Authors,
While reviewing this document during AUTH48
(https://www.rfc-editor.org/authors/rfc9740.html and other formats), please
resolve the following questions, which are also in the XML file.
1) <!--[rfced] May the title be updated for readability as follows or otherwise?
Original:
Extended TCP Options and IPv6 Extension Headers IPFIX Information Elements
Perhaps:
New IPFIX Information Elements for TCP Options and IPv6 Extensions Headers
-->
2) <!--[rfced] FYI, this sentence has been rephrased to avoid the dangling
"IEs" at the end of the sentence. Please review. (One hyphen is actually
two hyphens within the document.)
Original:
This document specifies new IP Flow Information Export (IPFIX)
[RFC7011] Information Elements (IEs) to solve a set of issues
encountered with the specifications of ipv6ExtensionHeaders (to
export IPv6 extension headers) and tcpOptions (to export TCP options)
IEs [IANA-IPFIX].
Current:
This document specifies new IP Flow Information Export (IPFIX)
[RFC7011] Information Elements (IEs) to solve a set of issues
encountered with the specifications of two IEs -
ipv6ExtensionHeaders (to export IPv6 extension headers) and
tcpOptions (to export TCP options) [IANA-IPFIX].
-->
3) <!--[rfced] Please clarify the last sentence of this list item. It seems
similar to the first sentence; should it be removed? If it's not the
same (perhaps this was intended to distinguish between "specify" and
"discuss"), should it be a separate bullet point?
Original:
The specification of the ipv6ExtensionHeaders IPFIX IE (64) does not:
[...]
* Specify whether the exported values match the full enclosed values
or only up to a limit imposed by hardware or software (e.g.,
Section 1.1 of [RFC8883]). Note that some implementations may not
be able to export all observed extension headers in a Flow because
of a hardware or software limit (see, e.g.,
[I-D.ietf-6man-eh-limits]). The specification of the
ipv6ExtensionHeaders IE does not discuss whether it covers all
enclosed extension headers or only up to a limit.
Perhaps:
The specification of the ipv6ExtensionHeaders IPFIX IE (64) does not:
[...]
* Specify whether the exported values match the full enclosed values
or only up to a limit imposed by hardware or software (e.g.,
Section 1.1 of [RFC8883]). Note that some implementations may not
be able to export all observed extension headers in a Flow because
of a hardware or software limit (see, e.g., [EH-LIMITS]).
* Discuss whether it covers all enclosed extension headers or only
up to a limit.
-->
4) <!--[rfced] May this be rephrased for conciseness and readability?
In particular, "aggregate extension headers length" reads oddly.
Original:
* Specify how to report extension header chains or aggregate
extension headers length.
Perhaps:
* Specify how to report chains or aggregate lengths of
extension headers.
Or (because "extension header chain" is a defined term):
* Specify how to report extension header chains or
aggregate lengths of extension headers.
-->
5) <!--[rfced] Regarding this defined term, may we change "chain" to "chains"?
It reads oddly as singular.
Original:
Flow with varying extension header chain: Refers to a Flow where
distinct extension header chains are observed.
Suggested:
Flow with varying extension header chains: Refers to a Flow where
distinct extension header chains are observed.
Examples of usage are below. [This is not a comprehensive list.]
Original (Section 3.3):
Extension headers observed in a Flow with varying extension header
chain MUST NOT be grouped ...
Suggested:
Extension headers observed in a Flow with varying extension header
chains MUST NOT be grouped ...
Original (Section 3.6):
Each header chain length of a Flow with varying extension header
chain MUST be exported in a separate
ipv6ExtensionHeadersChainLength IE.
Suggested:
Each header chain length of a Flow with varying extension header
chains MUST be exported in a separate
ipv6ExtensionHeadersChainLength IE.
-->
6) <!--[rfced] Should "Desination Options header" be plural here?
We ask because the other headers are preceded by "a"
and because of plural usage in the bulleted list that follows.
Original:
For example, if an IPv6
packet of a Flow includes a Hop-by-Hop Options header, a
Destination Options header, a Fragment header, and Destination
Options header, the ipv6ExtensionHeaderTypeCountList IE will
report:
Perhaps:
For example, if an IPv6
packet of a Flow includes a Hop-by-Hop Options header, a
Destination Options header, a Fragment header, and Destination
Options headers, the ipv6ExtensionHeaderTypeCountList IE will
report:
-->
7) <!--[rfced] Is the word "flags" necessary here? The phrase "the shared
TCP options flags" reads oddly and does not appear elsewhere in this
document. We note "TCP options flags" has appeared in
zero RFCs, and this document uses "a shared TCP option (Kind=253 or 254)
in a Flow" in Sections 4.2 and 4.3.
Original:
In order to optimize the use
of the reduced-size encoding in the presence of
tcpSharedOptionExID16List or tcpSharedOptionExID32List IEs, the
Exporter MUST NOT set to 1 the shared TCP options (Kind=253 or
254) flags of the tcpOptionsFull IE that is reported for the same
Flow.
Option A (if removing "flags"):
In order to optimize the use
of the reduced-size encoding in the presence of
tcpSharedOptionExID16List or tcpSharedOptionExID32List IEs, the
Exporter MUST NOT set to 1 the shared TCP options (Kind=253 or
254) of the tcpOptionsFull IE that is reported for the same Flow.
Option B (perhaps rephrase to retain "flags"):
In order to optimize the use
of the reduced-size encoding in the presence of
tcpSharedOptionExID16List or tcpSharedOptionExID32List IEs, the
Exporter MUST NOT set to 1 the flags of the shared TCP options (Kind=253
or 254) of the tcpOptionsFull IE that is reported for the same Flow.
-->
8) <!--[rfced] Regarding the figure titles, may the ordinal numbers
be removed as follows? The reason for "First Example" on Figure 1
is unclear. Also, we suggest removing the article ("A" / "An") for
conciseness and to match the title of Figure 7.
Original:
Figure 1: A First Example of EH/Bit Mappings in the ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE
Figure 2: A First Example of ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE with Reduced-size
Encoding
Figure 3: A Second Example of ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE with Reduced-size
Encoding
Figure 4: An Example of ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE Reported for an Extension
Header Chain
Figure 5: An Example of TCP Options / Bit Mappings in a tcpOptionsFull IE
Figure 6: An Example of tcpOptionsFull IE with Reduced-size Encdoing
Perhaps:
Figure 1: Example of EH/Bit Mappings in the ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE
Figure 2: Example A of ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE with Reduced-Size Encoding
Figure 3: Example B of ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE with Reduced-Size Encoding
Figure 4: Example of ipv6ExtensionHeadersFull IE Reported for an Extension
Header Chain
Figure 5: Example of TCP Options / Bit Mappings in a tcpOptionsFull IE
Figure 6: Example of tcpOptionsFull IE with Reduced-Size Encoding
-->
9) <!--[rfced] Section 8.2: FYI, the name in the I-D and the IANA registry
did not match ("Type" missing in the I-D). We have updated
this document to match the IANA registry (and to match Section 3.1).
Please let us know if that is not what you intended.
Original: ipv6ExtensionHeader
Updated: ipv6ExtensionHeaderType
(to match 513 ipv6ExtensionHeaderType on
https://www.iana.org/assignments/ipfix and Section 3.1)
-->
10) <!--[rfced] For the Descriptions in Table 3, would you like to make the
capitalization more consistent or leave as is? Title case is used for
some items; initial-word capitalization is used for others. (If there
are any changes, then we will ask IANA to update the registry accordingly.)
For examples:
Routing header (5) vs. Mobility Header (7)
Destination Options for IPv6 (0) vs.
Fragmentation header - first fragment (4)
-->
11) <!-- [rfced] Please review the "Inclusive Language" portion of the online
Style Guide <https://www.rfc-editor.org/styleguide/part2/#inclusive_language>
and let us know if any changes are needed. Updates of this nature typically
result in more precise language, which is helpful for readers.
Note that our script did not flag any words in particular, but this should
still be reviewed as a best practice.
-->
Thank you.
RFC Editor/ar
On Feb 17, 2025, rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org wrote:
*****IMPORTANT*****
Updated 2025/02/17
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--------------------------------------
RFC9740 (draft-ietf-opsawg-ipfix-tcpo-v6eh-18)
Title : Extended TCP Options and IPv6 Extension Headers IPFIX
Information Elements
Author(s) : M. Boucadair, B. Claise
WG Chair(s) : Henk Birkholz, Joe Clarke
Area Director(s) : Warren Kumari, Mahesh Jethanandani
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