I really like what you wrote in this post, Heather.
Especially about radiant acquiescence. After a not so
chaste lifestyle, and finding through experience that
Baha'u'llahs laws have good foundation, help to
prevent shame and abuse of oneself, I once again was
put into a very very very taxing position. It was
either going down a road which would bring me and
others innumerable pain or to learn radiant
acquiescence, and learn it fast. I chose the latter,
but it did hurt, God did it hurt. Yet it is like with
everything: practice makes perfect. It hurt far less
now.
sometimes acquiring spiritual virtues remind me of
going to the gym after not having gone for donkey's
years. the first times you do exercises you do not
have the stamina and it all feels very hard and
difficult, until you get used to it and it becomes a
habit.
much love,
janine van rooij
dublin, ireland
janine
--- Bernie/Heather & family
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> Dear Sheila,
>
> Since you addressed your letter to me, I will
> respond to you by name as
> well, but of course my comments are intended for
> anyone who is
> interested in them.
>
> My response this time entails a little personal
> narrative; please bear
> with me. I was raised in a Baha'i family. My
> parents are long-time
> pioneers to Central America, where my father serves
> on the N.S.A. of
> Belize these many years, and my mother, now ill, has
> served as the
> mainstay for so many services for the Faith, both in
> Belize and here in
> Canada, that I could not enumerate them. Their
> model to our family, in
> all things to do with spiritual practice, has been
> incalculable. My
> husband and I try hard to do as well, but as all of
> us know, the times
> have changed and teaching spiritual values can be a
> tough sell.
>
> My parents have six adult children, of whom I am the
> eldest. All of us
> are Baha'is, and all married to Baha'is except my
> brother, who is
> currently single. Our respective children range in
> age from 2 to 25,
> and none is yet married. One of my nieces is
> single-parenting her
> child, now aged two. Of my parents' 21
> grandchildren, 18 are Baha'is,
> at least by conviction, and most are trying to be
> Baha'is in social
> practice as well. My extended Baha'i family
> includes many Baha'is: at
> least half of my cousins on my mother's side and
> some relatives on my
> father's side. So I have had an amazing amount, not
> only of community
> support, but of family understanding, from the
> beginning and throughout
> my life so far, in all aspects of spiritual process.
> I am deeply
> blessed and deeply appreciative. My husband and I
> are parents of three
> teenagers aged 19, 16, and 14. I gave them all the
> same advice about
> chastity. Here is the shortened version: I would
> prefer you to follow
> Baha'i law as I believe it is the best protection,
> spiritually,
> physically, and emotionally. If you are unable or
> unwilling to do this,
> I would beg you to have sex ONLY if protected and
> ONLY with someone you
> know well and love.
>
> I make these comments in the full awareness that
> chastity is more than
> just about sexuality, but it tends to get translated
> that way in a bit
> of a reductivistic manner.
>
> Of the six children in our family, most were virgins
> at their
> marriage. For those who chose to be obedient to
> Baha'i laws regarding
> chastity (and it was a choice), they struggled as
> much as anyone would.
> They felt, and continue to feel, a certain joy in
> their victories of
> obedience in this area. We know that chastity is
> only one aspect of the
> dimensions of Baha'i life, and because of our
> society's attitudes,
> perhaps overemphasized. I recall Joy Leary speaking
> at Maxwell, when I
> was teaching there, and asking the youth, "How many
> of you have trouble
> with backbiting?" Every hand was raised. Then she
> asked, "How many of
> you have trouble with chastity?" A few hesitant,
> honest hands came up.
> Then she asked the youth why they were more willing
> to admit to
> challenges with "backbiting" than "chastity," given
> that the former is
> excoriated in the Writings. Interesting and
> memorable.
>
> One of my sisters was married at 17, which probably
> helps in the
> achievement of chastity. Perhaps unusually for
> young marriages, she and
> her husband have been happily married for more than
> a quarter of a
> century. I recently interviewed a number of
> couples for my book about
> long-term marriages and found that young people
> guided by Baha'i
> teaching can be surprisingly successful in attaining
> long-term and happy
> unions. However, we know that this is not a
> principle generalizable to
> increased rates of success in marriage; Baha'is are
> also challenged in
> this regard as much as society at large, apparently.
>
> I believe that no family is immune to the sexual
> pressures and mores, or
> their lack, of our secularized societies, or other
> multivariate
> societal challenges. I do not believe that the
> teachings are
> unachievable. I know many, many single young
> people, and older ones,
> who practice chastity. I do not believe that
> Baha'u'llah, whom I see as
> Merciful and am grateful for His mercy, would give
> us any unattainable
> goals. Our mistakes are ours, and our victories are
> His. At least, that
> has been my own personal experience.
>
> I think chastity is actually a fairly small thing in
> the scheme of
> things. I say this with a wee smile, but when I look
> at the impact of
> the teachings on our extended family, chastity is
> not so important.
> Well, sure it is, yes. But it isn't, in a way.
> What has been more
> important, to all of us I think, and to the many
> Baha'i communities
> where we have resided, is the idea that the Faith is
> a transformative
> spiritual process. So when one of us slips, at
> least in the "visible
> sins," I think it is important for the Baha'is to
> leave the work of
> Assemblies to the Assembly, and to simply support
> our families and
> friends with all the love of our hearts. It is not
> for us to be critical
> of one another. The world will do that for us. I
> have strong opinions
> about the Baha'i community and individuals taking on
> the role of judge.
>
> I encourage all of us to be strong, to do our best,
> to feel
> Baha'u'llah's active and loving presence in our
> lives. I do not say this
> out of some naive utopianism. People mess up all
> the time. I do feel
> that our responses to ourselves, when we make
> mistakes, need to be "What
> can I learn from this" and "How can I improve" and
> "What prayerful
> support can I enlist" as a series of questions. I
> believe in the power
> of prayer, as do all of us here. I believe in
> asking for help, and that
> when we do, it will be given. The moral road is a
> winding one, but
> choosing the Faith in the first place indicates a
> desire for our lives
> to be under His beneficent watch.
>
> I am sorry if I appear to be speaking in clich�s. I
> just wanted to
> share that I believe that Baha'i practice is
> possible just as I believe
> that peace is inevitable. Whether we choose to
> transform ourselves the
> hard way, kicking and screaming, or to learn a
> "radiant acquiescence"
> which is oppositional to the individualistic society
> in which we live,
> is as much our choice as is humanity's in achieving
> peace. The Peace
> Message says we can get to peace the easy way, or
> the hard way. The
> laws can be achieved that way, too, in my opinion.
> We can just do it
> right, and save ourselves a lot of the pain that
> comes from
> disobedience. Or not. I have learned this the hard
> way, and now, at
> almost 50, for the time being at least, am just
> trying to do a little
> better each day.
>
> Good choices to all of us.
>
>
=== message truncated ===
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
The all-new My Yahoo! - What will yours do?
http://my.yahoo.com
__________________________________________________
You are subscribed to Baha'i Studies as: mailto:[email protected]
To unsubscribe, send a blank email to mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]
To subscribe, use subscribe bahai-st in the message body to [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Baha'i Studies is available through the following:
Mail - mailto:[email protected]
Web - http://list.jccc.edu/read/?forum=bahai-st
News - news://list.jccc.edu/bahai-st
Public - http://www.escribe.com/religion/bahaist
Old Public - http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]
New Public - http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]
