And you're posting this to the Bisexual group because....??? Help me with this.
--- King Daevid MacKenzie <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > > > http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/index.cfm?Page=Article&id=2200&NoMenu=1 > > <http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/index.cfm?Page=Article&id=2200&NoMenu=1> > > > > Iraq War Veteran's Suicide - He was Swallowed by > Pain > <http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/index.cfm?Page=Article&id=2200&NoMenu=1> > > Mehul Srivastava, Dayton Daily News (Ohio) > Posted 2004-10-11 15:36:00.0 > > http://www.daytondailynews.com/localnews/content/localnews/daily/1011lucey.html > > COMING HOME > > > 'Swallowed by Pain' > > > Jeffrey Lucey joined the Reserves to help pay > for college; he > wasn't prepared for what happened next > > BELCHERTOWN, Mass. | This is the paraphernalia of > Jeffrey Lucey's life. > On one wall of his bedroom: a large, framed > photograph of him and his > Marine Reserves unit. > > On the opposite wall, a much smaller group photo of > his Chestnut Hill > Community Class of 1995 hangs just a little askew. > > On his bookshelf, at the top of two neat stacks, are > the books Twelve > Steps and Twelve Traditions and Living Sober. > Bottles of cologne are > arranged in a small semi-circle on top of his > dresser — Abercrombie and > Fitch, Baryshnikov, Nautica, Acqua di Gio, > Obsession. > > On his bed, his mother has placed a DVD of one of > his favorite movies, > The Passion of the Christ, and near his dresser, > there are six empty > bottles: two Heinekens, one Mr. Boston Blackberry > Flavored Brandy and > the rest are of a beer called EKU-28 with the label, > "EKU-28 is the one > whenever something good and strong is needed." > > And here, in front of the dust-covered TV, the faint > light from the > shuttered windows reveals more of the paraphernalia > of Jeffrey Lucey's > life. Brown spots stain the unwashed carpet. > > It is the color of dried blood. > > "It is our 53rd day of activation and we've been > incountry four weeks to > the day." — Jeffrey Lucey's journal > > Going to Iraq was never in Lucey's plans. He wanted > to be a cop. He > wanted to marry his high-school girlfriend. He > wanted what most want in > this town of 2,300 people. > > He went to Holyoke Community College, trying to rack > up enough credits > for a degree. Too small for football, too slow for > track, Lucey spent > most of his time with friends, driving 4-wheelers on > the paths near his > house. He got into some trouble, his mother > remembers, but no more than > most kids his age. > > He wasn't sure he wanted to join the Marine > Reserves. But some of his > friends were joining, and there was a chance he > could get some money to > pay for college. He talked about it with his > parents. Back then, before > Sept. 11, 2001, there wasn't a war to worry about, > so he signed up. > > In the next two years, everything changed. The > country was at war, and > young men like Lucey were being sent to fight an > enemy halfway across > the world. His unit was activated on Jan. 11, 2003. > > Many in America's armed forces are like Lucey: > young, impressionable > with a slight wild streak. Inexperienced in the > world and unsure of > themselves at home. He was a good soldier. But > something else was going > on inside Lucey and the war would only make it > worse. > > "I should have realized all our lives were about to > change," Lucey wrote > in his journal. > > Lucey's unit was sent to Camp Pendleton, south of > Los Angeles, where > they spent the days moving equipment from the motor > pool, getting > weapons training and taking hand-to-hand combat > courses — all > preparations for their deployment in Iraq. > > At night, they partied. > > "When each day came to an end, it was like our > barracks were suddenly > changed into a college dorm," Lucey wrote. "Alcohol > and drinks flooded > the area. You could smell steaks, hot dogs and > burgers cooking outside > on our makeshift barbecues. Everyone enjoying what > we knew would be our > last hurrah." > > In the relatively safe confines of the camp, Lucey > saw the first of his > buddies die. He wrote about seeing a Marine killed > in a car crash. Three > others were injured. The day after this accident, > some of the Marines > from his battalion went down to Tijuana. "On their > way back, their > vehicle somehow flipped, paralyzing one of the > Marines from the neck > down," Lucey wrote. > > After a month in California, Lucey's unit left on a > 22-hour flight to > Kuwait, stopping once in Maine and again in Germany. > > "Our first stop was in Bangor, which was difficult, > knowing my home, my > family and my girl Julie, who I love and cherish > more than anything in > the world, was only a couple of hours drive away," > he wrote. > > In Kuwait, Lucey was stationed at Camp Shuiba, where > he helped maintain > the trucks, humvees and trailers that would be used > in Operation Iraqi > Freedom. > > It was tough in the desert. The heat. The toilets > with water filled all > the way to the top. The boredom. The food that was > never hot enough, the > water that was never cool enough. The sandstorms. > The nights spent awake. > > "Three days would go by," Lucey wrote, "and your > total sleep would be > under 6 hours. This made the days seem like weeks." > > On March 18, Marine Reservist Lucey celebrated his > 21st birthday. He was > 5,000 miles from Belchertown, his family, his > girlfriend —and although > he may not have known it, the war was about to > begin. > > The day after his birthday, American forces launched > a "decapitation > strike" in hopes of taking out Saddam Hussein. Two > days later, the > famous "shock and awe" campaign began with three > Tomahawk cruise > missiles from the USS Donald Cooke. In the next two > days, more than 800 > missiles were launched on targets across Iraq, > softening up the Iraqi > defense for the ground assault. > > At Camp Shuiba, Lucey felt the ground shake. > > "At 10:30 p.m. a scud landed in our vicinity," Lucey > wrote. "We were > just falling asleep when a shock wave rattled > through our tent. The > noise was just short of blowing out your ear drums. > Everyone's heart > truly skipped a beat and the reality of where we are > and what's truly > happening hit home. > > "It's now 11:30 and we still have no word of > casualties, but from the > power encompassed in that blast the fear of the > worst for many is very > real. We are now trying to go to sleep for at least > a couple of hours > but anxiety is high and sleep seems close to > impossible." > > And then, Lucey added three more lines: "We now just > had a gas alert and > it is past midnight. We will not sleep. Nerves are > on edge." > > "Hazel, who is in the rack beside me, was looking at > his 3 month old > baby boy when the scud hit... he picked up the > picture off the floor and > gave me a look that seem to say that I hope I will > hold him again." > > Sometime around March 21, Lucey's company, the 2nd > Platoon, Section A, > 6th Motor Transportation Battallion rolled into > Iraq, slowly inching > north toward Nasiriyah. > > He wrote infrequently during his six months away > from home. His family > took to watching CNN in hopes of catching a glimpse > of him. > > Later, sitting on his back porch in Belchertown, > Lucey told his mother > and his sister stories about his time in Iraq. > > There was the story about the flag. > > On a short assignment in Nasiriyah, when he > volunteered to go along with > a convoy of Humvees, Lucey saw a dead child on the > side of the road. The > boy clutched to his chest an American flag stained > with his blood. Lucey > helped drag the body off the street into an > alleyway, and as he left to > join his convoy, he kept the flag for himself. > > And then there's the story about the old couple. > > Lucey told his mother about his nightmares where > faceless old people > would run toward him asking for help, like the old > couple in Nasiriyah > he says he watched get shot in the back as they ran > toward the shelter > of their home. The nightmare came often, keeping > Lucey up until three or > four in the morning, until the last bottle of EKU-28 > beer had run out, > and he would finally fall asleep. > > And then there is the story. The story Lucey kept > bottled up inside him > until last Christmas, when he finally let it out. > > "Don't you understand?" he shouted at his sister, > Debra. "Your brother > is a murderer." > > That's when Debra Lucey first saw the dog tags. The > ones Lucey said he > took off the necks of the two Iraqi soldiers he was > forced to shoot, one > in the eye, the other in the back of the neck. The > dog tags were simple, > with faint letters scratched into their cheap metal, > Debra remembers > thinking. Lucey never took the dog tags out, and > this was the first time > he had shown them to the family. > > The Marines have disputed some of these stories. > They intially told > local papers in Massachusetts that as a Reservist in > the 6th Motor > Transport Battalion, Lucey would most likely never > have come close to > Iraqi prisoners. Later, the Marine Corps admitted > that in the confusion > of Iraq, it was not only possible, but likely that > Lucey volunteered to > help in transporting the prisoners. A photograph > that his parents > developed from Lucey's camera shows a bare-backed > Iraqi sitting on the > ground in front of a truck with a black bag over his > head. > > Two soldiers are standing guard over the Iraqi. > > "Uncertainty can drive any man crazy, the > uncertainty about what's going > to change in your life upon your arrival home. Will > all your loved ones > still be there. Was your significant other loving > only you while you > were 8,000 miles away? Will your friends and loved > ones be the same > people or will they have evolved into people you > know longer know. Most > importantly, will we be the same when we get back or > will we have > changed ourselves." > > It takes about five minutes to walk from Lucey's > house to a maple tree > he used to sit by for hours. The tree has a rope — > a long, ragged one > with seven knots on it. As a child, Lucey would > swing out on the rope > and jump into the brook that runs past the house. > Earlier this year, as > he walked with his mother to the brook, he took the > headphones from his > CD player off his head and made her listen to a song > about a soldier > returning from war. > > "Whatever happened to the young man's heart. > Swallowed by pain, as he > slowly fell apart," the song's chorus goes. "And I > am staring down the > barrel of a .45. Swimming through the ashes of > another life. No real > reason to accept the way things have changed. > Staring down the barrel of > a .45." > > "I am listening to the words, and I am thinking, > 'This is my son, and he > wants me to listen to this,' " Joyce Lucey recalled > as she walked down > the path to the tree. "And he goes, 'No no no, I am > not going to do > anything. Looking down the barrel of a .45 to me > represents looking down > a long dark tunnel.' " > > After he returned from Iraq, Lucey's drinking got > worse. His private > therapist recommended he seek professional help from > the VA. His > nightmares were more frequent, and Lucey had started > hallucinating. He > would go to bed with a flashlight because he felt > spiders were crawling > all over him. > > The Luceys did what they could. They hid the knives > in the house. They > secreted away his Marine Corps-issued knives to his > sister's house. They > took turns sleeping so they could keep an eye on > him. > > Drunk, confused and abusive, Lucey was brought by > his father and sister > to the VA medical center in Northampton, Mass., on > May 28, 2004. > > The same night that Lucey was involuntarily > admitted, medical records > show that a doctor decided that he was "a clear and > present danger to > self and others from PTSD (post-traumatic stress > disorder), depression > with psychotic features and suicidal ideation, acute > alcohol intoxication." > > For the next four days, Lucey was kept under > observation, and the > medical records that his father now pores over night > after night show > that the medical center had a pretty good idea of > what he was going through. > > "When we left him at the VA, I think it gave us a > sense of false > security," said his father, Kevin Lucey. "I felt as > if the professionals > had things under control — things were out of my > hands now." > > On two separate occasions, different health care > professionals answered > "yes" to questions about Lucey's suicidal > tendencies. In one chilling > note, after checking yes to whether the patient > planned to kill himself, > a further note described how Lucey "plan ed (sic) to > OD, hang himself or > suffod=cate (sic) himself." > > On June 1, the VA medical center discharged Lucey. > They diagnosed him > with alcohol intoxication, alcohol dependence and > mood disorder > secondary to alcohol intoxication. > > "Jeff knew that he was drinking too much," said Dr. > Mark Nickerson, a > private therapist that Lucey had been seeing at the > same time. "But it > was the trauma that was really eating into him. As > inappropriate a > crutch as it (the alcohol) was, it's about all he > really had. To me, it > would make sense to try and treat both the problems > together, instead of > focusing on the drinking." > > Less than four days later, Lucey was back at the VA > medical center. His > sister had come home after her college graduation > ceremonies to find him > drinking at the house and talking about hanging > himself. She called the VA. > > VA medical center rules say that for an involuntary > admission to take > place, the patient must be on the premises, or be > committed by his > family. Lucey refused to walk into the building, and > VA staff spoke to > him outside. There wasn't much the staff could do: > Records state that > the patient "showed no grounds to seek a commitment > or placement under > protective custody by the VA police." The Luceys had > to bring him home. > > Off and on, Lucey would ask for help when he was > sober. Twice, he asked > his father if he could curl up in his lap. Even > though he thought his > son's request odd, Kevin Lucey thought of those > times as progress. Just > one week before Father's Day, he sat for a half-hour > in the family room, > his 23-year-old son in his lap, and told himself "we > were crossing some > kind of hurdle." > > "It's funny how alcohol affects people and makes > things more interesting > in a way." > > Jeffrey Lucey's father came home from work June 22 > to find the TV on, > his son's Iraqi dog tags on the bed and the cellar > door open. He walked > the 10 steps down to the cellar, and saw a small > semi-circle of picture > frames on the ground — photographs of Lucey and > his Marine unit flanked > by pictures of his girlfriend and his family. The > glass in one of the > frames was broken, and his mother later found the > shards on the floor of > her son's room next to the blood stains. > > Kevin Lucey took another step and saw his son's feet > hanging two inches > above the ground. He doesn't remember if he screamed > — he wanted to act > quickly. He lifted his 165-pound son, took the noose > off his neck, and > made a small pillow out of the rug on the floor. > > "He was in my lap again," said Kevin. "He looked so > peaceful, and I just > held him, and tried to warm him up." > > Lucey probably stood on a crumpled white cardboard > box to get his neck > inside the noose. Had he wanted to save himself, all > he had to do was > stretch his toes the two inches to the ground, take > the noose off his > neck, go back up the cellar stairs into his room and > wait for his father > to come home. > > Instead, he left a note. > > "Dear Dad, Don't look. Just call the cops." > > Contact Mehul Srivastava at 225-2432. > > > > -- > King Daevid MacKenzie, WLSU-FM 88.9 La Crosse, > Wisconsin, USA > http://wpr.org/music/ http://ultimajock.blogspot.com > "Why do people take drugs anymore, when reality has > become a hallucination?" LEWIS BLACK > > __________________________________ Do you Yahoo!? Yahoo! Mail - Helps protect you from nasty viruses. http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Dying to be thin? Anorexia. Narrated by Julianne Moore . http://us.click.yahoo.com/Dtf6vA/gsnJAA/d1hLAA/0NYolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> Apply for Commercial Real Estate loans online and submit your deal to dozens of hungry lenders in just minutes. Loan programs for all types of business and commercial real estate. Apply anytime at http://realestatezoo.com b i s e x u a l =============== a bifem.net publication Post message: [email protected] Subscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Unsubscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED] List owner: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Web Site: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Bisexual Yahoo! 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