Dear Don,
I think we are in agreement about the principle that both genders are equally responsible. I have to agree that blatant sexuality on the part of either gender is inappropriate.
There's a sort of feed back loop going on. I expect that both men and women are part of this loop. Men crave female attention, women crave male attention. I'm pretty sure God intended this craving on both parts (works better that way:}) Women who buy into the notion that men won't pay them attention unless they are provocative, and men who buy into the notion that women are strictly sexual objects, are equally off the mark.
I am of the opinion that the way to break this cycle is two fold. Women need to stand up and value themselves enough to refuse to play this game, and men need to make a conscious choice to avoid giving provocative women the attention they are seeking. I understand that this is difficult for both genders. The idea that's out there 'The first trick with a man and a mule is to get their attention' can lead to an increasingly provocative game of 'look at me!' If men actively seek to pay attention to women that respect themselves and don't play that game, it will encourage the more desirable behavior.
Strangely enough I am not limiting this to sexual attention. I'm talking about general attention. Look them in the eye. Smile at them. Be pleasant and friendly with them. Make an effort to acknowledge them as human beings.
"Sexuality in the west in recent centuries has come to be defined in
terms of a male stereotype. Actions which failed to conform to
this pre-conceived notion of sexuality are often still considered by
definition to be non-sexual. Female sexuality is defined out of
existence. "
terms of a male stereotype. Actions which failed to conform to
this pre-conceived notion of sexuality are often still considered by
definition to be non-sexual. Female sexuality is defined out of
existence. "
What is this male stereotype?
"Over the last 150 years or so, women, at least in the west, have begun
to consciously reject the idea that they are non-sexual. Not having a
useful tradition/intellectual schema on which to develop their ideas,
they have generally accepted the old male version as the norm for all
human sexual _expression_, modifying it only when absolutely necessary. "
How are you defining the male norm for human sexual _expression_? What are the alternatives to this norm?
"While there are cultural differences in sexual _expression_, the basic
principles are hard-wired. The most basic of these principle are the
same in both men and women, but there are also some definite
differences in their _expression_ by gender that cross cultural lines. "
principles are hard-wired. The most basic of these principle are the
same in both men and women, but there are also some definite
differences in their _expression_ by gender that cross cultural lines. "
What are these basic 'hard-wired" principles?
"Human beings tend to generalize not from the whole, but from incidents
that make an impact on their consciousness for one reason or another.
Therefore a relatively small number of similar notable incidents can
have an inordinate effect on one's behavior. "
that make an impact on their consciousness for one reason or another.
Therefore a relatively small number of similar notable incidents can
have an inordinate effect on one's behavior. "
I have to agree with you entirely. It has been the conduct of a very few aggressive Baha'i men that has shaped my opinion of the whole. I understand intellectually that this is unfair, it doesn't change the way I feel. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I continue to struggle with my view of men in general, and my own boundaries in specific.
"Just as men must take responsibility not only for their behavior but
for the behavior of other men, so must women take responsibility not
only for their behavior but for the behavior of other women.
for the behavior of other men, so must women take responsibility not
only for their behavior but for the behavior of other women.
For my part, I make an effort to educate the young Baha'i women I see buying into the same old "Bull" and try to encourage them to present themselves in a more self-respecting way. Unfortunately the young men involved keep their eyes riveted on the most provocative young woman in the room. This doesn't help.
Sheila
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