"Very well, sir. Let me see...I have my briefing papers here somewhere on
my desk...ah yes! Military matters first, perhaps? Excellent. After the
recent debacle in Alsace where the Picardy Musketeers were fighting last
month, the action reports of the Colonel of the regiment and the Lt. Colonel
appear to differ in several critical aspects. We are looking into
the...'anomaly', but Lt. Colonel Columbe has apparently had some strong
words with Colonel de Coste and rather forcefully suggested that he is no
longer suited to command of the regiment. We will, of course, be kept
informed of developments. In a similar fashion, Major Zilvain of the
Cardinal's Guard has written to Major de Louvois of the Foot Guards telling
him that, as there is no Guards Brigadier at the moment, holding the
position of aide to that Brigadier General is foolish."
"The Inspector General has been appraised of the situation regarding the
dearth of active Brigadiers and has requested that all interested parties
contact him this month. So far, there has been remarkably little public
reaction to this, but then who wants to work for someone with a six-foot
pigsticker strapped to his back? He'll be wearing a skirt and playing
bagpipes next...ahem, sorry. As I was saying...where was I? Hrmph, there
is _entirely_ too much mail from the Cardinal's Guard here - Zilvain is
resigning as an instructor at Le Souris, de Zaster wants to be considered
for a post at Le Tigre, which means that he has also begged Marshal St. John
Swud to resign his position there due to overwork, d'Alembert is taking his
battalion to the front, if his leg doesn't drop off first..."
"Oh yes, and a few items of no-doubt-scurrilous rumour: one has it that
Captain Saint Laurent of the 27th Musketeers has asked Major Jolais to have
a talk with the Lt. Colonel of the regiment, Haricot-Vert. Apparently,
someone has actually noticed that he can't remember his aide's name, let
alone those of the officers under his command, and St. Laurent thinks he
should be retired. In the same vein, Captain de Auef of the Princess Louisa
Lights has (rather rudely and abruptly) requested the resignation of _both_
of the Majors above him, de Wedall and Montreville! According to my
sources, certain officers are planning on giving him a painful lesson in
gentlemanly language and conduct. Something to do with tar and feathers, I
believe...AND Lt. Colonel O'Reilly of the 4th Arquebusiers has informed his
commanding officer that he believes it would be in the best interests of the
regiment if the Colonel were to step down. Talk about unrest in the ranks!
At this rate, our army will be advertising for officers' vacancies! The
Marines are at it as well; that new fellow, Zer, has been saying how Captain
Huh? should step down as he keeps calling his wife by his horse's name and
vice versa."
"Two applicants for adjutant jobs this month: Major Marseile, the Grand Duke
Maximilian Dragoons' adjutant, wishes to be considered for the post of
Dragoon Brigade Major, and Major Fely'la of the 69th, likewise currently the
regimental adjutant, has applied for the position of 4th Brigade Major.
Major le Blanc is also resigning his post as adjutant of the Queen's Own,
and is talking about recommending a successor if anyone interested would
contact him. And there is also one application, from Major de la Vega, to
Lt. General d'Eau about becoming his aide-de-camp. That just about sums up
the military side of things, sir. Oh, apart from matters of postings. Due
to the poor strategic situation in the United Provinces, Le Roi has made it
clear that he would like some more troops up there to provide him with a
victory or two. Our allies the Dutch are desperately trying to keep
themselves independent of Spanish rule, but our field army seems to be
bogged down in mud due to the incessant rain. As a consequence, there have
been numerous volunteers stepping forward to suggest that they may be able
to help the situation, including almost the entirety of France's cavalry
commands: the Heavy Brigade is going with all the Crown Prince and Archduke
Leopold Cuirassiers; the Grand Duke Maximilian Dragoons; the Dragoon Guards
and Queen's Own Carabiniers are off as well, along with the 3rd Battalion of
the Cardinal's Guard, the 13th Fusiliers, and possibly some other units
which have escaped my notice in the general clamour."
"Now, on to civil matters. The Minister of State has declared that he is
receiving applications for the posts of Chancellor of the Exchequer and
Minister without Portfolio. Chevalier le Blanc and Chevalier de Custaad
both applied to the Minister and then withdrew their applications when it
was pointed out to them that they have not yet gained sufficient rank for
such an exalted government position (rumour has it that they didn't donate
enough to the Minister's retirement fund, but that would be bribery and
corruption so it can't be true). Baron Brouilles asked to be considered for
a ministerial appointment, as has Baron de Sevigny, and Vicompte van Schnell
has applied for the Chancellor's post."
"That brings us to the end of this month's briefing. Any questions, sir?"
