I finally got to unpack them, was > that hundreds were warped. In fairness he had inexplicably packed some > the right way up, some flat, in a proportion of about 50/50. So it could > have been better, it could have been worse, my glass was half full, hed > ruined half my record collection. Because ruined they were, most in > those flat-packed boxes had warped like frisbees, some so badly they > were more like fruit bowls. > > I was bereft. But then I remembered the early eighties, Talisman > Records, Fiona, her roll-up fags - and her vinyl solution. > > Her alchemic process is remarkably simple: acquire two sheets of glass > cut 12.5 inches square. Sandwich damaged disc between them - still in > its paper sleeve to minimise the risk of collateral scratching - and > bake at a low temperature. If this was a cook book Id say: for eight > to 12 hours or overnight. > > They come out of the oven still pleasingly warm to the touch and they > are pristine again, beautifully, beautifully flat. Its like baking > perfect cakes, every time. This even works on those pre-1950s 78s that > are an eighth of an inch thick and made of Bakelite. > > The process also produces a faint warm record aroma that evokes memories > of Talisman Records 40 years ago. If I was a prog rock fan I could do a > joke about Proustian Rush here - but I never warmed to the nerdy > Canadians: there are no Rush albums in my stack. > > Anyway its a joy. And its become a daily joy, as I bake my way back to > having a working record collection, doing two at a time, four every 24 > hours. > > Some among the small cognoscenti out there who know about this repair > technique insist you can speed up the process by significantly > increasing the temperature and reducing the cooking time. But knowing > how easy it is to ruin a steak or a fillet of fish by misjudging the > timing even slightly, Im loath to risk it. Particularly since my only > disaster so far: my wife, wishing to bake some actual cakes last weekend > removed my half-baked vinyl stack and somehow contrived to place it on a > burning hob. Within 30 seconds that pleasant warm record smell had > become an acrid smoke, and I needed new glass sheets and a new copy of > my now-melted Upsetters album Eastwood Rides Again. > > This was admittedly a setback but what is one casualty compared to > dozens of vinyl lives saved? > > So I press on. And every day there are little delights and oddities in > those boxes, memories and reminders: oh look, my Sergeant Pepper has all > the photo inserts, Id forgotten. Or Scott Walker Sings Jacques Brel - > what proto hipster tracked down this neglected gem? Well it turns out I > did. > > Whats surprised me as Ive rhapsodised about the pleasure this new > hobby has brought me is how few other people seem to have heard of it, > even among my nerdiest muso acquaintances. > > My friend Luke has just written a book with the rather clever conceit of > comparing the innovations of the Beatles, the Beach Boys and Dylan as > they unfolded in real timeline. Or theres Mark who has DJd one of > Londons most fondly regarded club nights for nearly 30 years and whose > record collection dwarfs mine. But did either know how to salvage a > buggered old copy of Surfs Up or a 12 of You Make Me Feel (Mighty > Real)? They did not. > > If I was a younger man Id do a you wont believe this incredible life > hack instructional video on TikTok rather than an article for The > Spectator but there you are, horses for courses. > > As a footnote, I should mention Fionas other trademark trick: if you > need to clean a record dont put water anywhere near it. Instead squirt > some of the fluid they sell in tobacco kiosks to fill those old Zippo > lighters onto a dust cloth and wipe with care. > > Fiona died some years ago. A great number of these records Im restoring > still have a trace of her on them: she would hand-write a price in biro > on the grey card inside of the album sleeve to stop chancers swapping > the price stickers while she wasnt looking. She remains in my thoughts > almost daily lately because of all this. > > I just wish shed told me what brand of glue to use to refix album > sleeves that have come apart. Thats my next project.
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